逃げた魚は大きい

I feel stupid

I feel stupid, stupid, stupid. Why do I like Kaz? Why? I feel that liking him only makes me feel bad everyday. Why do I have to like him? I don't know. I was really happy when I talked to him yesterday. I'm always happy when I talk to him. But when I don't, I get moody. Like today. I asked him if he wanted to go to Walmart and he said yeah but in the end too many people are going so he couldn go. I feel like a freaking freak. baka.. And he didn't reply me when I apologised to him in msn. I feel like an idiot. Why? My oniichan said he was studying and doesn't reply when he studies. But. No way. He's just trying to comfort me. I hate Kaz. I hate him.

Anyways, I'm getting better at my job now. =D I hope boss will raise my salary soon. I'm glad I have a job. I'm glad I have a boss that talks to me a lot. But, whenever she stands like near me or next to me, I get all nervous and I would get something wrong haha.. A customer told me that I look like a cartoon character haha... It's funny. And I had a British customer Monday and he's so cute haha. Love the accent. Aw so cute! He called in to order and when he came he like took his stuff and began to walk off then he was like ''oh I do have to pay don't I'' haha... He made me blush! Haha..

My oniichan is going to help me highlight my hair tomorrow.. No I mean today since it's like 1:30 a.m. now.. Yeah I'm excited. I'm getting heavier man.. And I don't like it. I eat a lot now.. I have no idea why. And I've developed cravings for sweet stuff like every 5 mins. Gosh.. And I feel like eating sesame chicken everytime I work. I am going to eat that tomorrow cuz Kaz and the others are coming and I'm going to eat with them... I can't wait. I hope that Kaz will tell me what happened today.. Why didn't he reply me??? I don't even dare to talk to him right now. It's better now that I don't talk to him than I talk to him and he doesn't reply and I get all fucked up again. Know what I mean?

Haha.. haha.. stupid.. Hai. Haha.. Work tomorrow again.. I think I'm beginning to feel better when it comes to work. It's good. Yes. I will work hard to get better.

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 1:19 午前