逃げた魚は大きい

This week has been the worst week I've ever had in my life.

Monday, kana abandoned. Tuesday, kana abandoned again. Yeah. I realised that both incidents didn't happen in one day. Wednesday I didn't feel any better. Thursday, you guessed it, he couldn't go. Friday, I'll explain.

Sitting in Pre-Cal class on Thursday with monstrous butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, I prepared myself to prepare for the worst. I knew he wouldn't be able to go. I just duno why. So, I decided to ask him if he could go to prom with me. I couldn't do it during class. I couldn't even look at him. Yeah, I've never felt so nervous about asking someone to go out with mi, considering I've never gone to prom before. We talked. I love it when we talk. I always feel happy when we get to talk. I duno why. I don't like him that way. Really. But he's a really good friend. Unfortunately for me, I managed to ask him if he was free on Saturday. He said he's not, and asked me if it was about prom. I said yeah and he said he's sorry but he had to work. He said he could try to get back but it'll be too late so I said its ok. I've spent the whole night thinking about what to say when I get rejected cuz I know I would be somehow. So, being prepared, it wasn't much of an impact. I was sad though. Of course I would be. Who wouldn't?

When I reached home, I thought, he would still talk to me tomorrow right? Yeah. He would. He's a really good friend. Well, I don't know about that. I had to wait till today to find out.

I guessed wrong. =) I didn't talk to him at all. Or he didn't talk to me at all. Usually, when he gets to class he would say hey kristy or something. But today he was late, and class had already started, so he couldn't say hi or anything. We get to watch a movie in Spanish "The Incredibles" in Spanish. HAha.. It was supposed to be funny. He said to himself that he would move to a seat in the back cuz everyone's on the floor. He moved to the very back of the row, and I'm way in front. Is he avoiding me? Well maybe he just needed to take a nap. I didn't see him any during lunch.. Sat at the opposite side of the room again I think. I didn't feel really as sad as I was until 2:30pm, right after school.

I was waiting for Violet outside a classroom (I need a ride) and he walked by. I didn't know so I looked up and saw him. He didn't say anything. No His or hey Kristys or anything. He just walked by as if I wasn't there. Yup. Gotta accept the truth Kristy. He's avoiding me, and ignoring me too. Nonetheless, I felt like I was punched in the face. Waiting to get home was the hardest thing to do. I got all teary-eyed and stuff but I didn't want my mom to know. She was already feeling bad after listening to all the bad stuff that happened to me the past few days. And I think she kinda liked Matthew, not that kind of way. Like she kinda liked it that he is my friend. You know.

When I got home, I couldn't hold it anymore. Rushed to my room turned on the radio, and started bawling. Locked myself in my room wallowing in self-pity. I felt like I have just lost a great friend by asking him to prom. I stopped crying for a few times but then thought:"He'll never ever talk to me again," and cried again. Stupid. I guess it's just a bad week for me.

I HATE PROM. And tomorrow's it. I'm going. Try to make myself enjoy it there. I'll get a few pics but don't be surprised if I send you one with a gloomy face of mine in it.

This week has just been a really bad one. I feel like the ugliest girl in the world. I feel stupid. I feel unloved and unwanted.

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 5:00 午後