逃げた魚は大きい

Stupid

2008-11-12T07:34:00.002-06:00

I just had the stupidest fall this morning! I was getting late for work so I rushed to get to the office. There is a little slope from where I parked my car to the office and because it is autumn (or winter), leaves were all over the road. I slipped and fell on my butt while walking down the slope. So embarrassing!! I hurt myself too! I have internal bleeding in my thumb now. haha..

Speaking of stupid, I was pulled over by the cops the other day for the most stupid reason! I was making a right hand turn at the light and the light was green. Cars going on the straight lane were all going straight and I know that no cars will be able to turn so I went ahead and turned into the outer lane.

Great job.. cuz there was a police car behind me. I was heading to Kroger and thought "hai.. since Im already getting a ticket for whatever reason, must as well make the police follow me to Kroger" and I did. HAHA... The guy was so mad when I finally stopped, when he came over, he was like "Are you from Alabama?" I went "Yea I was but I just moved over to GA so I have a GA license." And he said "You are not supposed to turn into the outer lane straight away when you are turning. You have to turn into the inner most lane and then signal yourself out. alright gimme your license and stay in your car, I'll be back."

I was so angry because I had no job and while since I graduated till that day (with no job), I got 2 tickets. 1 when I got lost and 1 while driving from Bham to Auburn. I think I almost got that job but I don't wana live in Bham... Not after that ticket. And I never got a ticket until I graduated (with no job)!!! WTH. So evil.

Anyways, this policeman took way longer than both policemen before to write me a ticket (maybe he writes really slow). But after making me wait forever thinking about how I'm going to break this to my parents (AGAIN), he came back. And he asked "Are you Korean?" I'm like =S "No, I'm Chinese, but I'm from Singapore". I was already about to cry and you ask me if I'm Korean?? And then I blurted out "I'm sorry about turning like that I did not know..." And the police guy starting scratching away at the ticket and he said "I'm going to change this to a warning." I was like =D!!! So I looked up at him and saw for the first time he is pretty cute hahaha... and I asked him if he is korean and he said he is mixed korean and american. I was so happy that day!

2008-08-01T10:03:00.002-05:00

My parents are the most wonderful parents in the world. They may not be rich or famous, but they are the best. They are always there for me, supporting me in every decision I make. I don't know what I will do without them.

Sometimes I feel that I wanna just move to LA and live with them again because the "family" feeling is really nice. However, when I think of that, I think that I will miss out the many chances of being independent. I know I've been pretty independent for a while (in most of the stuff except money), but I just wanna be able to "make it" by myself.

I'm graduating this weekend, and I haven't found a job yet. It is pretty worrisome. I told my mom that and she told me that if I need money, just get it from them. She gave me some advice but said that I should just think about things carefully and do what I really want to do. I feel bad for taking money from my parents. I just feel that I'm almost out of college, and once I'm out, I should be able to find a job that will let me feed myself.

Ahh... money will always be an issue if you are not rich. I need a job!

2008-06-27T18:07:00.004-05:00

My professor read this work in class today and I know I know... Im a nerd. But I felt that it is very meaningful.

___________________________________________________________________

The Station

by Robert J. Hastings

Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long, long trip that almost spans the continent. We're traveling by passenger train, and out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hills, of biting winter and blazing summer and cavorting spring and docile fall.
But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station. There will be bands playing, and flags waving. And once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true. So many wishes will be fulfilled and so many pieces of our lives finally will be neatly fitted together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering ... waiting, waiting, waiting, for the station.
However, sooner or later we must realize there is no one station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.
"When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry. Translated it means, "When I'm 18, that will be it! When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz, that will be it! When I put the last kid through college, that will be it! When I have paid off the mortgage, that will be it! When I win a promotion, that will be it! When I reach the age of retirement, that will be it! I shall live happily ever after!"
Unfortunately, once we get it, then it disappears. The station somehow hides itself at the end of an endless track.
"Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24: "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. Rather, it is regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.
So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot oftener, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
___________________________________________________________________
I will definitely eat more ice cream.

2008-06-24T13:22:00.000-05:00

Last day of Undergraduate = 6/28/2008!!

Graduation date = 8/09/2008!!

2008-03-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

Im graduating in August!! Excited......................................................................................................!!

Jay Chou is awesome

2007-11-13T19:30:00.000-06:00

Duno if you guys saw this before but this is just so awesome.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dhXNMcl9Et0

I feel weird

2007-11-07T13:17:00.000-06:00

HEY CHANTAL!! Thank you so much... I can't wait for the present to get here!!! miss u so much too!!!

Today, I feel weird. It's peaceful. But feels kind of lonely. Mugen's awesome! I duno why I feel this way today. So weird.

I'm thinking about not doing anything to my car anymore. Just save up the money and get a new better car instead in the near future. I don't know.

I'm broke!

I want a rich boyfriend!!

I feel so weird.

REJECTED!

2007-09-21T16:49:00.000-05:00

Went to the interviews... Took the tests......

1 project to finish n 2 more tests to go before I can rest. I am very tired. Deloitte emailed me today. I got rejected. From my interviews, for some reason I thought they liked me. Its ok. I still got KPMG and Smith & Howard's replies to wait for. They are both good companies. I did not really want to go with Deloitte anyway after I heard that you HAVE to get your CPA before you can work there. I was thinking about working for at least 2 years to gain some experience before going back to grad school. I heard you will understand a lot more if you gain some work experience before going to grad school. I hope either KPMG or S&H will give me a chance. I will work hard!!!!

2007-09-14T10:03:00.000-05:00

Dear Kiska

How are you doing? I've been pretty stressed out. Actually, not too much. Just a little. I know you were looking out for me girl, cuz I got 3 interviews next week for Audit internships, out of the 4 companies that accept F-1 visas. You are the best. I miss you so much too. Especially the past few days.. I've been thinking about you a lot. Really miss you very very much.

My new friend Mugen is a nice puppy but very very mischievous. I believe you must have taught him something cuz he learns pretty fast. Except he still pees on the carpet occasionally. I have no idea how u manage to hold ur pee for so long Kiska. Cuz stupid Mugen just goes. Stupid boy.

I'm confused. Love is such a terrible thing. Is it possible to love someone so much that you wana be with that person all the time? And that you feel so lonely when that person's not around? Cuz I think that's how I feel. And can time take that feeling away?

Today, I saw some guy jogging around the apartment complex. He was calling out to some puppy but I could barely see anything behind him. When I got closer, I saw it. I asked the guy how old the puppy was. He said about 5 weeks. I was shocked.. Well not really since he looked so tiny, but I was shocked at the age. Puppies should not be separated from their mom before 8 weeks, and definitely should not be allowed to run on grass (with so much other dog poop n pee n fleas n stuff) at 5 weeks old. I feel that this puppy is either going to have health problems or be a very bad dog when it gets older. I wonder who sold/gave this puppy away at such a young age. Such irresponsibility.

Kiska, you didn't look out for me in Tax class. I have this really really terrible and lazy teacher. He reads every single out from the textbook for the whole class time, makes us do ALL the problems, and tells us to go to his office to check the answers. He is so lazy that he would not even post the answers on the Internet!! I really wonder why the university hired this professor

Ok.. Ima take Mugen out to Petco and get him a hard toy so he can relieve his teeth. I love you Kiska. Miss you much.

RIP

2007-07-12T21:36:00.001-05:00

I have finally accepted it. I loved you so much. Ive been so selfish. Im so sorry. I hope you forgive me. I miss you so much I really do. I would do anything to have you back again. I should've cherished you more. I didn want to accept it but now that I have seen your ashes, I do. But u will always be in my heart.

I wish u can read and understand this. You really are my first love. Noone else could ever be sweeter, cuter, more beautiful, more loyal, more cheerful, more caring, more wonderful. No one made my life happier than you do. You were there for me. Through the hard times and the happy ones. You were always there to listen. To lick me and cheer me up when I cry. To let me hug you and feel so lucky to have you around.

Now that you are not around. I feel so much lonelier. I place you beside my bed when I sleep. I really hope that you are in a better place now. A place where no one can hurt you, where you are always happy. A place where you can look down at me and make sure that I don't get hurt too cuz I know you care a lot about me too. I miss you so much. I loved you with all my heart and always will.

Mom, dont worry. I am ok. Sometimes I just miss her. But Im just glad I had her in my life. She changed my life.

For the one who did this. I hope you will change. I want you to know that you have not only broken my heart, but also my family's. She was the sweetest dog in the world. I hope you learn your lesson. Not that you will ever stumble onto this site. I just hope you'll do something about yourself if you ever stumble onto here.

For the last time, I loved you and will always love you.

RIP

2007-07-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

When u take something for granted, it will definitely get back to you one day. Dont wait till u lose it and then regret. Sometimes Im just so confused.

But I wana thank everyone for treating me so welll when I went back to Sg. I had a great time.

hi hi everyone!!

2007-05-19T07:11:00.000-05:00

FINALLY! I have time. I am in JApan now, in my friend's house. She is very sweet to let me stay here for so long. Japan so SOOOOOOOOOOOO Crowded! Drives me nuts! But people here are pretty nice. It's pretty interesting here but I can't wait to go back to SG!! Miss you guys. Can't wait to go back to Auburn too.. miss you so much. Hmm.. So I took lots of pics and also sat in a Civic Type R. I was very happy. That car is very very very cool. I didn wana get out. Very pretty, cool car. Ill show everyone.

Umm... ok bye

Sad

2007-01-04T23:45:00.000-06:00

Hai.. I haven really been visiting blogs and stuff but I decided to do it today cuz my hair's wet from showering so I can't sleep yet.

I looked at Jeannie's blog and looked through her pics of her 18th birthday. Hai.. you are so lucky mei.. I had my 18th birthday here and it's nice. Had dinner with my bro. Had kinda like a little surprise party, which Im really glad that they are so nice as to plan that for me. But the thing is.. My parents are not here. It kinda makes me sad. If I were in Singapore, I would have spent the whole day with my parents and night with my friends. I would have awesome cake, Shark fin's soup, Durian.. ALL my FAVourite stuff. A HUGE party with my friends. Lots of pictures. I dont mean that I'm not happy during my 18th birthday.. I ate a whole lot. I had cake too.. And Atlanta was awesome. Just.. Damn.. can't believe I miss my parents so much. I calll them all the time too. Hai..

Mommy Daddy.. When I come back, can I celebrate my 18th birthday once again with you guys? I wana go to a good Chinese restaurant and eat good food. Take pictures. HAng out..

Chantal.. When I come back, can I celebrate my 18th birthday once again with you and Xinzi and everyone? I wana have fun with you guys..

Jeannie.. When I come back, can I celebrate my 18th birthday once again with you and Valerie? I want a birthday like yours..

I miss you guys so much. I miss hanging out with you guys a whole lot too. Sometimes I just feel like Im missing out on so much being here in the USA.

I spent most of my birthday with Kiska.. My lover forever.. Im really glad that I spent my birthday with her though. She's the bestest in the world.

Happy 2007!

2007-01-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year everyone!

Last nite I went over to a professor's place to celebrate the new year. We ate every hour and watched "Kohaku". Kohaku is a singing contest held in Japan every year during New Year's Eve to celebrate the new year. Male artists in 1 group and females in another. I recognized some of the singers like Ootsuka Ai and Orange Range. I also found a very cute singer!

His name is Koike Teppei and he is from the group called 'WaT'. Soooooooooooooooo cute. I wana hug him like a teddy bear! He's so cute but I dont think I would like to date a guy like him. I think if we go out together, I would spend the whole time staring at his face and he'll get freaked out and dump me. haha. But I was saying I prolly wont date a guy like him cuz I dont really like thin lanky boys. I think he'll be better if he has more meat and muscles on him. But he's so cute.

Anyways, they asked me if I have a new year's resolution. I said push my GPA up to 3.5. Hahaha... I'm so super nerdy! Can't believe I said that. But that's really what I wana do tho. I wana get at least a 3.5 when I graduate.

Oh ya. It is decided. I am going to Japan from May 8th 2007 to May 22nd 2007, and Ima be in Singapore from May 23rd 2007 to Aug 1st 2007. Im excited. Chantal.. I wana go to Zouk with you guys!!! I heard good things about that place from my Indonesian friend here!

1 more week till school starts. Ima be busy when school starts.. cuz I wana push up my GPA! Yup Im going to be a GOOD girl! Study hard. Work hard. Hopefully I'll get to play a little too..

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T11:29:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!!

For this Christmas, I would like to thank everyone for my dearest caring wonderful family. I would also like to thank everyone ESPECIALLY my MOM and DAD for my DEAREST KISKA! She is the prettiest smartest most awesome dog in the whole world. I would also like to thank everyone for my little bro's accomplishment! Also thank everyone ESPECIALLY my DAD for getting me in Auburn University. Also thank everyone for all my wonderful friends here in Auburn. You guys are so awesome. Also like to thank everyone for the most wonderful person ever I met in America. I guess all these should be said during Thanksgiving but o well haha..

For this Christmas, I would like a shoe rack.

Merry Christmas Eve

2006-12-23T23:14:00.000-06:00

Before Christmas Eve comes, I would like to voice out some things.

Number 1) If you don't have anything good to say about something, please don't say anything then. I'm sure the other party would really appreciate it.

Number 2) Raffles Institution is one of the top, if not the top secondary school in Singapore. I would be pretty proud if one of my relatives get into that school. Plus, I really don't believe RI is a 'nerd' school.. I think it is more like a 'rich' school.. cuz.. just think. How many secondary schools in Singapore have hockey... or rugby.. or bowling... sailing.. I can go on and on.. RI does not only have these CCAs, they do good in them too. Go check out the medals they got.

Hell, I would be proud to go to RI or for me maybe Raffles Girls' will be better. I went to shitty tpss man.. haha.. nothing to be proud of.. but i didn regret going there tho.. met a quite a few trusty and caring friends i love. got a few life lessons learnt. but i think for me, if I didn come to america, i will still be doing pretty shitty now haha... coming here helped me learn a whole lot. helped me set a path for my future.. met a few really really nice people.. even someone to take care of me when my parents are not here to.. =)

Anyways, that's all of my ramblings for tonight. Merry Christmas Eve everyone.

2006-12-16T16:56:00.000-06:00

Hi people, after many complains,

will take more pictures when im free

just 2 more to go!

2006-11-14T17:03:00.000-06:00

hai! 2 more tests to go and I am free! for thanksgiving! finally.. i've been studying and working and all that for so long. really really need a break. i had to wake up at 6:45 today cuz i had a stupid econ test at 8.... im so tired now. i've been studying ever since i got home, but of cuz.. my studying time consists of eating.. walking around.. playing with kiska.. giving kiska her dinner.. lookin for someone to chat with.. lookin around for things to get for my car and house.. clean a little bit.. taking kiska out for a walk.. staring at the wall.. etc etc. but im still so tired. im almost done for my studying for tomorrow's test. But after that i got study for thursday's test. yup I am SO hardworking.

I have a song by Christina Milian in my itunes for a long time but i never really listened closely to the lyrics till today (yes part of my study time). there's this line that says "Sometimes the things that don't seem right / Leads to the best thing of a life". And I kinda agree with that too. Cuz it says 'sometimes'. And those 'sometimes' can range from eating chocolate to skipping school to go to the mall to loving someone ur not supposed to. Well, i guess maybe not the 'best thing of a life' but sometimes it's just.. if you try to do everything that seems right to the society for your whole life, you really cant feel really happy. I get happy when I skipped school to hang out with my friends, and that doesn't really seem like the right thing to do. To me, i kinda feel that having occasional happiness is a lot better than waiting for that forever happiness that will (to me) never come. And I'm really thankful for those occasional happiness cuz they make my life just a little more exciting.

anyways, ah ma!!!!!!!!! i'm so glad you visited cuz i couldn find your email too!! mine's okriskao@hotmail.com.. please email me!!! i miss you sooooooooo much! can't wait to see you when i go back to sg!!

2006-11-02T23:50:00.000-06:00

I've been worrying

I never really wanted a boyfriend when I came over to America cuz I dont really want to.. i duno. I believe that I've changed quite a bit. I had many many exes back in Sg and I had a feeling like I want one too when I was in high school in Mobile, just that I was too shy and I don't really talk in school haha. But when I came to Auburn, I didn really want to have a boyfriend anymore. I dont really want to expose myself, let myself be easily taken advantage of. I don't really trust many. Many friends but I do not really trust them as much as when I was back in Sg.

But what now? I've trusted one so much. I've opened up, to someone who's not even.. I cannot think of life without.. What if we start to talk less and slowly not talk anymore? Can I imagine my life like that? It is very dangerous for me now. A few days ago, my manager told my colleagues that even though im only 17 (turning 18 soon!), I am actually very mature. I duno why she said that for, but I guess its a compliment.. ... I know what I need to do in my life. I know what's important. But someone. I am willing to give up anything for.. Am I in love? I don't want to say that I am cuz it is very dangerous for me to fall in love cuz I think I am one of those who would give up "my daily bread"(as mommy says) for love. Therefore, I really do not want to have a boyfriend until I find someone who has all the characteristics I want in my future husband.

anyways, love is pretty complicated. i prefer accounting.

My colleague, more of a friend now, gave me a ride home from work today. We had to go over to another restaurant to pick up her fiance and when we got there, she went in and saw a bartendress there who worked in my restaurant once. she told me that she doesnt really like that girl, lets name her B, so naturally I asked her why is that. She told me that B flirts too much, doesnt know her limits, even with her fiance. I asked her if B's like touchy touchy type and she's like yea. She said her fiance even try to shrug B off and stuff and B even tried to text msg her fiance but my friend replied to her saying he's playing games haha.. She said B prolly doesn't really realize that she doesn know her limits but still.

I duno... I never really like being touchy touchy with guys unless they are pretty close friends or i like them. Guys try to hug me and stuff and I duno I just feel uneasy having guys touching touching and stuff. So it kind of bothers me when I see girls being sooooooooo flirty. My colleagues say I'm pretty flirty haha but I think they think that way because when I see my guy friends I will talk to them and stuff and I always try to be polite so I always smile. I wonder if guys think like my colleagues -- that I'm flirting. I hope not.

When I turn 18, I am going to open a savings account with ING Direct. I am being very generous and introducing this to everyone. Visit the website here. The Orange Savings account has a 4.40% Annual Percentage Yield, which is probably the highest I have found among all banks that do not steal your money with service charges and all that hidden charges and stuff. ING Direct operates worldwide so I believe that they are pretty trustworthy. Please check them out and earn some moneY!

2006-10-31T12:08:00.000-06:00

no matter how much i tell myself that i will see you again, i still tear up everytime we say good bye

feeling so down

2006-10-27T12:32:00.000-05:00

i have no idea why but i've been feeling so down these few days. i think i might have shifted far from my original plans for this semester. or maybe im just getting too attached. or maybe it's cuz of my car. or maybe because of all the bad news from sg. or maybe i just want someone here with me. i have no idea but it feels terrible. i started studying a little bit today and i feel a little better now. i think.

maybe i'll be less down if i lower my expectations of things. or maybe just don expect anything. dont look forward to anything so if something happens and that "anything" will no longer possible, i wont feel sad at all.

what terrible weather. i was walking with my umbrella and the wind kept blowing it so it becomes upside down. it was really annoying when it was happening to me but it was funny when i was in the transit watching it happen to other people.

i read today in my english class that this character, he has to have these: possession, belonging, repitition. i think the first 2 really applies to me cuz if i love someone and he's not mine, i get pretty upset over it. usually i just try to forget or hopefully that person will be mine and end my disappointment. usually disappointment in myself. and i like to feel like i belong. belong to someone.. belong to the place i stay at.

anyways im hungry

2006-10-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

i tried to update -- wrote soooooooooo much! but stupid blogger decided to back out on me! n everything was gone! i duno when i am going to update again. so angry! what a waste of my time!

2006-09-26T23:51:00.000-05:00

you are very dedicated

i am quite (actually very) jealous

2006-09-12T12:58:00.000-05:00

oui miss channy

sometimes when i read your blog, i dont know if you're referring to JAckie or me leh.. so confusing... and you know i dont like to think hard..

sorry!

2006-09-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

sorry for not updating for soooo long! i've been soooooooooooo busy with many problems and stuf. but now most of them are solved and i just finished a test and a quiz today so i finally have some time.

channy.. you make me feel so sad not being in sg... i wana see u!!!! miss u so much.. n everyone too..

anyways.. i've been working. haha.. at the new sushi and bar place. it is sooooooooooo fun working there. my colleagues are so nice and somehow i have become the "manager"'s favourite waitress haha.. in like 3 days. i guess im a hardworker hahahhaha... but i earned quite a bit and im happy.

and.. my apartment doesn allow dogs and they found out about stupid kiska cuz she kept barking when people walk by. stupid dog. i was sooooooooooooooooo stressed out about that last week and... yea think everything is ok now.. found an apartment.. as long as you have money i guess everything can be solved. cuz i need to pay like $500 extra for rent. yay... eat away my hard earned money. makes me angry.

sink backed up in my apartment hAHAH.. had to go talk to the manager so they dun eat away more of my money.. damn thesse people NORTHCUTT REALTY should die and rot in hell.

kinda lost weight before the probs but cuz i couldn cook st home cuz of the sink stuff, ive been eating fast food the past few days. yup fat.

car's not yet done. i am pissed.

yup thats about all i think.

anyways, for the past few days i've been workin and stuff..

have you ever felt this way about someone? no matter how busy you are, you want to call that person to listen to his voice? you dont call though cuz you dun wan him to know.. i know it sounds pretty stupid but hahah cant help it im me.. and after you listen to his voice you really wana see him? no matter how many hours you talk to him its not enough you just wana be with him every minute you can?

sometimes there is just that one person who's always there for you but you take him for granted just because he's always there. well i just wana thank him so much as he's the most wonderful person in this world to me.

Fallen - Mya
You complete me
Like air and water boy
I need thee
And when I'm in your arms I feel free
Fallen
My heads up in the clouds in love
I'm proud
To you say it loud
Like an accident it happend
Out of nowhere
It just happend
And I aint mad at all
Because I've

Fallen
Head over hills
I've fallen
In love with you
I've fallen
And I can't get up
Don't wanna get up
Because of love (Because of love)

Baby
To let you get away is crazy (Let you get away)
so I'm doing what it takes
To make you pledge your love to me
You see cause I'm tryna be a lady
For ever and ever baby
The picture wouldn't be the same
If you weren't standing next to me
Can't you see I'm fallen

Fallen
Head over hills
I've fallen
In love with you
I've fallen
And I can't get up (And I can't get up)
Don't wanna get up (Don't wanna get up)
Because of love

You compliment me
Not an accessory
Your necessary
You never could speak bad words against me
Your bare with me
Security
Are you here with me
Your my happiness
My joy (Joy)
And all because of you boy
I look forward to the time
I spend with you
Whatever it is we do

Cause I'm fallen for you boy
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Fallen
I've fallen for you
Fallen
Head over hills for you
So in love with you
Fallen
Love, oh
For you

Touch me (Touch me)
Hold me (Hold me)
Love me (Love me)
Kiss me
In love with you
Talk to me (Talk to me)
Caress me (Oh)
Play with me
Don't wanna get up
It's gonna be
Your my everything

2006-08-25T16:51:00.000-05:00

hahahaha.. Channy i think you're the first person in the world to say that i look hot hahaha.. sounds good tho hahaha..

yup yup they're really nice friends to have but i still miss you guys a lot a lot a lot. i cannot wait to see you guys next summer...

i went to see my car yesterday. it looks really great except the doors and trunk weren't there, which got the person in charge mad haha.. i was kinda like man what the hell too. he promised that i'll get it back this saturday/ sunday. i really hope he keeps his promises. i didn take pictures! sorry stupid me i didn think of it.. but i'll go over tomorrow to look at the progress, hopefully there'll be a lot done, and i'll bring my camera. i promise it looks good tho. will post pics when i get them.

picS!

2006-08-23T19:35:00.000-05:00

alrighty.. got all the pics up!

Florida was soooooooooooooo fun! we got there kinda late on the 1st day.. mayb 4-5pm so the water and stuff weren't all that great. we went in the water, which was full of seaweed so we couldn't really see anything in the water but we could feel fishes just brushing against us when we were in the water and it was scary, at least for me haha... it was pretty fun.. after that, we went to a seafood restaurant called Old Bay Steamer, which was AWESOME. everything was soooo fresh and even though all of them were only steamed, they tasted really really really really really good. i want some more. after that, the 2 girls got the drinks and we went to catch tiny crabs on the seaside! it was sooo fun! hahaha... they were so quick.. too bad we didn take any pics.. its was so funny haha.. We caught them and put them in little cups, thinking of setting them free the next day, but all of them died during th night hahahahahaha..... evil us!

We did not sleep much that night cuz we went to catch crabs and stuff but we had to wake up early to get free breakfast in the hotel! after that we went to the beach again, which had transformed into this seaweed-free, super-clear greenish-blue water overnight. it was awesome. Somehow the seashore drops kinda deep when you swim out but after that drop, there's shallow water again and that place was awesome. you can see the fishes just swimming around you and i tried to catch one, so close! but too bad it's fast. we were kinda not feeling really well cuz of lack of sleep but i managed to stay and play with the fishes for a while before i got nauseous and when i was swimming back to shore, the fishes swam along with me like little dolphins! i was sooo happy hahaha.... too bad i felt nauseous. hai.. it was soooooooo fun! too bad we only had 2 days there.................... i hope maybe we can go there again soon

My car -- not back yet. sooo terrible im getting so pissed. AH! haiya!! when i get it back i'll definitely take some pics and put them on my photo site, along with some pictures of my new apartment..

i feel so bored. im going to start working soon.. hopefully i'll get some good money this time

2006-08-23T16:38:00.000-05:00

After many many days of having no contact with the outside world, Mr. Charter finally fixed up the internet connection in my apartment today. Nothing much happened within those many many days. I moved into my new apartment, went to Florida for 2 days and school started. I will upload pictures now sorry Channy

today is nostalgic day

2006-08-08T16:19:00.000-05:00

I am moving out of this shitty apartment this week! so happy. however, i will not get my car until friday this week so i guess i'm kinda handicapped. i walked to downtown and to school to get some stuff done and im tired so i decided to take a rest

while listening to music and resting, i suddenly felt like playing my flute. i haven played my flute for so long.. mum and dad would be really disappointed to hear this cuz it is an expensive flute. it's Gemeinhardt and is soooo pretty. even though it's so expensive, i never regretted buying it.

anyways, i played along with our competition music "on the village green" by Carl Strommen and i realized that i have deproved a lot a lot. i got rid of the score a long time ago (regretted it) but i still remembered most of the music. and i just feel kinda sad. really really want to go back to the days when i played along with the whole band. i miss Mr. Tan. really hope he's doing well. and i deproved so much man. i have gotten so much slower and my sound really isn't as good as it was before. I remember when I always aimed to be the best. when practising, I always practise more than my other section mates (secretly). I didnt want anyone to surpass me. aimed for all the solos, etc. but I lost that when I came over to the USA. no one to give me the urge to improve myself.

ahhhh today is really nostalgic day!! i suddenly thought of tampines sec and i realized that i missed that life soo much. the life when i had so many friends and when my good friends were always there for me. when i also tried my best to be there for my friends during all those breakups, quarrels.. we ALWAYS stood up for each other. and then i kinda miss high school in mobile too when i was surrounded by white people everyday trying to convert me into a christian hahha... i had some good friends too.. those pep rally days and boring chapel days hahaha... and i also kinda miss the days when I spent nearly everyday eating common's terrible food. when i did not really know anyone except the Japanese group there. i miss Maiko and Tomo and everyone else.. the days when I still drank hahaha... also miss the days when we hung out as a big group..

i feel kinda lonely now cuz my friends are not around these few days.. that's prolly why im thinking so much. but i really really miss those days and i guess all i can do now is cherish the days i have now so i wont feel sad in the future for taking these days for granted. i have finally found some girlfriends that i can talk with and drink coffee, play tennis and swim with. i will not take them for granted. i hope we can remain close friends for a long time like my family in Sg.

Bad day becomes Good day

2006-07-30T02:16:00.000-05:00

I am sooooo tired!!! Today started out as a pretty bad day for me.. I woke up super super early and had to return my rental car because the stupid adjuster of Geico is being so stupid and terminated my rental!!! Wat a stupid asshoe... I had to pay $121.39 for the extra days that NO ONE called to tell me it was terminated. I am going back to the rental place to talk with that shitty shitface..

Cuz.. I quit my job and my future boss hasnt told me when the stupid new restaurant is going to open!! And I spent sooooo much on my car!!! I'm brokE!!! I have never ever felt so poor before!! When they made me pay this morning, I feel like I've just been robbed.. I have always been careful to have a certain amount of money for special days.. and I think I might have used up a lot of it this time.. no good. Damn I feel so poor. I kinda wanted to treat my friends stuff today but I was like man.... AIYA!!

But later that day things started getting better.. hung out wit my friends at Starbucks. It was soooo fun!! my Taiwanese friend was soooooooooooooooo funny I was soooo tired because I laughed sooo much hahahaha... then we went to play tennis.. Yup the same group.. the girls who went with me to Atlanta.. They are the funnest friends I've ever had in America really. I had sooooooo much fun when I hang out with them. They make me feel a whole lot more at home than before.. They make me happy.

But of cuz.. I can't wait to hang out wit my friends in Sg.. I wana go clubbing wit yall!!!! I'm soooooooooo jealous!!!! >:( hahaha... gotta be 21 to get in here.. sian lo.. anyways alrighty i'll call you Channy Channy... haha.... Missya soo much hope to talk to u soon.... And I miss my car sooo much too......

Letoya Luckett - Torn

2006-07-25T01:56:00.000-05:00

A part of me wants to leave you alone
A part of me wants for you to come home
A part of me says I'm living a lie
And I'm better off without you
A part of me says to think it through
A part of me says I'm over you
A part of me wants to say goodbye
A part of me is asking why

A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
And everytime I think we're over and done
You do something to get me back loving you
And you got me just torn

Torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone
And you got me just torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone

There were no issues when we started out
It was cool
It was everything that love's about
But something happened
Plus I'm feeling so burnt out
'Cause I can't understand you now
I just can't understand you now
A part of me says it's all my fault
A part of me says "he ain't what you want"
A part of me says to get my bags
A part of me says I can't do that

A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
And everytime I think that it's over and done
You make me fall back in love
You got me just torn

Torn in between the two 'Cause I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone
And you got me just torn in between the two
'Cause I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone

So many times I - I was ready to go
So many times I - Had my foot out the door
So many times I - I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused
'Cause I keep fighting myself for you
I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way
You got me so torn

Torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone
And you got me just torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something's telling me I should leave you alone
Leave you alone
Leave you alone

Geico

2006-07-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

I tried to look for a way to leave feedback to Geico Insurance Company but I couldn't find any so I decided to say something about Geico here. I'm not a paid commercial or anything but just a very very very satisfied Geico customer. Geico's customer service is the best one ever. Even the guy who's fixing my car told me that. He said that in his past experiences, he always have problems with his customer's insurance companies but Geico had been treating him really well.

So many things have happened. My brother's car got egged a few months ago, mine too a few months after, and today, I went out and saw that both of our cars (mine is still rental man..) are egged. I am so pissed and I am highly suspicious about someone living here in out complex cuz his car is ALWAYS around and NEVER got anything. And he had some problems with us (especially me.. that pervertic asshole).

Anyways, because of those incidents, I had to call Geico many many many many times and everytime I call, they treated me with most respect. They are very very polite and very caring and very very helpful. I wish they have a rating site or something so I can give them a 10/10. They always make me feel a lot better after I call them. I am highly satisfied with Geico's services and I don't think that I will ever switch to any other insurance companies. And if anyone doesn't know what Geico is, Geico is an insurance company and I have Automotive insurance with them.

Another company that I'm quite satisfied with is Overstock.com. I had some problems with an item shipped to me and I had to return it to get the right size. I called Overstock and they are so polite and patient and helped me with everything.

I hope I don't get sued for using these companies' names in my blog but I am very satisfied with both Geico and Overstock and hopefully people who come to my blog will visit these 2 companies and try them out. they are really awesome companies.

2006-07-21T15:44:00.000-05:00

"Dont dare me to walk away!", a girl shouted as I was walking home after my usual run with Kiska. "DONT YOU DARE ME TO WALK AWAY!", she repeated. "I didn't dare you to!", a guy in his car shouted back less aggressively. "Yes you did!" A little but more of bickering and "BYE!" the girl shouted and slammed her door shut.

I thought "girl's going to cry, guy's going to call her, they goin to apologise to each other and everything will be ok." The guy in the car started reversing and I thought (all the while i was walking home i'm not kaypo stand there and watch ok hahah) "no no! maybe he should just get out of the car n go knock on her door, apologise, go in, give her a hug, and eveything will be ok!" Nope, the guy went away.

Why? Why do people want to quarrel when you have someone. You cherish your partner, don't you? Don't quarrel over stupid little things (i bet those two were quarreling over a stupid little thing). If both of them would just be less stubborn, give in a little, life would be a lot easier, a lot less crying and a lot less anger.

I guess after 2 (nearly 3) years of being single, I miss having someone close to protect me, to love me, etc. If I ever have another boyfriend again, he's going to be a lucky guy (i think). Cuz ima love him soooo much and cherish him sooo much and do whatever to make him feel that i'm the best girlfriend in the world. Of cuz, I myself am pretty stubborn haha.. And I hate myself for that. But ima try my best to stop and listen. So much happened these few weeks and I have learnt a bit more patience.

Anyways, that got me thinking about my ex-bfs haha... They must be having great lives.. I think most of the are attached. I know at least 2 of them are.. I kinda wana talk to them and see how their lives are now.. haha.. kaypo me..

Hai.. enough about being single. I miss my car so much. I cannot wait to get her back!!!!!!! She's going to be soo pretty. Thanks Chantal for your testimonial..

ahhHH!!

2006-07-19T17:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the funnest day ever hahahah!!!! I drove to Atlanta with 2 of my Japanese friends and a Taiwanese friend. They are the nicest friends ever hahha i like them a lot (but of cuz i still remember my family in Sg... can't wait to see you again May next year!). Anyways, everything went really smoothly in the beginning of the trip.. We had an AWESOME lunch. I ate some Japanese food cooked by REAL Japanese people and sushi made by REAL Japanese chefs hahahahaha... cuz in Auburn, sushi chefs are Korean haha... We went to Phipps Mall (so many expensive shops there.. Armani exchange.. Sisley.. etc.) and then to Lenox Square. It was soooooooooo fun! Three of them bought bikinis and I was the one who helped out with comments cuz I dont need one.. I have one that Chantal chose for me which everyone says that is sooo cute! They bought some other stuff there too and it was soooo fun. I did not get anything. Spent too much on my car plus gas is sooooo expensive these few days.

Things started to slowly go wrong after the mall trip cuz I was getting tired haha... Shopping with girlfriends are sooo tiring cuz you need to think of how cute that thing is... etc hahhaa... We managed to get to a Chinese restaurant which I had not planned for (I wrote down notes on how to get from the each of the malls to other places and stuff.. still a beginner ok). We were going to go to a Farmer's market. I know how to get to that market from the mall, not from the restaurants and it was soooooo confusing cuz I've never been to that place before (but it was cool I got to see soooooo many porsche cars in the dealership haha..). So, we got lost. Asked soooo many people for directions and in the end we jsut went back to the restaurant cuz we wont have enough time to shop in the market anyways (we spent maybe 6hrs at the malls ahaha). We went to eat at the restaurant and it was awesome. REAL Chinese food. It was SOOOOOOO good. It's Szechuan style and it was just awesome. The owner and waiters there are really friendly too! My friends were so nice. they treated me to dinner cuz I drove for so much haha.. so thoughtful and nice!

After the meal, I was worried of gettin lost again so i asked for directions and one of the waiters just led us to I-85 cuz he got off work and he's going that way anyways (so nice!!). We got on I-85. Everything was all good.. until 1 hour later.. I realized that somehow we're not on I-85 anymore, we're on I-75. I drove all the way to Macon, Georgia HAHAHAHAHAH!!! soooo stupid!!! I was soooo tired too!!! we stopped at a gas station and a guy gave us directions (he was soo patient and stuff tooo people are sooooo nice!!!). He said either we go all the way back to Atlanta or we drive on a countryside road, which is an hour shorter. We chose the shorter one. It was awesome. We drove for like 1 hour on the countryside road which was soo dark and scary and I think i saw a ghost. I was driving and suddenly I saw a woman walking on the side of the road (at midnight) and there were a few houses on the side of the country road but I'm not sure if there's any there... Nobody else in the car saw the woman. I convinced myself that she is a real person cuz she was in t-shirt and pants, not a white dress with blood or anything. Anyways.. we saw squirrels and deers running across the road. I was worried that I was lost again so I got down and asked a policeman for directions (finally the popos are of some good use). He was really nice too!

We got to Auburn 1:15am hahaha!!!! I was felt soo sorry for my friends to have to sit in the car for so long! hahha.. I'm going to be a lot more careful next time I drive long distances. But i think that yesterday was a fun adventure hhaa.. We met sooo many nice people. And it's because of these people that I still smile whenever I see someone walk by.

I learnt much yesterday.. There are still many good people in this world. Countryside roads are extremely dark and scary.. Never lose your attention while driving. One day and I can miss Kiska so much! Shopping with girlfriends are so much fun!!!

yay

2006-07-14T15:38:00.000-05:00

had a test today.. got a 90.. can't believe i deproved.. hahahHA!! nerD!! hahhaha....

i am determined to be a girl that every guy wants in the future. smart, rich, know how to cook, etc.. so, i've been trying to cook again these few days. to learn, you gotta have experience. so i cooked some stirfry honey chicken the day before and it tasted pretty good. i was so happy i kept complimenting myself hAHa... stupid me. i cut chicken today and cut myself twice hahahAHAH!! the first time i was tryin to get the meat off the chicken bone in a very dangerous way and i was like "hmm.. this looks pretty dangerous" and slip! i cut myself! hahah i was kinda shocked but its wasnt that painful. not as painful as it looked. the blood wont stop coming out and i was annoyed so i tried to put some antiseptic cream on the wound and i got blood all over the cream it was gross. the second time it didn bleed just some skin. knives are so dangerous. im dangerous with a knife. can't believe i was carrying a knife with me while i go out at night the previous few days i could've killed someone hahaha..

i met up with my accounting teacher yesterday. she is so cute haha.. she is not young (i realized that when i was talking to her cuz she told me the age of when she started working and how long she worked and stuff) but she looks so young and cute. she has some children but she's so thin she doesn look like she has any children before. i admire her. how she is so friendly with everyone and how she's so successful. she said im kinda like how she was when she was young. so hopefully i'll become successful in the future as well. we talked for soo long about everything and i asked her sooo many questions haha.. and she told me i was smart for asking those questions and thinking about stuff like that. i was like haha me smart?

anyways, im going to try my best to get thinner cuz my tummy is getting unruly and try my best to learn how to cook and try my best to get good grades and try my best to plan for my future.

i have also given my boss my 2-weeks notice and i'm going to start working at another restaurant sstarting august where i'm going to be a waitress and im going to tell everyone im 23 cuz i hate it when people know that im 17 (not supposed to work past certain time, cant carry beer etc.) and i'm going to start saving up for my bmw. im also going to choose the color for my car in 1/2 an hour. wish me luck!

i miss my car already...........

2006-07-12T18:27:00.000-05:00

Brought my car in yesterday and stupid insurance company wont gimme a car till today when the guy at the bodyshop told them that he has everything to start working on my car. so I got a Mazda 3. i guess it's an ok car. not good not terrible. kinda sucks actually.. it should be a pretty new car but has no power mirrors i was like wtf.. i miss my car already. i went to look at her today.. they took off her lip, sides, and bumper. they put the new lip in already and it looks pretty good. o ya gotta leave feedback for the guy i bought the body kit from.. ima choose her color tomorrow or maybe friday. i really hope that everything will look awesome when he's done with her. the stupid projector headlights that i bought won be shipped till next monday.. stupid lazy hoes..

gave kiska a shower today too and took her to petco to get her nails cut. i gave up trying to cut her stupid nails.. she keeps pulling her paw away.. so annoying! but she's a good friend. my best friend.

oh ya i wore the bikini i bought from singapore for the first time yesterday. thanks Chantal for helping me choose it! it is soo pretty (to me) and everyone told me its so cute haha.. but i think im kinda fat so it doesn really look that great. first time i wore a bikini. feels so weird. feels like im wearing a bra and underwear walking around, but that's wat a bikini is stupid me hahaha.. i swam butterfly too. i think it the first time for many people there to see a person swiming butterfly in a bikini cuz usually its one-piece. so glad my bikini didn fall off.

before i forget, i received the package today. Thanks Chantal for the CD! It is an awesome CD. Thanks Xinzi for the chocolates! they look awesome and ima eat one now! Im not sure who gave me the Kakashi maybe Ena.. so Thank you so much it is sooooo cute! i like it a lot! Thanks Ena Mummy Daddy for the Japanese stuff and the hello kitty shower cap!! it is sooooooooooooooooo cute!!!! hahaha.... i like everything soooooo much! Thank you thank you... ...

POTC 2

2006-07-09T13:53:00.000-05:00

I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest yesterday. I think that it was really good. everything's awesome except maybe the story could be a little better.. Special effects, actors.. everything else.. AWESOME!! Johnny Depp is the greatest!!! Anyways I dun wana talk too much about it so people can go watch it and find out themselves how awesome it is. I kinda like the 1st one better tho haha... : O

Anyways, I updated my 'wishlist'. i dont really know what a wishlist is but to me it sounds like a list u make and then just wish for the stuff to appear.. i guess. but i've planned to work hard to get everything on my 'wishlist'. being able to get that bmw would be a little difficult i guess but i'm going to work hard for it. i duno.. mayb i'll not get a bmw by that time.. 25 years old will be... 7 years.. i guess year 2012 or 2013.. i read somewhere that the ratings reliability of German cars are going down so.. i duno.. we'll see.. maybe i'll get a lexus or acura something like that instead.

my wishlist right now is kinda short cuz i dont really want anything except to get that internship next year and that car by the time im 25.. yea n the contact lenses and comfortable bed.. hope to get that assistantship thing to get into graduate school.. hopefully in a less boring place.. maybe california or something since that's where my internship is going to be if i get it.

I guess the only other thing that i want that i can think of now is.. well not thing.. person i guess. after all the shit that happened to me these few days living in this dangerous apartment complex (some of the shit that happen I cannot write here cuz I dont want people who care to worry), I really want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend to protect me, stop people from taking advantage of me (of cuz he cannot try to take advantage of me too), and beat up/kill (or at least scare and stop) the people who do haha.. someone who will comfort me and let me stay at his place when something like that happens. of cuz, i'll try my best to be the best girlfriend that i can (sorry i cant cook but i'll try to learn).

it is kinda difficult for me to find someone i like tho.. he has to be tall. not thin not fat. little built, not too much cuz that'll be gross for me. speak english well and knows a second language too, if possible. knows what he wants. knows how to control me (cuz sometimes i get unruly haha). can cook (i'll try to learn how to cook too but until then..). knows how to control himself too. is ok with animals (must love KISKA). not dirty and untidy but not too tidy and clean either, i.e. knows how to clean up after himelf. communicates well with people. knows where he stands (doesn let people climb over his head all the time, and dun climb on over everyone's heads too). knows how to control his money. knows how to get his own money cuz i dont wan a 小白脸 haha. i think that should be it... oh.. doesn have to be a really really really good-looking guy but anything in my list that is not fulfilled should be made up with his looks hahaha..

too bad I cant find anyone I really like now (high expectations haha). and if i have a boyfriend, i think i'll spend a lot of my time with him = less time spent on studying = bad grades = difficult to get internship & difficult to get into graduate school. what to do? protect myself lo.. bring a knife with me everywhere i go lo.. try to move to a safer place lo.. kiska can protect me too. she did that a few times. what a wonderful friend. i should take her out for a walk now..

history sux

2006-07-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

i seriously hate history. no matter how good the teacher is, i still feel soooooooooooo bored in class. no matter how hard i try to make myself at least a little bit interested, i fail. Studying for the test tomorrow? Terrible. Dont wana sound like a nerd, but my business classes are a lot more interesting (maybe cuz its new to me). i think (sorry for being a nerd!) that i like learning about business stuff. how everything works and stuff. economics is ok.. quite boring but history is just sooooooooooooo different!! i really dont care about what a person does 100 years ago or even 50 years ago man... so what if they made the world better i dont give a damn! i dun care why they have reforms and wars and revolutions and all that shit! i really dun care! haha... sorry i was studying for my history test tomorrow and i just felt like taking a break and complaining bout it haha.... i still remember Mr. Johns HAHA!! best history teacher in the world.. let me cheat in class hahahahaha...

2006-07-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

after so many days of studying and worrying, im starting to feel so bored. i looked for things to do to keep me from being bored. doing my homework is one of the things i tried haha.. anyways, i thought a few minutes ago that i have not taken a picture of myself for a really long time so i decided to keep myself occupied by taking a few pictures with kiska, who was not really cooperative. click here to look at the pics i took today.. if you're bored enough haha... i think i've grown fatter..

I Not Stupid Too

2006-07-03T19:34:00.000-05:00

Just watched the Singaporean movie "I Not Stupid Too" with my brother today. I think that it is a really good movie and I liked it a lot. Some parts are kinda overdramatized but overall I think that the movie is a really good one which presents many problems that Singaporean really face. Family communication problems, generation gaps, parents having to deal with both their stressful jobs and then problems with their children when they get home...

This movie also addresses some of the reasons why Singaporeans who leave Singapore do not really want to go back. Rules, rules, rules. Everything has to go according to the rules and laws. No exceptions. If stuff were like that in America, I would still be in high school now. I just believe that if someone is willing to work extremely hard to improve themselves, there can be exceptions. Just.. Singapore controls her people too much, which is good in a way I guess. Singapore's pretty wealthy after all. With that said, I gotta make sure that my friends know that I'm kinda in the middle. I want to go back, but I don't. I have plans to get an internship and a job here in America.. if that company wants me, but not in Alabama haha.. It's prolly in California.

I miss Singapore a lot though. I miss all my friends soooooooooo much and I get kinda happy when I see my family (not immediate) improve their situation.. Although.. no offense, but that hasn't happened in quite a while (mom's side). I also miss food and shopping and stuff..

Anyways, my mom kinda wants to live here in America in the future too. Says that Singapore is just so stressful cuz I guess she got used to the real easy and relaxed life here.

I think that family communication problems are very serious in Singapore.. cuz I guess I was pretty much a trouble child myself. Not a really serious one, but pretty bad. I was lucky, I met a really important person who turned me around but the real reason that I.. is cuz of my mom. Anyways, I think that.. I duno.. parents and children just gotta find ways to talk to each other. Parents and their children shouldn't be too close and they shouldn't be too far apart. It's kinda like economics.. got an equilibrium. I'm talkin shit but I think that.. damn it's so hard to express myself due to my limited vocabulary. Ok. There are some things that parents should know, but not others. That's how I am with my parents and I feel that we're doing really well. We talk on the phone quite a bit (i call them a lot haha) and I enjoy talking to them and I guess they enjoy our conversations too. We're pretty close and I know they love me a lot and they know I love them a lot too. Aww... group hug..!! haha.. stupid me

Yup. I gotta study now.

cars

2006-07-03T12:31:00.000-05:00

i'll put up the photos i took yesterday haha.. im happy that people are interested! haha.. click here to take a look! i have to warn that my baby is not in her best shape cuz someone egged her a few weeks ago n some stupid asshole scratched her up real bad yesterday and ran away. i was pissed man.. hate it when people try to hurt people or things that i love without me around cuz i cant do anything about it. if i ever find that guy (like never), i'll try my best to beat him up real bad n key his stupid face. anyways, im bringing her to a bodyshop next week and they're goin to give her a makeover haha.. just fix her up all pretty n stuff.. so.. i hope no one finds her ugly now cuz i still find her very pretty just a little dirty...

2006-07-02T15:39:00.000-05:00

just took a few pics of my car and my bros haha.. cuz his is just parked beside mine.. i wonder if i should put up the pics now or wait till i get her all pretty next week. anyone wana take a look at my car at her current state? if no one says anything i'll jsut wait..

Had enough

2006-07-01T14:19:00.000-05:00

3 nights ago, someone tried to break into my house. I heard the person try to open the door and Kiska was barking soooo loud but I thought that it was my brother so I was like shut up Kiska! But it wasn't my brother. I found it kinda weird that Kiska would sound so fierce towards my brother and i was thinking 'wow kor's taking long to get into the house' so I went to look. By the time I got to the door, I think the person gave up with Kiska being so loud and stuff so he was gone. I was soooo greatful that Kiska is my babygirl cuz i think she saved my life that night. God knows what would happen to me if that person got in the house if Kiska didn try to protect me by acting fierce. I love Kiska so much. She's just the awesomest friend I have. I say 'acting fierce' cuz Kiska is usually afraid of everything haha... I guess her natural instincts took over when she sensed the stranger.

The next day, I saw a huge cockroach crawling down from the ceiling and then going back into the ceiling in my room. Cockroaches here are twice the size of the ones in Sg.

I've had enough. the moment I saw the cockroach, I went nuts. I drove all the way to Walmart 12am in the morning (yea quite dangerous too) and grabbed as many boxes as I can. Yup Wm is awesome, not like Sg when my mommy tried to get a cardboard box and kena scolded by some chinaguy. Anyways, yea I went to get the boxes and I started packing. I cannot stand this anymore. I think I'm going crazy haha.. I get really really paranoid at everything now. When I hear a knock, or any weird sound, I head to the kitchen (where the knives are) but I guess it's kinda useless cuz ppl here use guns. And when I was taking a shower, like sometimes when a piece of hair is on ur ankle or something it feels kinda ticklish, that happened yesterday and I screamed cuz I thought I saw a cockroach. I really really really have to move out hahaha.. It's like I'm in a horror movie with no ghosts hahahaha..

My mom is getting worried too haha I guess I shouldn't have told her bout the stuff that happened cuz she's already stressed out enough in Sg. She kept telling me that she wants to come back here haha..

I guess not everything is bad. A teacher of mine told me that I would be a pretty good accountant if I'm interested. Ima go meet up with her someday to talk about it. Accountants make pretty good $$ i think. And Ima take my car to the shop next Monday.. OH I should go take a pic of my car now before I forget.

2006-06-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

it is so scary to live in my apartment complex now.. hai.. i cannot wait to move out. last nite, i heard someone get beat up like right outside my window at 1+am in the morning. my bro's car got egged, mine got egged, my neighbor's cell got stolen, my other neighbor's house got burglarized. this is getting overboard man. i feel like im living in a ghetto right now. cant sleep well at night, scared to stay out late, worried about my car..

i hate to say this but i kinda agree with my neighbor that this place has become so much more dangerous ever since our new neighbors moved in. they seemed pretty nice to me but i guess it's cuz i am a girl n i try not to provoke anyone. they scare me.

2006-06-22T23:24:00.000-05:00

im kinda shocked. i know i dun have to right to feel like that but i feel hurt.

i duno what to do. cuz i cant really do anything.

i guess i should not think about it anymore.

my baby

2006-06-21T12:23:00.000-05:00

i think im going to spend quite abit on my car this few months.. so i think i should take before and after pics.. Aiya!! i forgot to take a pic after the eggman egged her.. i've already cleaned her up real well.. too bad i guess.. but i'll take a pic of her tomorrow and then a pic after most of the stuff is done.. it's pretty expensive man.. i'm getting broke.. sianz.. but i guess it should be fine cuz starting next monday, i have class from 9:45 to 1, and 3-4:30, then i gotta work thurs to sun from 5. no time to spend money hehe.. Awesome!

2006-06-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

i just changed my blog song.. another sad song haha.. sorry!! This song is pretty old.. think it came out in 2000 when I didn even know who Usher was haha... But somehow when i was downloading songs i downloaded it too and when i listened to it, i kinda cried a lil. it is so sad.

Oh no, no, no, no
If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue

If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life,
and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well,
and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life,
and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well,
and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you,
I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine Live your life,
and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Yup yup. I hope no guy ever asks me to listen to that song. It's a really good song but is so sad.
Anyways.. I learnt quite a lot these few days.. Much had happened and.. I duno.. It feels so weird. It's been quite a while since my parents left. Someone egged my car so she's going to look really pretty after the paintjob and stuff. Trying to get a social so I can do more stuff here in usa. Missing my friends... hai.. gotta go study for final...

2006-05-30T00:29:00.000-05:00

i just realized that this world is so complicated and fucked up. and things written in most books actually appear in real life. i just wish fairy tales do too.

what an awful weekend

2006-05-29T11:24:00.000-05:00

I've learnt a lot this past weekend. Money is such a piece of shit. Cant say I hate money cuz im happy when i spend it, especially on people i love. But money destroys everything so im not going to talk about it to anyone anymore.. besides maybe my boss.. haha..

anyways.. my parents went back to mobile today.. they are leaving on wednesday. i cried my tears dry so i guess i got over it already.. that's pretty quick.. just a few hours.. i just think that they will be back next summer plus with skype we can talk everyday.. i just need a webcam.. i think they have one already..

2006-05-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

My parents are leaving to go back to Sg really soon.

cant think of a title

2006-05-19T00:32:00.000-05:00

People say that knowledge is good.. I guess it is in a way.. but I duno..

When I was in Singapore, I didn't know nothing, but I was really happy. But when I came over to the US, I guess I got exposed to more and more stuff and thus gained a little bit of knowledge haha.. I've never really been happy ever since I left Singapore. I guess if Im still staying in Singapore, I would be a lot more stupid than I am now (and that is very very very very very stupid). I may be happy but i think it prolly won't last. Cuz one day I will have to step into the adult world with that stupid brain... Oh.. I think maybe coming to america just brought me to the adult world a lot earlier than if i were to stay in Sg.. Hmm.. I guess all i wish for now is just happiness, being able to be happy for a long long time. It's really difficult for me.. Jealousy, anger, hatred, sadness is quite a big part of me. I hope i'll be able to cope with them and not let them ruin my life.

Anyways, I signed up for a new phone plan = new phone! I got the Samsung E635.. hehe..

Yupyup.. I'm exited. it's not a flip phone.. i like flip phones.. but i guess its ok.. it's a slider phone haha.. i think that's what they call it.

the date of my parents departure is drawing nearer and nearer. hai... next sat and sun is the last time i'll see them for a very very long time. i wish i was rich. then i can go bac to sg every year or something. too bad i'm not, or i'll get the rx7 too.

2006-05-15T23:54:00.000-05:00

i came back to my parents' place last friday.. and it's already monday night! been playin gamecube all day haha..

i found out that my friend decided to quit playing the piano.. i think it's such a waste cuz she's really really good at it... unlike me.. i still play a little sometimes.. my teacher said its a waste that i stopped.. i duno..

sometimes i just wish that i have a talent, like, just be really good at at least one thing. Some people are good at playing games.. some good at playing some musical instrument.. some people are really smart.. some good at making jokes.. some hardworking.. but me, i'm just not good at anything really. Some people are not good at anything but they are really pretty or something like that..

mayb i would've been good at playing the piano if i started earlier.. mayb i would've been smarter if i am less lazy..

but i guess im ok with who i am now. it's not like im really a real real loser haha.. i still have friends n stuff..

hai im so tired.. i guess i should go sleep soon

Nintendo Wii

2006-05-09T18:55:00.000-05:00

My lil bro told me today bout the new Nintendo Wii that's going to be released i duno when. It looks really cool. Check out the webbie : http://wii.nintendo.com/home.html . I like it. Looks cool. I might get it. Duno. Haha.. Gotta save up for my car first.

So tired

2006-05-06T23:09:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I got a B in my Busi Cal class this semester again man!!!! It's so fucking unfair!! I actually studied for this class man... I got a B last semester cuz I did not really study for it at all. And I got a B again for studying??!! This school really knows how to encourage people to study. Such assholes.. I can't believe it man.. If that stupid Chinese guy would let his A students exempt from the finals, I would've gotten an A man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! So annoying!!! I was hoping to pull up my GPA too with that class man... It is so fucking annoying. I feel like killing someone. I am so pissed. I studied for that class man... Is he tryin to tell me that I'm not asian enough to get an A in that class?? aaHHHHHH!!! I'm so angry!! Bastard.

I am very discouraged. I really hope that my English teacher will give me an A cuz I studied even harder for her class. It would really confirm that I am stupid if i get a B.

I have one more final on Monday. For that class, I already had 2 tests. For the first test, I did not study at all and got 72.5. For the second test, I studied quite a lot but still got 72.5. No improvement at all. Am I really that stupid man... ... Maybe I should go back to high school. I'm not going to bother to study at all for this exam man. I hate Auburn University. Auburn loves to tell me that I'm stupid as hell.

Hai.. I'm so tired. I worked so hard this month, for so many hours, but boss didn't raise my pay! He said he was going to raise my pay when I answer the phone n use the cashier machine. I did that really well really. But he didn say anything. I told my colleagues and they were like u gotta tell him cuz he forgets everything. I duno man.. I guess i'll ask him about it.. hai.. Everything is so troublesome. I hate doing troublesome stuff.

Enough of complaining. Other than those 2, I guess my life's still pretty good. I miss Kiska a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot. And my parents are going to leave me to go back to Singapore really soon. Everytime I think of that, I cry. So, I try hard not to think of it.

Oh ya.. My cuzzin gave birth to her baby and she sent me some pictures.. He is so cute. Haha.. i have a... nephew? already haha... Cuzzin's son = nephew rite? I think so. I hope to be able to look at him in person (i.e. go bac to Sg again) one day.

Wow.. I just realized that I've not really done much besides study and work for this whole month. It is really tiring. I really wish boss would raise my pay so I can have less problems getting a car for myself. And every night, like tonight I take a shower late so even though I'm oh so tired, I cannot go to sleep cuz my hair is wet and it's not good to sleep on wet hair, and hair dryer is a nonononono.

I'm tired of typing.

Email

2006-05-04T21:15:00.000-05:00

Got an email today sent by my friend and this pic n the next paragraph is part of the email.

LOVE starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR. DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you. Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. You can only go as far as you push. ACTIONS speak louder than words. The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff. LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it. A BEST FRIEND is like a four-leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE. Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it. BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us. When it HURTS to look back and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there. TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER. Good friends are like STARS. You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS THERE. DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry? Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

I guess that was really sweet. Well some of them and some of them is just really sad.. especially the 2 sentences that I have in blue. Cuz I noe.. how it feels to see someone u love... it happens to so many people everyday.. its just so terrible.. I duno.. I miss my friends a lot.. Miss Chantal a lot too.. She's been so busy I hardly see her online anymore but I guess she like a star haha...

Actually Im writing this stuff cuz I really dun feel like studying for my final tomorrow and Monday. So boring man.. I hate exams I feel that they are not really useful and just add stress to students' lives.

Anyway, my lil bro told me that he's giving me his gamecube when he goes back to Sg. It seems so weird but I guess it's good cuz I dun have to spend $$ to get one. Damn I think I have pretty awesome bros man. My elder bro takes me everywhere cuz I dun have a car and stuff... ....

Man.. Sometimes I just wish that I could just love someone and have him love me back and just have him all to myself.. He'll be there for me and i'll be there for him.. And i'll never feel alone. But there's just no one around here. No one good enough for me haha... =P so stupid haha.. anyways.. i guess i better go study.

cannot ask for more

2006-04-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

i have to say thhat even tho im not the luckiest girl in the world, i'm already very very lucky. Blessed wit my wonderful parents, my awesome baby kiska, and everyone around me, i should be cursed to always think that i dont have enough. Ever since the surgery, yes i had surgery. Nothing much, just minor stuff that's not really important. Anyways, ever since that surgery, i've become more n more aware of how blessed i am. i have really good friends. Not a lot, but a few really caring and great friends. I'm stupid, but i guess i'm smart enough to make friends who are willing to take care of me and teach me. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn. I'm still young so not much experience. I guess after a few years, i'll be a lot smarter than a lot of other people my age. hehe..

Too bad my parents are leaving America soon. hai.. I guess its good in a way. I get to really really live alone. They wont be there to help me anymore. So im really goin to depend on myself and my ability to ask other people for help when i really need it. But it's going to be really terrible cuz ima miss them a lot a lot. They are having fun at the Grand Canyon now and I haven talked to mummy for a while n i kinda miss talkin to her.

i really hope boss will raise my pay tho haha..

time to update a lil

2006-04-15T01:34:00.000-05:00

hai.. Decided to come update a lil cuz my hair is still not dry yet.. Can't sleep haha.. so tired.. I studied pretty hard yesterday for my math test.. so I didn get enough sleep. Plus I've been working a lot. I feel like my workplace is my third or forth home haha.. weird.

I've not been doing much at all.. Just study and work and lay around but still so tired. Must be Kiska's fault haha.. Took her to the vet the other day n it costed me $82. I need more $$!!! I'm doing more stuff now at work so I hope boss will increase my pay.

My parents n lil bro are going to Grand Canyon tomorrow! I'm so jealous. I get to stay in boring Auburn n work and study. Gross..

Oh ya.. Someone egged n coleslawed (threw eggs and coleslaw) my bro's car. So stupid. But my bro's pretty happy about it cuz that means free $$... I guess its good in a way but still.. I'd be pretty pissed if someone did that to my car. It's so disrespectful. They should go to hell.

Wow its really late ima go sleep.

my mom is the awesomest mom in the world

2006-03-25T10:56:00.000-06:00

I hung out with my mommy today and she is just awesome. I told her everything that had happened, school, work, my boss, and my friend. I told her what happened yesterday that really hurt me a lot and that I think that this friend of mine has already given up on me. She told me that this is what happens when someone wants to teach you and you disappoint that person. She said that this friend won really give up on me if he/she really cares and this person will talk to me, at least when i change. I trust her a lot so i guess I shouldn feel so sad anymore.

My mom talked to me about my boss too. I told her about him having another woman work as hostess letting her do more than i do. She told me that he probably wants me to learn everything slowly cuz I've only been working for a few months and I still have like 4 years to go. She also told me about my dad and his boss and how my dad acted according to my mommy's advice and everything turned better. I guess I should stop thinking that my boss sucks but he just thinks differently.

My mommy also told me that I should try my best to get rid of that flaw that I have. She said she knows it's difficult but I can do it. I love my mom so much. She is so understanding and patient and just awesome.

Oh Ima tell everyone about a really funny thing that happened yesterday before we came back to Mobile. We went to eat at a restaurant but before that, my bro has to drive on a road that merges to the left. My bro was on the right lane so he accelerated to overtake a stupid truck. When we were driving in front of that truck, the driver turned on his high beam and i was like.. wat the heck. It's not like my bro's driving slow or anything, the stupid truck's not even close to us man haha.. When we were turning into the restaurant, he went into the turning lane beside us and was talking to us. I didn really notice it actually he was shouting haha. I was really tired so I didn really hear him.. all I saw was that guy with his body halfway out his window and it looked like he was humping the door when he was shouting at us. I didn have my window open so I didn hear a thing he said haha but its amazing cuz my bro heard him haha. My bro showed him the finger and he showed us his too haha and he went straight... of cuz it was illegal cuz he was in the turning lane. What a stupid man haha... It's really funny. I duno what happened to make him so pissed but I kinda pity him. He just made a fool of himself in front of asians and a few white people haha..

I really hope that my friend will talk to me again soon.

So very flawed

2006-03-24T12:49:00.000-06:00

Nobody's perfect. And the worst people around are those who think that they are perfect. Or maybe not, maybe the worst are those who noe their flaws but dont try to get rid of them. And I guess I'm one of those people. I know my biggest flaw. I always get really pissed easily and then get over it pretty quick too.. (like Kiska.. angry at night n come lick me in the morning). I used to not feel that that's wrong cuz.. i duno.. people just didn let me know. I guess my friends used to just ignore my angry face till I get over it cuz I always do that. And my mommy is forever patient. And I guess my whole family just got used to it. I think it's just.. it's in me for too long and its difficult to change.

But now I learned about that terrible flaw in me cuz someone here let me know about it. I think it's just been there for too long. I try to stop it sometimes but it's so difficult. Is it so deeply rooted in me that I can't get rid of it anymore? This person makes me feel so guilty everytime that happens. I try hard to stop myself from doing that but it keeps coming back. I'm really scared that one day this person will give up on me. Or maybe this person already did. I really dont want that to happen but I duno. What's wrong with me? I can blame it on the way I was brought up, my environment, friends, whatever but it's not use to blame it on other people cuz it is me. I'm the problem. I really wish that I can stop that from happening again.

Life is so difficult with all that shit piling up on me but I guess I cant do anything except try to stand strong. I guess I really should be happy with what I already have. My family's still here with me, I've got an awesome friend who taught me so much about life.. I hope that I still have that friend.. I feel so terrible for being such a terrible friend to this person. Taught me so much but I take everything for granted. I know that I will really cherish this friend a lot but then that terrible flaw will come back and haunt me again. And I guess it kinda just makes this person really pissed as well. I really hope that this person wun give up on me. I want to apologise but I duno if it'll help. What's the use of apologising if it's going to happen again? i really duno what to do

what was i thinking?

2006-03-21T13:20:00.000-06:00

i duno.. haha.. man.... CHANTAL!!!!! Where is my stuff!?!?!?!?! it's gon be TWO months late!!! did u forget about me???? Stupid Singapore always trying to make Singaporeans all forgetful n stuff by giving them so much pressure in school. My pens are runnning out of ink leh... N S.H.E's songs are rotting le.. please please give them to dannis asap i've been waiting for that package for a long long long long time.... please please.... hehe..

im thinkin of dying my hair dark purple haha.. kinda like black but a lil purplish u noe.. It's time to dye my hair again cuz the black's growing out... n it kinda looks ugly.. i wonder if there's purple hair dye in Sg cuz there's definitely none here!

Anyways.. I've decided not to date anyone at the moment. I should not accept every guy that asks me out i guess.. cannot always be so nice rite.. ppl will take advantage hehe.. I really have a lot more to do than date someone u noe. dating ppl are kinda a waste of time.. especially when im only 17. not like ive gotta get married soon or anything.. i haven found anyone that really interests me that much to make me wana be his girlfriend so i guess i'll just wait cuz i noe fate wun be so mean as to not have someone good come by me someday. im in no hurry!

Have a test tomorrow n thursday.. then SPRING BREAK finally!!! hahaa... I cannot wait to see Kiska.. She's gon come live with me when i come bac from spring break hehe..

something just happened and i m so pissed.

Edison chen is SO HOT

2006-03-19T00:31:00.000-06:00

Just went to Edison's blog. Thanks Yuen for givin me that webbie.. Wana check it out? Look under "little linkies here and there". He doesn have many pictures of himself in there.. What a waste haha i hope he puts more pics of himself in there like Kaela. He's too good-looking! Gotta take more pics! His English usage is kinda weird too.. I had to read slow. Maybe I'm just stupid haha.. But.. I duno.. I love Edison. I love Johnny Depp the most though. He's the coolest. Edison is second hehe.. I saw Johnny Depp on a movie trailer while I was at the theatres... Liberator or something..? I'm not sure but I wana watch that movie. I cannot wait for Pirates of the Caribbean 2 to start showing man.. They said somewhere that it will be released Summer 2006.. So.. Soon! I hope.

Lots of stuff happened today at work. I had to wait for my friend to take me home cuz my bro was in Atlanta.. So I talked to the waiters/waitresses while they were eating. I realized that the guy working with me as host is earning TWICE as much as I earn (i do so much more than he does too). I was kinda pissed man. My colleagues told me that he used to work as waiter and boss asked him to work as host but he did not want to cuz of the low pay. Boss then struck a deal saying that he'll pay him a waiter's pay if he works as host so he took it. Man.. I want $$.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!! Maybe I should wait till that guy leaves so I'll be the only host or hostess and tell boss I wana quit cuz so lil $$$ haha and ask for a pay raise haha... I duno.. I dun really wana lose my job too. Boss told me he'll eventually raise my pay. I just wonder when, or if he'll ever do it. And the hostess before this guy earned MORE than the waiters/waitresses do man!!!! What the hell man. And after talking to my colleagues today, I realized what an ass my boss actually is. And here I was thinking that he's a pretty cool boss. I duno.. He's.. I guess most people are like that. When u dun really know them u may think that they are pretty cool and when u get to know how they really are, they suck.

Anyways, a guy from work's going to ask me out soon. My waitress friend told me that haha.. She asked if I have a boyfriend and stuff. I guess I've been pretty close to this guy.. We talk a lot during work and one of the new waiters thought we were a couple haha.. He's really nice and stuff and I guess if I give him a chance he'll treat me really well haha (he's a lot better than the other guy who asked me out to lunch before).. Cuz today I was just kidding when I asked "u wana chip in for my car?" and he's like "ok". Haha.. I duno.. I just told the waitress that I guess we could go out as friends... I duno man... Hai.. Duno if I should get into a relationship right now. I'm going to be busy soon with Kiska here and stuff.. Plus I gotta work more to earn $$ to get a car.. Plus studying.. Plus I wana try to find a piano teacher here.. Even if I'm not busy, I duno if it'll be fair for him cuz.. I'm kinda... ... (better not say anything), and they say that if a woman has a pet with her, she'll love her pet more than her man haha... I dun wana be an ass and.. i duno.. I keep asking to have that someone.. This one's right in front of me.. but I duno if he's the right one.

2006-03-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

I guess I shouldn have said that nothing bad has happened to me cuz they start happening after people do that. I kinda feel terrible. Nothing good has happened to me. I hope they start happening soon cuz so many things happened that I cant really tell the world, or at least the people that visit this webbie.

Also, I remember telling myself to start making people happy or something like that but I don't think I'm doing it right. I really duno what to do. I feel so terrible. I hurt everyone who became closer to me. I duno why. That's why I dont dare to really be close friends with people now. I dun wana hurt people, but I hurt those that are the closest and care the most for me. I really wish that would stop. Maybe I should be a hermit.

想哭但找不到理由。 Actually I have lots of reasons to haha.. Just.. I'm so tired of crying man. It's useless and a waste of time.

Things used to go so well for me. What happened? Everything was going my way till I came to this USA. I got angry when things started to go differently. Then things began to go haywire. And I got angrier. Now I'm angry. All the time. I'm sad and angry. It's not like I'm missing anything. Well actually I am. I miss my family so much. I miss my friends so much.

I want someone really close to me to care about me and appreciate me and love me and I want him to show it. I want him to comfort me when I'm sad and be there for me always. Sounds simple but I've never had a boyfriend like that. The best one... I guess he's like that until I broke up with him... I guess that's why no more no more. Threw the opportunity away. Such a waste. Regret a lot but it's gone.. Never to come back.

Hai... Really hope to get another chance to find a guy like him again.

I'm so spoilT!

2006-03-04T22:53:00.000-06:00

It's time for me to write a lil something here again.

I guess I've been doing pretty well these few days. Nothing really bad has happened to me.

I have decided to give up on the Civic SI. It's too far away. My parents are not rich, neither am I. I've been dreaming about it for quite a while. But when I turn around and look at reality, it's just difficult.

I'm really spoilt. Always needing to get whatever I want. And getting all pissed when I dun get it. Coming here to the USA taught me a lot I guess. There are quite a number of things that I want and I couldn't get. Some I gave up cuz it's just not possible, well I'm just lazy. Others I'm still waiting. Yea coming here taught me to be more patient. I'm not really patient, but I'm a lot more patient than before.

I'm still really spoilt though. My mommy treats me like a princess. My daddy too. N Kiska is spoilt like me too so we kinda give way to each other.

Hehe.. She's so tired. Anyways, I'm spoilt at work too. I want menu food I get menu food. I want to laze around I laze around. I wan sushi I get sushi haha.. Yup found that out today. Sushiman said he'll gimme whatever I want hehe... N work's just easy for me. Sometimes I forget stuff and boss gets a lil impatient but he's nice. Giving me infinite chances. I broke glasses, forgot egg rolls, ate while working, stood in front cuz I felt lazy.. Did everything but he still didn fire me haha.. I should say I'm not a very good employee hehe.. I'm trying my best to improve tho and boss is willing to give me time. He keeps hinting to me that he'll teach me more stuff so I can earn more $$. I LOVE $$. Hehe..

Haiya.. I want $$ $$ $$$$$!!! I've been such a bad girl!! I kinda lost patience wit my mommy just now ai!! Why!! I always feel really guilty when I do that. So stupid man!!! Stupid me!!

I wonder how everyone's doing in Sg.. I miss everyone a lot. N Chantal!! My stuff is going to be 1 month late!! What happened to them?!?!?! haha.. I really hope to get it soon. I miss talking to everyone. Next time I return, we can go to pubs and stuff cuz I'll finally be old enough. But I think I'll prefer to go eat good food. Hai.. No use talkin bout it. I duno when I'll ever get the chance to visit Sg again. Problems wit $$$$ again! I really hope boss will raise my pay...!!

2006-02-23T10:29:00.001-06:00

Man none of the stupid indians are nice. Stupid assholes. They should all go to hell.

haiya..!

2006-02-22T23:33:00.000-06:00

My Indian neighbors are so fucking noisy. Can't sleep in peace for one night man. If i manage to sleep in peace they'll wake me up early in the morning. Fuck man. They are pretty nice.. well only 1 of them we talk to each other sometimes but man.. I duno how many fucking indians are living in that apartment man. See a different face everytime one comes out of there. I only recognize 1 face.

Anyways, my boss asked me today about getting my car and I said i duno if I'm still getting it cuz my parents are going back to Sg soon. Then I said that they'll continue to pay for my school fees. He asked "What about expenses?" and I said still duno about that. Maybe if I tell him that I need to pay for my own expenses.. he may let me earn a lil more $$. I'm so pissed. I never get what I want. I mean, I get what I want lots of times but I'm still pissed man. I duno. I'm just pissed. I just wana sleep. I've been studying non-stop for 4 days now cuz I have a stupid test everyday this week. Sucks man. I hate the stupid teachers. They like to put the test dates together everytime. Stupid stupid stupid! And I have to work so much and earn so little! I can't even get a car!!!! I wish I have lots of $$ man. Life would be so much easier. Hai.. So tired.

My parents are coming to Auburn this weekend and I asked my boss to let me start working Sats next week cuz of that and he asked "What has your parents coming here got to do with you working?" And I was like O.O. I just fucking told u that my parents are leaving here in June man. I can't believe he said that man. I thought he was a caring boss. But I guess bosses are all like that. They never care. They just act like they do. I hate bosses like I hate teachers like I hate white people like I hate black people like I hate being so fat like I hate everything.

I feel so stupid today. And shitty too. I feel so annoyed. Feel like killing someone. I know why I feel so shitty! Must be because of the email someone sent to me about stupid Japanese people eating grilled/Bbq-ed human fetuses. So fuckin gross man. What the hell is wrong with these people.

I just wish that someone would suddenly fall so deeply in love with me and gimme $15,000 for downpayment of my SI. I wish I could control people's minds.

Sunday..

2006-02-19T10:02:00.000-06:00

There are so many things I want now that I can't get but I guess that's life. Sometimes I just wish that I am rich. I would be able to get anything I want, at least most of them. I still remember when I was in Pri 5 I think, I wanted some hamsters really really bad. I started reading a lot about them.. borrowing books to learn about them. Visiting pet shops to look at the different kinds of foods and stuff. Then, money. I never have enough money man haha.. N guess what I did, I went around to everyone I know and asked them to donate some money so that I can get a pet haha.. I guess that sounded too stupid for anyone to understand so I received enough money n I got them haha.. So I guess this is something that lets me know that if I want something, I'll go to any extent to get it and I usually get it haha..

But things aren't that easy anymore. The things I want now, they are either too expensive for me to ask for donations or they are priceless. One of the most important thing that I want now is for my mom to not go back to Singapore. Yup, it's confirmed. My mommy, daddy, and lil bro are going back in June. I really dont want that day to come. I duno how swollen my eyes are going to be. I'm going to be all alone (well with my bro) halfway across the world from them. And I guess no matter how much money I have, I wun be able to get them to stay here.. unless I have enough to allow my dad to not have to work anymore. But it's good for them to go bac too in a way.. Mommy doesn't really like it here and I understand. There are really some disgusting white and black people here. Even some of the asians suck back in Mobile and I dun mean u Violet. Just someone else. Plus I hate my dad's stupid motherfucking company here. Makes me pissed everytime I think about it. They might not be the worst company in the world but they suck. A bunch of sissies tryin to act like they're so smart and great. And I kinda dislike my high school too. Gotta stick it to the man everyday I go to school and I still haven received my stupid high school diploma yet. Stupid big man. Wana kick him in the nuts. So it's better for my lil bro to go bac to Sg to a better school.

Anyways, the other thing that I want... ... The Honda Civic SI.
Anyone wana donate some $$??

Long time no update!

2006-02-05T01:03:00.000-06:00

Haha.. I've been so busy keke.. STUDYING ok. I had a chemistry test on 1/31 and a history test the next day. So I was really really studyin really really hard.

And all that studying paid off!! Hehe.. I got a 99 for my Chemistry test and the teacher sent an email to the class saying she's takin a question out n giving us that 2 points and that's one of the questions i got wrong so.... I guess I got 101... plus the 5 bonus point question we did on Thursday... Haha... I'm so happy man! I'm just kinda worried about history. My teacher told the class that all we had to do was read and understand so I read and understand. I didn't memorize all the names and stuff (stooopid mi..) so.. during the test I was so frustrated cuz I know what they are talking about but I couldn' remember the names for fill in the blank questions! I was so pissed.. I'm going to get that test back tomorrow. uh Monday.

After my tests, I took a break. A really long one.. from Wednesday till today. I didn study at all haha.. I rented 'Prince of Persia: Sands of Time' for the Gamecube cuz my lil bro left his Gamecube here.. It was really fun. I had to play it all day cuz I could only rent it for lke 4 days. Yea... So to save time I used the guide a lot haha..

Oh ya.. Chinese New Year's Day was AWESOME. My parents came, my lil bro came, my baby Kiska came.. I LOVE KISKA SO MUCH! We had steamboat.. I helped my mama prepare a lil.. I love having my family around. They make me so happy.

Then.. I worked too.. Yea.. I was gettin kinda pissed yesterday cuz there's this guy who's so efficient he kinda stole my job so.. I didn't really get to do anything but I dun wana seem like I'm not doin anything.. I duno.. I guess it's good to have someone do my job for me with me still getting paid.. I duno. Time kinda passes faster when ur working instead of standing around..

n.. Oh ya.. Valentine's Day is coming soon. Fuck Valentine's Day man.. Haha.. I'm just kidding. I used to like Valentine's day.. when I had a boyfriend or had people that wana be my boyfriend.. Well.. I guess I have people here that wana be my boyfriend but.. Pfft. Haha..

I'm so tired.

2006-01-29T11:56:00.001-06:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

My Brother

2006-01-18T18:26:00.000-06:00

After thinking about it for a while, I've realized that my brother is actually an awesome brother. The one and only thing that I don't like about him is his untidiness, but he's trying to get rid of that bad habit, which is good. Cuz, he's really a great guy. He's smart, funny, friendly, a little racist but who cares about that man.. Everyone's racist.. If he gets thinner like he was before, I think he would be any girl's dream guy (except me cuz I'm his sister). He's not only all that, when it comes to boy-girl relationships, I think he's really a romantic guy (if you know just a little bit of how he treated and treasured his ex, you'll think so too). And he has good fashion sense too. When I returned to Sg Summer 2004, I had him help me choose shoes and stuff like that.

And of cuz, the great big scratch I got on his car. It was really really really really really bad. I'll take a picture and post it up. Really bad. And he's not angry, he just wished it didn't happen (according to his blog and how he acted when I told him about it). To say the truth, if I were him, I would be like ''fuck you Kristy! Don't talk to me anymore and gimme money to fix that stupid scratch and clean my room and cook for me till i graduate!"

I think that I'm such a terrible sister. I really hope that I'll be able to make it up to him. I've been rude to him quite a few times, actually a lot, sometimes I get really pissed when he was late in picking me up after work.

To say the truth, I think that I'm such a terrible person. I hurt so many people, and I keep blaming people when life begins to suck. I wana say sorry to LONEDEATH (if you ever come visit here), I was really rude and I was just.. I duno.. I wasn't in a good mood. You're my friend, and I treasure you. I'm so sorry. I think I kinda ruined your day, so I'm kinda glad that it was night in Sg and maybe you'll feel better in the morning. I promise to meet up wit you when I return to Sg again.

Sometimes, I just think that I don't deserve to be anybody's friend. I'm lazy. Sometimes I make excuses cuz I'm too lazy to go out with them. I'm really selfish. I have to get what I want, or i'll be pissed, and then evil thoughts will come to my mind. That happened quite a few times recently, and I really wana stop that. I really wana be a good person. I really hope that I can change, make it up to everyone. I wana apologise to everyone whom I've hurt before. I am really sorry. I guess the person I hurt the most in my life is my mom, and I'm trying hard to make it up. And the friend I hurt most in my life is Chantal, and she's kinda like my best friend now. Well, I duno if she considers me as her best friend, but I consider her as mine.. And I really hope to be able to make it up to her as well.

Well, I think I should stop being in this terrible mood. I'm going to try to make myself happy by making up to everyone I've hurt before. I'm going to stop myself from feeling ugly.

Happy Birthday ENA!

2006-01-16T12:32:00.000-06:00

Today's my little bro's 12th birthday. Happy Birthday little boy..

12 years old. Primary six. First boyfriend. Whaha... It's that ahole who changed me man. That guy who made me start ''falling in love''. Before him, I didn't think about love at all. Never thought about having boyfriends. Never thought about anything except.. Damn gotta go to school.. Get bullied.. Go home, eat.. Sleep.. except I didn't use 'damn' at that time. I didn't know any vulgar language.

I'm 17 now. Kinda feeling nostalgic. I wana go back to when I was like 13 years old. Oh yea.. 2001 to 2003, Best years ever, most changes too I guess haha... Hai.. Now that I'm away from Singapore for so long, everything changed so much. People, places, prices, food kinda changed a bit too. And of cuz, I changed too. Gained so much weight.

I still remember when I first came to USA. I spoke little or no English. Didn't really talk much at all in high school. I couldn't speak English man.. I could only write English so I was really happy when my friends wrote letters to me in school. I didn't have much to say to those people anyways. In my whole high school, there were only 2 asians. It sucked a lot.

Anyways, sometimes I regret very much for coming to the USA. But then again, I'm glad I got here. I gained a lot by coming here. Lots of opportunities and stuff like that I guess.. Met different kinds of friends.. Experienced lots of different stuff too. Oh ya and of cuz, weight too.. I really wonder how life would be like if I stayed in Sg.

Life's really difficult sometimes. I duno if I would have been able to survive if my mommy wasn't there for me for so many times. I'm kinda worried about the future too. I duno if I can survive on my own with mommy all the way on the other side of the globe. I guess for right now, life's really not on my side. I wake up everyday hoping to make the most out of each day but sometimes.. I duno.. It's just difficult. Just these feelings. I think life would be better and easier for me if I don't have them.

For now, I only know of 2 situations that I will be truly happy in. Number 1 is whenever my family's (including my baby girl Kiska) around me and we're eating a meal or something with all of us talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Number 2... is private.

I really can't wait for Chinese New Year's Day.

SCHOOL!

2006-01-10T08:50:00.000-06:00

Went to a few classes yesterday.. It was pretty good. I got an ok teacher for math.. Got a pretty cool teacher for English.. She kinda dresses like how the woman who liked GTO in the last episode where he left or something. I got a really funny teacher for history, which is really good cuz I still remember the history class I took in summer. HAha.. It's kinda funny.. I tried soooo hard to stay awake in that class haha... Still have to pai ma pi to get an A in that class.. Haha..

Anyways, I found out where Shop Building 1 is haha.. It is sooooooooooooooo close to my place. Well it's the closest compared to all the other buildings that I have to go to. But the stupid GTA said he can't add me to the class. Said I have to sign up at the waiting list... STOOpid. Waste my time walking there.. Gotta go to Chemistry later.. And hope the teacher would add me to that Chemistry lab class and really really really really REALLY hope that that great big black guy wont be in that class. I don't mind having that tall skinny one who's really fun to be with.

I miss the food in Singapore already.. And I miss Kiska sooooo much.. I really cannot wait for Chinese New Year's day. I hope she remembers me cuz that day when I was talking to my lil bro online with the microphone, she ran out of the house when I shouted Kiska. ='( Maybe she thought I was outside haha.. I'm drinking MILO right now and it reminds me of Singapore haha.. Milo peng!!

School starts tomorrow!

2006-01-08T09:41:00.000-06:00

Yay! I'm so excited! I'm going to study again! I'm going to study REAL hard this semester and make even teachers like my previous stupid english teacher like me. I'm going to pull up my GPA.

I'm kinda worried. My GPA dropped from 4.0 to 3.2 last semester and I'm definitely not pleased with myself. So I'm going to work extra hard this semester. I've got to pull it up to at least 3.5....... And I still dono where Shop Building I is........ I wish I'm still at high school haha.. Everything's sooooooooooooo much easier! And I get to see Kiska everyday.

I miss Kiska so much. Very very very very very much. I can't wait for Chinese New Year cuz my parents are going to come here and bring Kiska here too.. Just 3 weeks! Kiska I miss you!!

People who made my trip an awesome one!

2006-01-03T07:34:00.001-06:00

Haha.. Since Someone wants his name mentioned, I'll mention everyone who made my trip an awesome one!

Number 1 would be my dearest DANNIS kor! HAha... Can you believe that he actually spent like $150 just to treat me to dinner??? Not only that, he listened to all my troubles and everything (and bought me lots of stuff too even tho im like no no! I dont want them! Haha..). Cant find another kor like him man.............. Thanks kor! You're the best!! Sinchien kor is another person that made my trip awesome! So caring and stuff.. And he's always there when Dannis is there.. I feel so terrible that I didn bring anything back from America for you two.... =(

Number 2 would be my family. Well.. I guess they should be first but its ok.. Dannis will remain first haha... I really have to thank my aunt and uncle for letting my whole family stay at their place.. We must be so much trouble (esp me cuz I always reach home late)! Thanks for treating us to dinner and bringing us around to eat the best food in Singapore!! And of cuz my cuzzins too... They are the best cuzzins ever! We never grew apart even after so long! Lili yi's family's the second best! Well.. yall are the best at my mom's side! Thanks so much for the chalet! It was so fun!! And thanks for all the clothes Lili yi! Now I can wear different stuff to work haaha..

Number 3 would be my family again! Chantal, Xinzi, Emily, Sherlyn, Candy, and Ivy.. I'm so sorry I didn get to meet Ivy.. But thanks everyone for bringing me to the best places to shop! Yall are the best!! I think I would have spent like 5000 if yall didn bring me around! Too bad I could ony stay for less than 2 weeks. I miss all of you so much already..

Number 4 would be Valerie and Jeannie. I feel so sad we only got to meet so little times! But it's ok! I'll be back! That day at Seoul Garden was the best! It was so fun! The wobbly jelly wasn't that funny anymore.. maybe cuz the heat's not high enough or something but we definitely had fun! Send me the pics yall took so I can print them out please! =)

Number 5 would be the food in Singapore haha... Well.. um.. they are not people but I miss them a lot a lot already haha.. Chicken Rice was SOOOOO GOOD!! And all the other stuff too haha.. Hai.. I wana go return to Singapore again soon!!!

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T13:59:00.000-06:00

Sorry to be a day late haha.. just got back to auburn.. Singapore was GREAT! I've never had so much fun eating and shopping and hanging out! I didn wana leave!! Too bad we have to do something called studying..

Anyways, I wana thank everyone for making it such an enjoyable trip. Especially to my aunt and uncle for letting my whole family stay at their place for nearly 2 weeks. Thanks to everyone who took time off their busy schedules just to be with me!! Haha...

For those who were too busy to meet up... ahem.. jason.. haha... its ok i'll be back. Just dun forget me k!

Sooooo tired!

Taking a break!

2005-12-11T10:57:00.000-06:00

Alright! Time to take some time off all that studying! I'm kinda proud that I studied so much. But I can't believe my math test yesterday man!!! I practiced soooooooooooooooooo much but I believe I did pretty badly in it. My dad said it's prolly cuz I didn get enough sleep. I think he's quite correct. I was sooooooooooooooooooo worried about English but I think I read my information so much that I memorized it and wrote everything down in that stupid essay. Hope to get nothing less than a B in that class..

Anyways, I'm going to study Chemistry later! I'm currently getting a C in that class. Ops! BUT it's difficult to do good in a class with a teacher that's so... I'm not going to say anything cuz I'm not really smart either. But I'd rather have a GTA teach me than him. He made me lose interest in chemistry.

I'm coming back to Singapore in.. 3 days! I am so excited! Actually I'm not really that excited cuz I've gotta go to China first.. And there's so much to do in Singapore with my visa stuff.. I really hope to have time to hang out with my friends...

I think that I'm such a lucky girl. I've really gotta study hard next semester. I've been playing around this one haha.. Can't help it! It's so fun hanging out with friends in college! I'm so glad to know them too! I've learnt so much more this semester than the previous one (I guess about life, not school subjects). And I've met a few people that are my age that are already engaged!!! WOW.. .. ... ....

Anyways, I like this song so much (the one you're listening to right now if you didn click stop on that window media player plugin)! I think it's soooooooooo true! I'll put the lyrics here so you can read.

Love can be a many splendored thing,
Can't deny the joy it brings,
Dozen roses, diamond rings,
Dreams for sale and fairy tales,
It'll make you hear a symphony,
And you just want the world to see,
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool you every time...

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

Now I was once a fool it's true,
I played the game by all the rules,
But now my world's a deeper blue,
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too,
I swore I'd never love again,
I swore my heart would never mend,
Said love wasn't worth the pain,
But then I hear it call my name...

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

Everytime I turn around,
I think I've got it all figured out,
My heart keeps fallin', and I keep on ballin'
Over, and over again.
Guess that story always ends the same,
Me standing in the pouring rain,
seems no matter what I do,
It tears my heart in two.

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

It's from Love Actually. I heard it during credits and like it alot so I went to find out what song it is haha.

Yup, that's the trouble with love. I've got no say at all. But I guess there's a reason why I can't let go. No there's not a reason. There are lots lots lots of reasons. Everytime I see him I wana give him a hug and a kiss. Would give anything to make him the happiest guy in the world. But sometimes I'm just so stubborn. And I'll kinda get annoying. And then I'll get angry when people get annoyed with me. And I'll continue to act angry. And I'll not apologise cuz I'm so stubborn. And in the end I'll not know what to do. With Kiska, she forgives me the next morning she sees me. But I duno.. Haha.. Why am I so stubborn like a donkey!!! Stupid me!

Anyways, it's time to go study AGAIN~... .......

what am i doing?

2005-12-04T18:19:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what I'm doing. It used to be me willing to give everything to make my mummy happy. Now there's someone else. I'm willing to give everything to make him happy too. As long as he's happy, I'm glad. I'd do anything, really anything for him to be happy. What is wrong with me? Guys ask me out here and there but I dont care. I dont want any attention from anyone except my mummy and him. It's already difficult enough with my mum alone.. Why bring in another? I really wish.. I dont know. I wish that.. I want to be happy!!!!! Why is it so fucking difficult? What did I do wrong? I'm so selfish. I shouldn't want to be happy. I wana make my mummy happy. If she's happy, I'm happy. I wana make him happy. It's so difficult. I hate crying so much. And I didnt cry. I followed my rules.. Just the other day. I couldn hold it in but I didn really cry, just a teardrop or 2. But now whenever I think of it, it seems like we're never gona be together. And It's difficult to hold it in.

I think love is really painful.

UPDATE ON FLIGHT

2005-11-21T20:40:00.000-06:00

This is my previous entry:

ALRIGHT! I've got my flight schedule here so LOOK CLOSELY!! =D

Flight SQ 29 departing from Los Angeles at 11:25p.m. to arrive in Singapore at 11:50a.m. (Dec 16th). We leave Singapore at 7:50 a.m. on flight Mi 922 reaching Xiamen at 12pm.

This is the IMPORTANT part:We will depart on flight Mi 923 on Dec 20th from China and touch down at 9:20p.m. in SINGAPORE.

I would really really really really wish to see ALL my friends, jies, dis, kors, and meis at the airport.... And of cuz.. my family too... Haha.. So.. please come I would really appreciate a hug and/or kiss haha...

This is the update. I just realized that I will stay in Singapore from Dec 16th to Dec 17th and then leave for China. So.. I can meet yall for a longer time than on Dec 20th since that's at night..

So.. I will reach Singapore on DEC 16th AT 11:50a.m. on FLIGHT SQ 29! Please come on that day instead everyone!! So sorry for the confusion!!! I hope to see ALL my jies, dis, kors, meis, friends, and family at the airport! Would really appreciate a hug and/or kiss haha.. =D

Also, Ima get a prepaid cellphone and have my number here so yall can call me and we can go hang out! =) Please talk to me on msn or email me to ask anything if you're confused!! Hope to see everyone at the airport cuz I miss everyone sooooo much! =)

I am 17!

2005-11-18T11:27:00.000-06:00

=D No longer only 16! Haha.. 1 more year and I'll be 18 and I can register for eBay whaha...

I'd like to thank EVERYONE who wished me happy birthday! I'm so happy! Georgie even called to sing me a birthday song! All the way from Singapore! Haha.. =D I received many gifts too! And I love ALL of them! They are all so useful and cute! Haha..

For all those that did not... I guess it's really tough to live in Singapore and yall are just too busy and stressed up right? Yall remembered, just.. Iono.. Haha.. Oh well

Haha.. I'm so happy that most of my closest friends remembered! And even some of those who I thought would forget rememberED! Thank you all so much! I love all of you! =D

=D

2005-11-16T14:32:00.000-06:00

Haha... I already got a birthday ecard from my dearest cuzzin Yuen and Dada... I'm so happy. Yall got me teary-eyed!!! I miss yall soooooooooooo sooooooooooo much!! We are going to eat the really really delicious chicken rice when i return right???!!

And of cuz my dearest mei has already wished me happy birthday.. Jeannie you made me cry reading your blog!!!!!!! I miss everything we did and of cuz you!! SO MUCH!! haha.. I'll NEVER forget the wobbling jelly!! Haha.. We should go eat Seoul Garden when I return!! I really really cannot wait to see you!! I miss you sooooooooooooo much!! You're the best mei anyone could have.

BACK TO SINGAPORE!

2005-11-15T22:58:00.000-06:00

ALRIGHT! I've got my flight schedule here so LOOK CLOSELY!! =D

Flight SQ 29 departing from Los Angeles at 11:25p.m. to arrive in Singapore at 11:50a.m. (Dec 16th). We leave Singapore at 7:50 a.m. on flight Mi 922 reaching Xiamen at 12pm.

This is the IMPORTANT part:
We will depart on flight Mi 923 on Dec 20th from China and touch down at 9:20p.m. in SINGAPORE.

I would really really really really wish to see ALL my friends, jies, dis, kors, and meis at the airport.... And of cuz.. my family too... Haha.. So.. please come I would really appreciate a hug and/or kiss haha...

I am not looking forward to my birthday.

2005-11-09T14:38:00.000-06:00

My 17th birthday is the first birthday I'm going to have without my parents and away from Singapore. What would happen? Iono.. I hope it'll be ok. I'm really not looking forward to my birthday cuz.. of a couple of reasons I guess. Firstly, it's been more than 2 years since I left Singapore. Do they still remember me? What if my birthday comes and even my closest friends like Xinzi, Chantal, Emily, Jeannie, Valerie, Candy, Sherlyn, and Ivy don't remember? I would be really disappointed and sad. I mean, I would rather not know that they've forgotten than you know. But then again, how can I have such little faith in my closest friends? They would be pretty disappointed if they see that I don't have faith in them. So, I'm gonna hope that they remember.. Hehe.. Damn.. I miss them so much. I duno how I'm going to react when I see them again next month.

Secondly, my parents are not going to be here.. They'll come on November 18th though.

I duno what else. Anyways, I really miss eating Seoul Garden with Jeannie and Valerie on occasions we consider important like birthdays and.. some other ones haha..

I'm going to ''celebrate'' my birthday this year with friends that I know for only a few months. I duno.. Duno what to expect. I guess it's alright cuz I don't really celebrate my birthdays anyway. I think I usually celebrate it by going shopping and then eating at some fancy restaurant.

Haha.. I still remember my birthday last year.. My first birthday celebrated in America. Oh wait.. maybe it's my second one in America since I came to America August 2003... Anyways, I ate ramen noodles haha.. My family and I were supposed to come to Auburn to get my brother and go to Atlanta to eat some Chinese food. We ended up not going to Atlanta cuz... something about my brother haha.. Or maybe we went but did not eat Chinese food.. Something like that haha... So I guess this year wont be as bad as last year's haha... I hope haha...

If I had one wish

2005-11-05T10:01:00.000-06:00

I was just listening to ''One Wish'' by Ray-J. The chorus of the song goes:

If I had one we would be best friends
Love will never end
It would just begin
If I had one wish you would be my boo
Promise to love you
Trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish
We would run away
Making love all day
Have us a baby
If I had one wish
I'd make you my whole life
And you'd be my wife
Make it right this time
If i had one wish

The song sounded pretty good but I think that is kinda stupid. If I had one wish, I would NEVER ever wish to have a boyfriend or wish that the guy I like would like me or something like that. It's a stupid waste of a wish dont you think? Haha.. I guess some people would wish for money.. fame.. knowledge.. peace.. But me, I guess I'm a little weird but if I had one wish, I would wish that my mummy would be the happiest person in the world. Well, I think if I'm still like I was 3 years ago, I would wish to become the wealthiest person in the world. But.. I duno.. I guess my mummy is the most important person in the world to me. I feel happy when she smiles and I feel proud when she gives me compliments. My mummy is the reason why I'm still alive now and living like I should be. I guess it's a little like Naruto and Iruka sensei haha.. I miss my mummy and Kiska. Can't wait for Thanksgiving.

Jin

2005-11-03T16:07:00.000-06:00

I think Jin's the best MC haha.. Well at least he's my favourite. Please go buy Jin's newest album, ''Presents the Emcee's Properganda''!! Gotta support Jin!! =D

I'm confused.

2005-11-03T15:19:00.000-06:00

Ok.. So Jin's album, ''Presents the Emcee's Properganda'' is out.. Released Oct 25th.. I've been to every store that sells cds and none of them have it. Jin's official website still has ''The Rest is History'' as his latest album. All his songs can be found on limewire. I can buy the album in amazon. Bestbuy in Mobile, Al has it. DAMN!!! I want that album right now!!!

Anyways, Jin has a Documentary movie coming out. Click here to download the trailer. It's ''coming soon''.

Oh oh..... Jin's ''official'' website is not his website anymore.. No wonder! He 'retired' from Ruff Ryders.. Click here to go to Jin's website. He's THE EMCEE now.. I'm so glad he didn't stop rapping. Cool cool. Ima go check out that website now.

Tesuto!

2005-11-01T16:09:00.000-06:00

I have a Chemistry test tomorrow.... And I have not done 1 bit of studying! It's all my friend's fault. She told me we should study together so we're going to meet later at 7 to study. And I'm just leaving everything to later haha.. Guess I gotta stay up all night tonight to study!

Jin's latest album, "Presents The Emcee's Properganda", is out. It came out 10/25 BUT!!!! I went to Best Buy today to look for it.......... Couldn't find it and the salesperson said it wasn't here yet and it may come later at 3p.m.when I have class!! =( I cannot believe it man!! I was going to just download all the songs and I can cuz I found all of them on limewire (already) but I decided against it cuz I wana support my favourite rapper! And this happened to me.. I went to Walmart too but nothing. I was going to go to Hastings but it started raining. What the heck man!!! Yesterday was sooooooooooooooo beautiful! And today's all gloomy and stuff.

Happy Birthday Min. I'll be 17 in 16 days!!! Ain't that exciting??!!?

Oh ya.. Man I HATE SASUKE!!! Dammit! Why do the people I like always disappoint me? I think Naruto is sooooooooooooooooo much cooler than Sasuke now. I like Shikamaru. He's pretty cool too. Smart but lazy. Good combination.. But Kakashi's the BEST! =D

2005-10-30T01:42:00.000-06:00

I broke three of my rules today. Oh no. Yesterday. Hai.. And I received my punishment. I played football (not soccer) today and the ball hit my earring and it ripped my ear uh.. I duno what it's called but it's the harder part.. uh.. the part where you put pressure on when things get too noisy around you and you wana reduce the volme.. haha.. anyway.. It hurt and it bled a lot. I guess this is the punishment I get for breaking not one, not two, but three (maybe four) of my own rules. I cannot believe it. Well uh.. I can cuz I did it. I duno. I just couldn't control myself I guess. I duno what to do with that ear man. I'm kinda worried. And I think that punishment wasn't enough cuz I have lots of pimples popping out all over my face.

Then again, I did enforce some of my rules today. One of it is the ''No crying'' one. That thing hurt so much but I didn't cry. =) But. I've got to stop this. I cannot break my own rules anymore. To prevent myself from breaking my own rules, I'm going to skip 3 meals everytime I break one rule.

I've got to go sleep

opps

2005-10-28T15:55:00.000-05:00

Heavy drinking may harm male hormones, sperm
By Amy Norton
Thu Oct 27, 1:18 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Problem drinking may dampen both a man's sex life and his chances of having children, according to a new study.

Researchers in India found that men being treated for alcoholism had lower testosterone levels and more sperm abnormalities than non-drinkers did. They also had a far higher rate of erectile dysfunction (ED) - 71 percent, versus 7 percent of abstainers.

Some past studies have suggested that heavy drinking can take a toll on men's reproductive health. One recent study found that couples had a higher miscarriage risk if the man had consumed 10 or more drinks a week around the time of conception.

Also, it's known that alcoholic men can develop signs of low testosterone, including shrunken testicles and enlarged breasts.

The new findings add to evidence that heavy drinking, at least among alcoholics, may harm both men's sex lives and their fertility, according to the study authors, led by Dr. K. R. Muthusami of Kovai Medical Center and Hospital in Coimbatore, India.

"Men are advised to refrain from chronic alcohol consumption if they want to procreate and lead a normal sex life," the researchers conclude in the medical journal Fertility & Sterility.
On the other hand, it's unlikely that light drinking would have any significant effect on men's fertility, Muthusami told Reuters Health.

The study included 66 non-smoking men who had sought treatment for alcoholism, along with 30 non-smokers who had never consumed alcohol. On average, alcoholic men had a significantly lower sperm count, but more abnormal sperm, as well as lower testosterone levels and changes in other reproductive hormones.

According to the researchers, these findings likely reflect direct damage to the testicles caused by excessive alcohol. Alcohol, Muthusami said, enters the testicles directly and can both cut testosterone production and harm the quality of semen.

But the potential harm is not limited to men. Other studies, the researcher noted, have found heavy drinking to impair women's reproductive health as well.

It is time to do something

2005-10-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

I realized today that I've been wasting my time. I've been wasting days going depressed and getting angry and other stuff like that. It is time I do something about myself. I've forgotten about how I was. I left all my beliefs and my will to meet my expectations back home when I started living on my own (or wit my brother). I have to say that it is abit late cuz there are some things that I have done against what I believed and I cannot go back. However, I'll make the best of what I have now and stop wasting time.

I've made a list for myself so I won't forget. Of cuz, some of those ''rules'' are not really meant to be shared wit everyone so I will list a few that can be. Here goes:

-Spend at most 1 day each week cleaning the house.
I spent too much time trying to keep my house clean before and hmm.. with my brother in the house, it'll never be clean so.. gotta stop wasting my time.
-No more skipping classes.
I skipped a few classes last week cuz I wanted to hang out/play computer games. It was terrible. I regretted that terribly. I went to the library to borrow a book to read for a quiz today. Spent so much time trying to find it but couldn't cuz it was missing and the other version of the book wasn't there either. I was really frustrated and thought about skipping class tomorrow since I'll only be taking the quiz. No. I cannot do that. But man, today's the only day that I went through so much trouble for school and this happened. I was furious, which leads to my next ''rule''.
-Manage my anger (think positive so I wun get all fucked up all the time)
I think what happened is good cuz I was responsible enough to go look for that stupid book.
-No more thinking about having a boyfriend
It's just a waste of time.
-Treat others like how you want people to treat you
This one has been my belief for a long time. I just didn emphasize on it enough in my life.
-No crying.
It's just a waste of time and crying makes me feel weak.
-Spend at least 1 hour everyday to read (online news, BusinessWeek, reading assignments from English..)
Improvement in Number 1. Like my mummy said, no improvement = deterioration.

There are some others but I dun wana continue boring my readers haha..

I need to study abroad. My friend today asked me if I'm going to Japan next year.. I'm really not sure.. I want to but I dont wana waste my time. I'll have to waste 1 semester if I go there cuz the terms there are different from here and I don't wana still be in college till I'm like 25. Haha.. I'm exaggerating. =D

Anyways, when's Jay Chou's album coming out?? Please send me his songs if you have them..!! Thank you!! And uh... S.H.E.. Where are they now..? Anyone knows??

Ohoh.. I watched Naruto episode 101 a few days ago. It's sooooooooo funny!!! It's the episode where they tried to get Kakashi to take off his mask to see his real face. Haha.. I liked that episode A LOT! Haha.. I wonder how Kakashi's real face looks like. Will I see it in future episodes??? Anyone?

2005-10-24T11:32:00.000-05:00

Damn it's cold

Some people are just soooooo miserable.

2005-10-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

Man... Something interesting happened at work today.

When I got to work today (at 4:40p.m.), there was already tons of people eating the buffet. It's kinda weird cuz it's only 4:40. People eat that early? Anyways, everything was going well, I was doing my usual sidejobs and saying hi to everyone.. I was going to ask boss if I could eat dinner when I finished my sidejobs but a Meixican woman and her grandchild went to the counter to pay so I was like ok... I'll wait. I was waiting and was like, man.. she's taking a long time and I'm getting hungry so I went to take a look at what's happening. Turns out one of the waitresses/waiters wrote on the check that she drank a soft drink when it was her grandchild who got the soft drink. Boss was sooooo patient trying to explain to her saying it's the same price and all that shit. She got pissed. Haha..... Boss kept trying to explain but she didn't wana listen at all. Boss even said ''Look, I'm trying to explain to you but you're not listening. '' And she was like. Why did they put it on my check instead of my grandson's and shit like that. She took out some money and put it on the counter and walked out. By that time, boss was like ''what's the f- difference? you're paying anyway!'' He didn't really say the 'f-' but I heard him stop himself at the last minute haha..

Well.. I thought that would be the end of stupid shows by weird Mexican women but no. Her grandson came back and told boss that his grandma wants change for her money. Boss was like ok and got the change and SHE came back again! Haha.... She said ''Don't you ask me what's the fucking difference''. Note that she used the f-word first. And they started quarreling again and man it was LOUD. Boss was so angry he was about to hit her and she shouted ''you dare to hit me? come on and hit me!'' Everyone was looking at them and I'm the only one trying to stifle a laugh. That woman was making a freaking fool of herself man. Haha.. The f-word started to fly around. Then she said ''my grandson's over here how dare you use f-word you motherfucker'' And I was like.. hmm.. :S Haha.. Man I was trying so hard not to laugh cuz damn my boss was angry. After a while he invited her to continue outside in order to not disturb the other customers. I don't know what happened outside but boss was still pretty angry when he came back. Man. Some people are so miserable. Stuff worse than this happened to me and my family at other restaurants and we always go ''oh well''. Haha.. Man.. That woman. She's weird. I guess she likes to make people miserable along wit her. I don't think shouting and quarreling like that makes her happy, it certainly doesn't make anyone in the restaurant happy. She's weird. And I had to wait till 8:40 to eat my dinner. Damn that bitch... Haha.

Anyways, haha... The weather's cooling down. =D Lowest 7 degrees highest 17... Hehe... I'm just saying this to make my friends in Singapore jealous haha.. Just kidding. Man. If the temperature in Singapore is like that, Singapore would be the coolest place to live in. Well.. Singapore is really the coolest place to live in. Just, it would be cooler if the temperature is like autumn all year.

I CANNOT wait to go back to Singapore this Dec. I wana get lot's of food. I suddenly remembered MAN TOU today while working. The fried ones, SO GOOD. Ahh.. I can't wait to eat when I return to Singapore.

I miss SINGAPORE!!!!

2005-10-22T10:11:00.000-05:00

Went to Atlanta yesterday.. And got a haircut. Man.. I wanted to grow out my hair and I told my hairdresser that.. HAha... I guess... I just have to wait. I am NOT going to cut my hair again for 6 months. Hmm.. maybe I could get hair extensions when I return to Sg... But that'll be a waste of time!! I've only got like 11 days? I've gotta spend all that time wit my family and friendS! Damn.................. Why do I have to go get a haircut?!?! Haha... Well.. I guess it's all good. HAha..

So... I spent Thursday watching NAruto... I think I'm going to play Rise of Nations after this. That game is SO fun! Man.. I wish I could stay longer in Singapore. 11 days. What is that man?? I need at least a month. Even a month's not enough. Remember last summer? I stayed for about 2 months I think and IT STILL WASNT ENOUGH!!! So much to do!! Gotta shop, gotta eat, gotta catch up wit friends, gotta catch up wit cuzzins. Don't even have time to sleep!!! MAN. I think I'm not going to sleep at all when I return to Singapore. I'll just sleep more when I get to China. Damn. I miss everyone so much. I wonder how TM is now. I wonder how Orchard Road is now. I wonder how everyone is now! I wonder if everyone misses me too.. Hehe.

Anyways, I think I'm fine as long as I don't spend a whole day at home. I duno. Everything's so different now. Without my parents here wit me, I've gotten so much lazier. I do study and stuff.. But.. I duno. Oh ya, that reminds me, I have math to do. And the way I eat, man it has changed a lot. I'm not eating enough veggies an fruits. Always eating meat or ramen noodles. And I'm not controlling the amount of food I eat too.. HAha. MAN. Ima go play games now.

iono how i'm supposed to feel

2005-10-17T18:53:00.000-05:00

I've been so stupid. I'm taking so many things for granted everyday.

I have my parents. The two people that love me the most in this world. I miss them so much.

Why am I so weak? I cry even more than Sakura does. For no reason too. I think something's wrong with me. I get angry for no reason. And after I get angry, I become sad. And then I cry. After that, I'll stare blankly into space. What's wrong with me. And this doesn't happen just once or twice a month like pms or something. It's nearly... everyday. Days that I stay at home and lock myself in my room. What's wrong with me?

I have such a great family. I have great friends. I even have a cuzzin that keeps a constant lookout for me all the way at the other side of the world. I have everything I need. I have more than everything I need.

Im hungry.

Naruto..!!

2005-10-14T15:49:00.000-05:00

True true. I remember being sooooooo happy before I started having boyfriends..

Anyways, gotta work today. I DO NOT like working. It is so super boring. And I'm always hungry when I'm working cuz the food there's pretty good and I can eat anytime I want to as long as I keep an eye on the entrance of the restaurant. This means... I'm getting fatter. I think I'll bring an issue of BusinessWeek to work later so I can read when I'm bored. Hehe.. As long as I don't get carried away, (which I will not be cuz it's BusinessWeek man) I'm ok.

I took a picture of the Naruto poster I bought. And A few pictures of Kiska. Please go take a look(click on link in sidebar)!

I think I spend too much time thinking about useless stuff. I've gotta stop wasting my time and make the best out of life. I should spend that time thinking about my future and stuff like that. I'm getting better at managing my time now.. I think. I write down on a piece of paper everything that I need to do for that day and try my best to accomplish it. I also wrote down all important dates and stuff. Gotta start studying early for my tests.

Anyways, Naruto is soooooooooooooooo good. I love that anime sooooo much! Here are a few of my thoughts about the characters:
Kakashi is the coolest of them all.
Naruto's pretty cute and he's sooooo funny.
Sasuke's the best looking.
Gaara is scary.
Orochimaru makes me sick.
Konohamaru is kinda annoying.
Hinata's the coolest of all the girls.
Sakura cries a lot.
Shikamaru's kinda like me except he's very much smarter.
I like how the Second Hokage looks.
Kiba and Akamaru is so cute together.
Gai and Rock Lee makes me laugh.

I'm hungry.
Yuen Yuen's the best cuzzin anyone can have.
I miss Singapore sooooooooooo much.

i am bored..

2005-10-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

Today's Wednesday. I don't feel like doing anything but I gotta go work later.. I'm confused.. I duno what to do... I feel like hanging out with Brian but I.. dun feel like walking and I have to work later.. I have a little homework to catch up on too. I'm going to work hard to get good grades. I've already disappointed her by failing my math test. HAha.. it's kinda funny. I didn't expect myself to do so badly. I guess I'm not very smart haha.. I'm confused.. I duno which study abroad I should go to.. I told all my Japanese friends that I'll be going to the Japanese one.. But I wana go to Europe too..

MAN IM BORED. I feel like going to six flags. Rollercoasters are fun.

MAN IM BORED. I wana have a boyfriend so I can spend all my time with him and not feel bored. Haha.. That sounds like Kiska. I spent all my time on her when I was in high school. Too bad she's not here now. I MISS HER SO MUCH. That face she gives me when I wake her up to play with her haha... The scratches she always gives me. That stinky mouth. That soft fur.. I MISS HER SO MUCH. Man, if I ever have another boyfriend, I'm going to treasure him sooooooooooo much. I learnt from all those mistakes man. I'll give up everything for him. I'll try my best to understand him and try my best to be a good girlfriend.

I need a haircut. It's been quite a while since my last one. Maybe I'll get it when I go to Atlanta. Gotta redye my hair too... It's growing out and becoming ugly.

I know what I can do now! I'll go play worms!

2005-10-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

My mummy's here today!! And I'm so happy! Kiska is sleeping on my bed now!! And I'm so happy! I love it whenever my parents are around. Why? Cuz I love them SOOOOOOOOOOO much! They are the bestest people in the world. Kiska got me a little pissed today cuz she kept eating oily stuff on my bed on the floor in my room. But she's alright. I love her SOOOOOOOO much too. She makes me happy. Looking at her sleep makes me feel so relaxed.

My Kensington mouse that I bought online just ran out of power today. It's a 72214 and so it's battery cover is so freakin hard to remove. I've been on it for a while already. My thumbs are starting to hurt a bit so I'm taking a break right now.

My house's all messy again haha.. Gotta clean everything up tomorrow and do some homework. It's time to work hard. No more messing around.

I wan a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-04T11:53:00.000-05:00

Sooooooooooooooooo tired!!!! I think I have a problem man. On weekends, even though I'm so tired, I'm never able to sleep more than 8 hours. Like, sometimes, I sleep at 3 a.m., and I'll wake up at 11 a.m. (last Sat..)! And I'll not be able to go back to sleep.. I think it's my brain.

I have soooooooooooo much to do too!! Mummy's coming here this Saturday! I CANNOT WAIT!!! I miss her soooooooooooo much! I'm going to try to cook for her. I cleaned the bathroom yesterday and will clean the rest of the house by Friday. I have soooooooooo much homework too so... aye...... Gotta finish them first. The lights and stuff are not fixed yet. The electrical guy came by and took a look and told me he'll get me in touch with a professional electrician. :S Haha.. But he's really nice and he's doggy is sooooo cute! I miss Kiska! She's coming this Sat too!!! Can't wait to hug her!! And the filter at my place, I was told that I have to change it myself! 8O It's soooooo dirty! With cig butts and stuff in there! I was thinkin of getting my bro to do it but... Hm. Haha.. It's always me who cleans the house!! Hai. I can't change my brother. Let's wish his future wife good luck. Haha.. I'm so mean to my brother. My brother's a nice guy. So I should stop haha.. He's might be untidy, but he's nice. He's not a bad brother too. Yup yup.

Sooooo hungry!! I went to Atlanta on Sunday and spent more than $100.. I spent $500 last month. Terrible huh. I gotta stop spending and start saving. I want my mummy to be here for my graduation in 4 years. Gotta save up for her plane ticket.

I cannot wait to go back to Singapore!!!!!!!! I'm going to get soooooooo many clothes and jewellery and all that stuff!! I'm going to have to save up to spend money in Singapore. Gotta save!!!!!!! I'm goin to get soooooooooooo many Naruto stuff too!!! And I want a hug from EVERYONE when I get back to Singapore. The most important few are: Jeannie, Yuen, Chantal, Candy, Xinzi, Emily, Valerie, Sherlyn, Ivy, Jason, Jun jie, ... ... And I wana eat when I get back! I wan nasi lemak, laksa, char kway teow, mua chee, that chicken rice from that far away place, uh.. and everything else I see. OH......... BAKWA........................................... That thing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goooooood. Cant wait cant wait! I guess I gotta try to slim down so I can eat that much in Singapore. And I'm going to buy lots of twisties so I can eat them here.

I wan a hug!!!!!!!! Cant wait till Kiska comes so I can hug her!!

Welcome to my bullshit life

2005-10-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Sorry. I feel terrible and I'm going to pour my heart out in this entry. If you do not wish to read bullshit, please click the red button with a cross on it in the top right hand corner.

I told my mummy today that I wana go back to Singapore even though I know it's impossible and things will only get more difficult if I do. Life's like a roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and downs, right? But I have to say that my life right now has been at the down side for a really, really long time and I'm really wondering if it would ever go up again. And for the first time since Jimmy broke up with me to be with Celeste (I'm sorry being angry with you girl it was never your fault.), I feel like dying, just leaving everything behind and sleep forever. The only thing stopping me is my love for my mummy.

I hate my life. It's been so terrible for such a long time now. Is it karma? Maybe it is. My life started to suck after I broke up with Lloyd for no reason. I'm so sorry Lloyd, if you ever manage to read this. I hope you've forgiven me. But I guess you're all happy now with your girl and maybe you'll feel even better cuz I guess I got my punishment. I was so selfish. I thought I was important. But I'm not. I'm not important at all. I'm not important at all. I feel so weak. I feel like giving up. Man I feel like forgetting everything. Just lie down and die you know. Don't have to worry about anything anymore. No hurt, maybe tons of pain the moment when I die but nothing else to hurt me after that. Nothing to make me cry. Nothing to make me sad. Just nothing. No worries. No nothing.

I miss you a lot Jeannie and all the others. I'm so sorry that you have such a weak friend. I thought I was strong. I thought I was everything. I guess I fooled everyone including myself. And now, I'm everybody's fool.

I don't know what else to say. I thought I could pour out everything but I guess not. Just keep crying. Maybe someday it'll all go away.

2005-10-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

Of all the people I've loved in this world, only my mummy has never, ever let me down. She's never made me angry or sad. She's always there for me. She cheers me up whenever I'm down. She cheers me up even when she doesn't know that I was sad. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to survive if she leaves America and returns to Singapore. My mummy is the most unselfish person I've ever known. She sacrificed everything for me. I've let her down so many times but she never gave up on me. She kept sacrificing. She kept supporting me. My mummy is my number 1. Nobody else can beat that. No fucking guy can take her place. No little doggy can take her place. I love my mummy so much. I'm going to work hard for her. I'm not going to cry no more. I'm going to make her proud. I love you so much mummy. I'll do anything and everything to protect you and make you happy.

MATH TEST...!...

2005-09-29T23:56:00.000-05:00

=( I did badly today in my test.... I'm so ashamed and embarrassed man.. I've disgraced my fellow asians. Why am I so dumb....? I guess I'm never really a smart girl haha............................................... Hai but no use cryin over spilt milk. Is it spilt or spilled? I think it's spilled.. Or is it spilt. See. I'm not really smart at all. To think that I was getting angry over the Koreans not being able to speak English. *raspberry* What bullshit..

Aren't asians supposed to be good at math???? What's wrong wit me? I'm pure asian man. I'm CHINESE.... But wth... I guess it's just that I didn't really keep up with my work at all. So, from today on, I'm going to do homework when I get home from school. But I wanna watch Naruto............................................................................ I'm only at episode 28.. osoi...... Even Kyna's at episode 35 now....................................................................... I'm so tired. But I wana watch NAruto................................................................. Class from 8 till 2 tomorrow.. Then gotta go to the medical clinic.... Then work... BORING. BORING BORING. I wana watch NARUTO....

My closet door decided not to open today. I'm glad I did my laundry or I wouldn't be able to take a bath until someone comes to fix that shit. Stupid bullshit people. I called my landlady (I guess) today and she says she'll send someone here today and that asked if she can use her key to come in and fix it if I'm not home. I said yea. But hey that stupid knob's still broken! =D I gotta sleep with 3 piles of clothes on my bed today!

Man I'm so tired. To say the truth.. I'm kinda hating college. Well.. I'm kinda hating everything right now. I'm worried that my boss might fire me cuz I'm really a terrible worker. Even I don't think I deserve that much pay. The first time I packed someone's to go order, I forgot to put in the sweet and sour sauce for the chicken and it was standing right in front of me while I was packing. I hate school. I hate it when people sit beside me and make me feel awkward cuz they dont wana talk to me but I dont really feel like talkin to them either so I keep my mouth shut the whole time too. This equals? Not knowing many people. Equals? Not many friends. But to say the truth I don't think I give a damn man. I spent enough time on my friends I already have... I guess. Iono.. I hate classes. They are pretty annoying and troublesome and sometimes even difficult. I hate my apartment. I try to keep it clean all the time but my brother just manages to get it dirty somehow. Guess he's busy wit other stuff. I hate my grades. I have a few zeros now cuz I missed assignments the few times I missed class. Fuck that man. And English. What the heck man I don't need to write shit papers. They are all just a waste of my fucking time. You say C is the average? I wrote bullshit and you gave me B+? That's not right.. And I hate it that everyone around me has boyfriends and girlfriends and I'm fucking alone. And I hate missing my dog. And I hate missing my mummy. And I hate the people who are coming to fix my apartment cuz they suck fat ass. Take so fucking long. And I hate being so freaking pessimistic.

So, I'm going to write about what I like. I like having my mummy talk to me whenever I call her. I like knowing that my doggy and my hello kitty will always be there for me. I like knowing that I have friends that will always be there for me (tho they might be mean to me sometimes... =P). I like knowing that I'm lucky to be able to be in college here and now. I like my iPod mini. I like NARUTO cuz it makes me happy all the time. I like hugs and kisses. I like it that I'm 16 cuz being 16 is supposedly sweet. I like knowing that all my friends will be waiting for me when I return to Singapore... right..? I like believing that someday I'll meet this fucking guy (make me wait for so long) who will be so good to me. I like knowing that I'm such a fortunate girl with so many people who care for me... Correct..? I like it when I see that I received hugs in my sidebar. I like Sasuke and Kakashi. I like Toomer's Coffeeplace's Blended Mocha. I like Krispy Kreme original glazed donuts. I like Guess. I like believing that someday I'll have abs. I like talking to my friends and family in Singapore thru Msn. I like eating.

Speaking of eating, I've not been controlling my food intake for the past 2 days. I gotta stop that. I think I just gained 7 pounds. Look at me not sleeping early at night and not wanting to get up in the morning. No wonder I'm getting fat. Talked to my aunt today and she told me I'm getting round. Thanks gugu............ Haha... Just kidding. I know I'm getting fat. I'll try my best to slim down a little.

Today

2005-09-25T22:52:00.000-05:00

-- You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby-- =Always be my baby - Mariah Carey=

I tried to upload all the photos in but damn.. Duno what's wrong with blogger man. I have a few pictures up though =)

Went to work today and... I duno what's up with black guys and me man. One of them tried to get my number and shit today.. when I was working. ... ... I'm tired of talking about them black people already.

Got my paycheck today! SO HAPPY! I'm going to work on Wednesdays too starting this week. Yay money money!

Yay school tomorrow... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I love Sasuke and Kakashi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!