月曜日, 1月 16, 2006

Happy Birthday ENA!

Today's my little bro's 12th birthday. Happy Birthday little boy..

12 years old. Primary six. First boyfriend. Whaha... It's that ahole who changed me man. That guy who made me start ''falling in love''. Before him, I didn't think about love at all. Never thought about having boyfriends. Never thought about anything except.. Damn gotta go to school.. Get bullied.. Go home, eat.. Sleep.. except I didn't use 'damn' at that time. I didn't know any vulgar language.

I'm 17 now. Kinda feeling nostalgic. I wana go back to when I was like 13 years old. Oh yea.. 2001 to 2003, Best years ever, most changes too I guess haha... Hai.. Now that I'm away from Singapore for so long, everything changed so much. People, places, prices, food kinda changed a bit too. And of cuz, I changed too. Gained so much weight.

I still remember when I first came to USA. I spoke little or no English. Didn't really talk much at all in high school. I couldn't speak English man.. I could only write English so I was really happy when my friends wrote letters to me in school. I didn't have much to say to those people anyways. In my whole high school, there were only 2 asians. It sucked a lot.

Anyways, sometimes I regret very much for coming to the USA. But then again, I'm glad I got here. I gained a lot by coming here. Lots of opportunities and stuff like that I guess.. Met different kinds of friends.. Experienced lots of different stuff too. Oh ya and of cuz, weight too.. I really wonder how life would be like if I stayed in Sg.

Life's really difficult sometimes. I duno if I would have been able to survive if my mommy wasn't there for me for so many times. I'm kinda worried about the future too. I duno if I can survive on my own with mommy all the way on the other side of the globe. I guess for right now, life's really not on my side. I wake up everyday hoping to make the most out of each day but sometimes.. I duno.. It's just difficult. Just these feelings. I think life would be better and easier for me if I don't have them.

For now, I only know of 2 situations that I will be truly happy in. Number 1 is whenever my family's (including my baby girl Kiska) around me and we're eating a meal or something with all of us talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Number 2... is private.

I really can't wait for Chinese New Year's Day.

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 12:32 午後