日曜日, 12月 11, 2005

Taking a break!

Alright! Time to take some time off all that studying! I'm kinda proud that I studied so much. But I can't believe my math test yesterday man!!! I practiced soooooooooooooooooo much but I believe I did pretty badly in it. My dad said it's prolly cuz I didn get enough sleep. I think he's quite correct. I was sooooooooooooooooooo worried about English but I think I read my information so much that I memorized it and wrote everything down in that stupid essay. Hope to get nothing less than a B in that class..

Anyways, I'm going to study Chemistry later! I'm currently getting a C in that class. Ops! BUT it's difficult to do good in a class with a teacher that's so... I'm not going to say anything cuz I'm not really smart either. But I'd rather have a GTA teach me than him. He made me lose interest in chemistry.

I'm coming back to Singapore in.. 3 days! I am so excited! Actually I'm not really that excited cuz I've gotta go to China first.. And there's so much to do in Singapore with my visa stuff.. I really hope to have time to hang out with my friends...

I think that I'm such a lucky girl. I've really gotta study hard next semester. I've been playing around this one haha.. Can't help it! It's so fun hanging out with friends in college! I'm so glad to know them too! I've learnt so much more this semester than the previous one (I guess about life, not school subjects). And I've met a few people that are my age that are already engaged!!! WOW.. .. ... ....

Anyways, I like this song so much (the one you're listening to right now if you didn click stop on that window media player plugin)! I think it's soooooooooo true! I'll put the lyrics here so you can read.

Love can be a many splendored thing,
Can't deny the joy it brings,
Dozen roses, diamond rings,
Dreams for sale and fairy tales,
It'll make you hear a symphony,
And you just want the world to see,
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool you every time...

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

Now I was once a fool it's true,
I played the game by all the rules,
But now my world's a deeper blue,
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too,
I swore I'd never love again,
I swore my heart would never mend,
Said love wasn't worth the pain,
But then I hear it call my name...

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

Everytime I turn around,
I think I've got it all figured out,
My heart keeps fallin', and I keep on ballin'
Over, and over again.
Guess that story always ends the same,
Me standing in the pouring rain,
seems no matter what I do,
It tears my heart in two.

The trouble with love is,
It can tear you up inside,
Make your heart believe a lie,
It's stronger than your pride,
The trouble with love is,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
And you can't refuse the call,
See you got no say at all.

It's from Love Actually. I heard it during credits and like it alot so I went to find out what song it is haha.

Yup, that's the trouble with love. I've got no say at all. But I guess there's a reason why I can't let go. No there's not a reason. There are lots lots lots of reasons. Everytime I see him I wana give him a hug and a kiss. Would give anything to make him the happiest guy in the world. But sometimes I'm just so stubborn. And I'll kinda get annoying. And then I'll get angry when people get annoyed with me. And I'll continue to act angry. And I'll not apologise cuz I'm so stubborn. And in the end I'll not know what to do. With Kiska, she forgives me the next morning she sees me. But I duno.. Haha.. Why am I so stubborn like a donkey!!! Stupid me!

Anyways, it's time to go study AGAIN~... .......

日曜日, 12月 04, 2005

what am i doing?

I have no idea what I'm doing. It used to be me willing to give everything to make my mummy happy. Now there's someone else. I'm willing to give everything to make him happy too. As long as he's happy, I'm glad. I'd do anything, really anything for him to be happy. What is wrong with me? Guys ask me out here and there but I dont care. I dont want any attention from anyone except my mummy and him. It's already difficult enough with my mum alone.. Why bring in another? I really wish.. I dont know. I wish that.. I want to be happy!!!!! Why is it so fucking difficult? What did I do wrong? I'm so selfish. I shouldn't want to be happy. I wana make my mummy happy. If she's happy, I'm happy. I wana make him happy. It's so difficult. I hate crying so much. And I didnt cry. I followed my rules.. Just the other day. I couldn hold it in but I didn really cry, just a teardrop or 2. But now whenever I think of it, it seems like we're never gona be together. And It's difficult to hold it in.

I think love is really painful.