逃げた魚は大きい

Welcome to my bullshit life

Sorry. I feel terrible and I'm going to pour my heart out in this entry. If you do not wish to read bullshit, please click the red button with a cross on it in the top right hand corner.

I told my mummy today that I wana go back to Singapore even though I know it's impossible and things will only get more difficult if I do. Life's like a roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and downs, right? But I have to say that my life right now has been at the down side for a really, really long time and I'm really wondering if it would ever go up again. And for the first time since Jimmy broke up with me to be with Celeste (I'm sorry being angry with you girl it was never your fault.), I feel like dying, just leaving everything behind and sleep forever. The only thing stopping me is my love for my mummy.

I hate my life. It's been so terrible for such a long time now. Is it karma? Maybe it is. My life started to suck after I broke up with Lloyd for no reason. I'm so sorry Lloyd, if you ever manage to read this. I hope you've forgiven me. But I guess you're all happy now with your girl and maybe you'll feel even better cuz I guess I got my punishment. I was so selfish. I thought I was important. But I'm not. I'm not important at all. I'm not important at all. I feel so weak. I feel like giving up. Man I feel like forgetting everything. Just lie down and die you know. Don't have to worry about anything anymore. No hurt, maybe tons of pain the moment when I die but nothing else to hurt me after that. Nothing to make me cry. Nothing to make me sad. Just nothing. No worries. No nothing.

I miss you a lot Jeannie and all the others. I'm so sorry that you have such a weak friend. I thought I was strong. I thought I was everything. I guess I fooled everyone including myself. And now, I'm everybody's fool.

I don't know what else to say. I thought I could pour out everything but I guess not. Just keep crying. Maybe someday it'll all go away.

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 10:16 午後