my mom is the awesomest mom in the world
I hung out with my mommy today and she is just awesome. I told her everything that had happened, school, work, my boss, and my friend. I told her what happened yesterday that really hurt me a lot and that I think that this friend of mine has already given up on me. She told me that this is what happens when someone wants to teach you and you disappoint that person. She said that this friend won really give up on me if he/she really cares and this person will talk to me, at least when i change. I trust her a lot so i guess I shouldn feel so sad anymore.
My mom talked to me about my boss too. I told her about him having another woman work as hostess letting her do more than i do. She told me that he probably wants me to learn everything slowly cuz I've only been working for a few months and I still have like 4 years to go. She also told me about my dad and his boss and how my dad acted according to my mommy's advice and everything turned better. I guess I should stop thinking that my boss sucks but he just thinks differently.
My mommy also told me that I should try my best to get rid of that flaw that I have. She said she knows it's difficult but I can do it. I love my mom so much. She is so understanding and patient and just awesome.
Oh Ima tell everyone about a really funny thing that happened yesterday before we came back to Mobile. We went to eat at a restaurant but before that, my bro has to drive on a road that merges to the left. My bro was on the right lane so he accelerated to overtake a stupid truck. When we were driving in front of that truck, the driver turned on his high beam and i was like.. wat the heck. It's not like my bro's driving slow or anything, the stupid truck's not even close to us man haha.. When we were turning into the restaurant, he went into the turning lane beside us and was talking to us. I didn really notice it actually he was shouting haha. I was really tired so I didn really hear him.. all I saw was that guy with his body halfway out his window and it looked like he was humping the door when he was shouting at us. I didn have my window open so I didn hear a thing he said haha but its amazing cuz my bro heard him haha. My bro showed him the finger and he showed us his too haha and he went straight... of cuz it was illegal cuz he was in the turning lane. What a stupid man haha... It's really funny. I duno what happened to make him so pissed but I kinda pity him. He just made a fool of himself in front of asians and a few white people haha..
I really hope that my friend will talk to me again soon.
So very flawed
Nobody's perfect. And the worst people around are those who think that they are perfect. Or maybe not, maybe the worst are those who noe their flaws but dont try to get rid of them. And I guess I'm one of those people. I know my biggest flaw. I always get really pissed easily and then get over it pretty quick too.. (like Kiska.. angry at night n come lick me in the morning). I used to not feel that that's wrong cuz.. i duno.. people just didn let me know. I guess my friends used to just ignore my angry face till I get over it cuz I always do that. And my mommy is forever patient. And I guess my whole family just got used to it. I think it's just.. it's in me for too long and its difficult to change.
But now I learned about that terrible flaw in me cuz someone here let me know about it. I think it's just been there for too long. I try to stop it sometimes but it's so difficult. Is it so deeply rooted in me that I can't get rid of it anymore? This person makes me feel so guilty everytime that happens. I try hard to stop myself from doing that but it keeps coming back. I'm really scared that one day this person will give up on me. Or maybe this person already did. I really dont want that to happen but I duno. What's wrong with me? I can blame it on the way I was brought up, my environment, friends, whatever but it's not use to blame it on other people cuz it is me. I'm the problem. I really wish that I can stop that from happening again.
Life is so difficult with all that shit piling up on me but I guess I cant do anything except try to stand strong. I guess I really should be happy with what I already have. My family's still here with me, I've got an awesome friend who taught me so much about life.. I hope that I still have that friend.. I feel so terrible for being such a terrible friend to this person. Taught me so much but I take everything for granted. I know that I will really cherish this friend a lot but then that terrible flaw will come back and haunt me again. And I guess it kinda just makes this person really pissed as well. I really hope that this person wun give up on me. I want to apologise but I duno if it'll help. What's the use of apologising if it's going to happen again? i really duno what to do
what was i thinking?
i duno.. haha.. man.... CHANTAL!!!!! Where is my stuff!?!?!?!?! it's gon be TWO months late!!! did u forget about me???? Stupid Singapore always trying to make Singaporeans all forgetful n stuff by giving them so much pressure in school. My pens are runnning out of ink leh... N S.H.E's songs are rotting le.. please please give them to dannis asap i've been waiting for that package for a long long long long time.... please please.... hehe..
im thinkin of dying my hair dark purple haha.. kinda like black but a lil purplish u noe.. It's time to dye my hair again cuz the black's growing out... n it kinda looks ugly.. i wonder if there's purple hair dye in Sg cuz there's definitely none here!
Anyways.. I've decided not to date anyone at the moment. I should not accept every guy that asks me out i guess.. cannot always be so nice rite.. ppl will take advantage hehe.. I really have a lot more to do than date someone u noe. dating ppl are kinda a waste of time.. especially when im only 17. not like ive gotta get married soon or anything.. i haven found anyone that really interests me that much to make me wana be his girlfriend so i guess i'll just wait cuz i noe fate wun be so mean as to not have someone good come by me someday. im in no hurry!
Have a test tomorrow n thursday.. then SPRING BREAK finally!!! hahaa... I cannot wait to see Kiska.. She's gon come live with me when i come bac from spring break hehe..
something just happened and i m so pissed.
Edison chen is SO HOT
Just went to Edison's blog. Thanks Yuen for givin me that webbie.. Wana check it out? Look under "little linkies here and there". He doesn have many pictures of himself in there.. What a waste haha i hope he puts more pics of himself in there like Kaela. He's too good-looking! Gotta take more pics! His English usage is kinda weird too.. I had to read slow. Maybe I'm just stupid haha.. But.. I duno.. I love Edison. I love Johnny Depp the most though. He's the coolest. Edison is second hehe.. I saw Johnny Depp on a movie trailer while I was at the theatres... Liberator or something..? I'm not sure but I wana watch that movie. I cannot wait for Pirates of the Caribbean 2 to start showing man.. They said somewhere that it will be released Summer 2006.. So.. Soon! I hope.
Lots of stuff happened today at work. I had to wait for my friend to take me home cuz my bro was in Atlanta.. So I talked to the waiters/waitresses while they were eating. I realized that the guy working with me as host is earning TWICE as much as I earn (i do so much more than he does too). I was kinda pissed man. My colleagues told me that he used to work as waiter and boss asked him to work as host but he did not want to cuz of the low pay. Boss then struck a deal saying that he'll pay him a waiter's pay if he works as host so he took it. Man.. I want $$.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!! Maybe I should wait till that guy leaves so I'll be the only host or hostess and tell boss I wana quit cuz so lil $$$ haha and ask for a pay raise haha... I duno.. I dun really wana lose my job too. Boss told me he'll eventually raise my pay. I just wonder when, or if he'll ever do it. And the hostess before this guy earned MORE than the waiters/waitresses do man!!!! What the hell man. And after talking to my colleagues today, I realized what an ass my boss actually is. And here I was thinking that he's a pretty cool boss. I duno.. He's.. I guess most people are like that. When u dun really know them u may think that they are pretty cool and when u get to know how they really are, they suck.
Anyways, a guy from work's going to ask me out soon. My waitress friend told me that haha.. She asked if I have a boyfriend and stuff. I guess I've been pretty close to this guy.. We talk a lot during work and one of the new waiters thought we were a couple haha.. He's really nice and stuff and I guess if I give him a chance he'll treat me really well haha (he's a lot better than the other guy who asked me out to lunch before).. Cuz today I was just kidding when I asked "u wana chip in for my car?" and he's like "ok". Haha.. I duno.. I just told the waitress that I guess we could go out as friends... I duno man... Hai.. Duno if I should get into a relationship right now. I'm going to be busy soon with Kiska here and stuff.. Plus I gotta work more to earn $$ to get a car.. Plus studying.. Plus I wana try to find a piano teacher here.. Even if I'm not busy, I duno if it'll be fair for him cuz.. I'm kinda... ... (better not say anything), and they say that if a woman has a pet with her, she'll love her pet more than her man haha... I dun wana be an ass and.. i duno.. I keep asking to have that someone.. This one's right in front of me.. but I duno if he's the right one.
I guess I shouldn have said that nothing bad has happened to me cuz they start happening after people do that. I kinda feel terrible. Nothing good has happened to me. I hope they start happening soon cuz so many things happened that I cant really tell the world, or at least the people that visit this webbie.
Also, I remember telling myself to start making people happy or something like that but I don't think I'm doing it right. I really duno what to do. I feel so terrible. I hurt everyone who became closer to me. I duno why. That's why I dont dare to really be close friends with people now. I dun wana hurt people, but I hurt those that are the closest and care the most for me. I really wish that would stop. Maybe I should be a hermit.
想哭但找不到理由。 Actually I have lots of reasons to haha.. Just.. I'm so tired of crying man. It's useless and a waste of time.
Things used to go so well for me. What happened? Everything was going my way till I came to this USA. I got angry when things started to go differently. Then things began to go haywire. And I got angrier. Now I'm angry. All the time. I'm sad and angry. It's not like I'm missing anything. Well actually I am. I miss my family so much. I miss my friends so much.
I want someone really close to me to care about me and appreciate me and love me and I want him to show it. I want him to comfort me when I'm sad and be there for me always. Sounds simple but I've never had a boyfriend like that. The best one... I guess he's like that until I broke up with him... I guess that's why no more no more. Threw the opportunity away. Such a waste. Regret a lot but it's gone.. Never to come back.
Hai... Really hope to get another chance to find a guy like him again.
I'm so spoilT!
It's time for me to write a lil something here again.
I guess I've been doing pretty well these few days. Nothing really bad has happened to me.
I have decided to give up on the Civic SI. It's too far away. My parents are not rich, neither am I. I've been dreaming about it for quite a while. But when I turn around and look at reality, it's just difficult.
I'm really spoilt. Always needing to get whatever I want. And getting all pissed when I dun get it. Coming here to the USA taught me a lot I guess. There are quite a number of things that I want and I couldn't get. Some I gave up cuz it's just not possible, well I'm just lazy. Others I'm still waiting. Yea coming here taught me to be more patient. I'm not really patient, but I'm a lot more patient than before.
I'm still really spoilt though. My mommy treats me like a princess. My daddy too. N Kiska is spoilt like me too so we kinda give way to each other.
Hehe.. She's so tired. Anyways, I'm spoilt at work too. I want menu food I get menu food. I want to laze around I laze around. I wan sushi I get sushi haha.. Yup found that out today. Sushiman said he'll gimme whatever I want hehe... N work's just easy for me. Sometimes I forget stuff and boss gets a lil impatient but he's nice. Giving me infinite chances. I broke glasses, forgot egg rolls, ate while working, stood in front cuz I felt lazy.. Did everything but he still didn fire me haha.. I should say I'm not a very good employee hehe.. I'm trying my best to improve tho and boss is willing to give me time. He keeps hinting to me that he'll teach me more stuff so I can earn more $$. I LOVE $$. Hehe..
Haiya.. I want $$ $$ $$$$$!!! I've been such a bad girl!! I kinda lost patience wit my mommy just now ai!! Why!! I always feel really guilty when I do that. So stupid man!!! Stupid me!!
I wonder how everyone's doing in Sg.. I miss everyone a lot. N Chantal!! My stuff is going to be 1 month late!! What happened to them?!?!?! haha.. I really hope to get it soon. I miss talking to everyone. Next time I return, we can go to pubs and stuff cuz I'll finally be old enough. But I think I'll prefer to go eat good food. Hai.. No use talkin bout it. I duno when I'll ever get the chance to visit Sg again. Problems wit $$$$ again! I really hope boss will raise my pay...!!
