水曜日, 3月 30, 2005

Up the hill

Today is not a great day. Started out really really bad. I woke up thinking that I would be playing Sacred for the whole day. But no. Mama decided to get me to go take my driver's test. It was terrible.

Waited for the cashier person to call my number, got her to type in all my info, and then she told me that I had to have my passport, so I had to drive all the way home to get it. On the way home, I forgot to put on my seatbelt (which i tried in vain to put it on when driving, causing people to think that I'm a drunk driver), and didn't manage to properly close the door of my car. Fortunately, I managed to reach home safely, made a fuss about the passport and the i-94 and went back. This is the only good thing about going back to the test center. There was this really cute guy in front of me.. hehe.. And we kinda looked at each other nervously for a while but I didn't get to talk to him at all so..

And here comes the bad luck. I got number 13. And then i got this black woman to be my tester. I'm not going to say anything vulgar about her cuz my dad's going to write a letter to the center to complain. This lady, no, this woman, who doesn't deserve to be called a lady, started hating me the moment she saw me. Gave me the most ^%@^@ face. The cute guy's car was in front of me, but his tester was still checking out his car. My tester told me to go, so I asked her if I should go around his car. She went: "uh.. YEEAAHHH" really loud and sarcastically, really really insulting, really 7^$#&*. She was trying to make me feel stupid. She decided to fail me by that time. Ya. no kidding. I did everything well, except that I didn't look back the whole time I was reversing, and I had right turns a little too wide. Then, we neared a curve. The tester told me I would have to slow down at the curve, but before we reached the curve, she shouted at me:"U GOTTA SLOW DOWN AT THE CURVE!!!!!". Ok. That really got me. WTF?!?! We're not at the curve yet! I know I have to slow down! We drove back to the test center and she told me to go practice and come back another day.

I cried. I don't know why, but no one seems to want to help me on this. Do you like, sometimes can't control your tears? Thats how I felt. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong. But everyone around in the test center seemed to know that I suffered in the car with HER. They asked me if they are letting me take the test again or not, whether she was tough, and stuff like that. I don't know why I just cried. In front of everybody. Somebody has got to help me on this. I want to stop this. I don't want people to look at me and see a fuckin helpless bitch. I want people to see me as a strong "dun-u-dare-touch-me" bitch. No I'm just kidding. I wanna be known as strong and nice. Well, I think I treat people with much respect and so I'm not "un-nice". Someone has got to help me on this crying thing.

I got over it after a few hours of Sacred and by dinner time I could finally spill out the whole story without getting the tears back. My family were very supportive. They felt the the tester did not have the right to raise her voice at me and be so.. My dad said that he'll write a letter to the test center to let them know of this incident. The tester had treated me with no respect at all. She looked at me and saw this small (i look like im 12 cuz i just had a haircut. haha..), chinese kid that seemed fun to bully. Yea. She probably hated Chinese before this and it just sucks and the Lee family is not going to let her get away with this. We are going to stand up for the ASIANS!

I'm so glad to have such a supportive family except that in the beginning my mom felt that the tester sucks but then felt that I'm at fault (that's how I felt when she talked to me about it, making me cry again). I think that if more asians take the initiative and stand up to these whites and blacks, we would not be discriminated against in the future.

I have a wish though after all these.. I really really wish that someone would take away my sadness and anger and put indifference and forgiveness in their places.

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 10:46 午後