金曜日, 3月 24, 2006

So very flawed

Nobody's perfect. And the worst people around are those who think that they are perfect. Or maybe not, maybe the worst are those who noe their flaws but dont try to get rid of them. And I guess I'm one of those people. I know my biggest flaw. I always get really pissed easily and then get over it pretty quick too.. (like Kiska.. angry at night n come lick me in the morning). I used to not feel that that's wrong cuz.. i duno.. people just didn let me know. I guess my friends used to just ignore my angry face till I get over it cuz I always do that. And my mommy is forever patient. And I guess my whole family just got used to it. I think it's just.. it's in me for too long and its difficult to change.

But now I learned about that terrible flaw in me cuz someone here let me know about it. I think it's just been there for too long. I try to stop it sometimes but it's so difficult. Is it so deeply rooted in me that I can't get rid of it anymore? This person makes me feel so guilty everytime that happens. I try hard to stop myself from doing that but it keeps coming back. I'm really scared that one day this person will give up on me. Or maybe this person already did. I really dont want that to happen but I duno. What's wrong with me? I can blame it on the way I was brought up, my environment, friends, whatever but it's not use to blame it on other people cuz it is me. I'm the problem. I really wish that I can stop that from happening again.

Life is so difficult with all that shit piling up on me but I guess I cant do anything except try to stand strong. I guess I really should be happy with what I already have. My family's still here with me, I've got an awesome friend who taught me so much about life.. I hope that I still have that friend.. I feel so terrible for being such a terrible friend to this person. Taught me so much but I take everything for granted. I know that I will really cherish this friend a lot but then that terrible flaw will come back and haunt me again. And I guess it kinda just makes this person really pissed as well. I really hope that this person wun give up on me. I want to apologise but I duno if it'll help. What's the use of apologising if it's going to happen again? i really duno what to do

Hebe jOtTeD dOwN heR tOtS aT 12:49 午後