I broke three of my rules today. Oh no. Yesterday. Hai.. And I received my punishment. I played football (not soccer) today and the ball hit my earring and it ripped my ear uh.. I duno what it's called but it's the harder part.. uh.. the part where you put pressure on when things get too noisy around you and you wana reduce the volme.. haha.. anyway.. It hurt and it bled a lot. I guess this is the punishment I get for breaking not one, not two, but three (maybe four) of my own rules. I cannot believe it. Well uh.. I can cuz I did it. I duno. I just couldn't control myself I guess. I duno what to do with that ear man. I'm kinda worried. And I think that punishment wasn't enough cuz I have lots of pimples popping out all over my face.
Then again, I did enforce some of my rules today. One of it is the ''No crying'' one. That thing hurt so much but I didn't cry. =) But. I've got to stop this. I cannot break my own rules anymore. To prevent myself from breaking my own rules, I'm going to skip 3 meals everytime I break one rule.
I've got to go sleep
opps
Heavy drinking may harm male hormones, sperm
By Amy Norton
Thu Oct 27, 1:18 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Problem drinking may dampen both a man's sex life and his chances of having children, according to a new study.
Researchers in India found that men being treated for alcoholism had lower testosterone levels and more sperm abnormalities than non-drinkers did. They also had a far higher rate of erectile dysfunction (ED) - 71 percent, versus 7 percent of abstainers.
Some past studies have suggested that heavy drinking can take a toll on men's reproductive health. One recent study found that couples had a higher miscarriage risk if the man had consumed 10 or more drinks a week around the time of conception.
Also, it's known that alcoholic men can develop signs of low testosterone, including shrunken testicles and enlarged breasts.
The new findings add to evidence that heavy drinking, at least among alcoholics, may harm both men's sex lives and their fertility, according to the study authors, led by Dr. K. R. Muthusami of Kovai Medical Center and Hospital in Coimbatore, India.
"Men are advised to refrain from chronic alcohol consumption if they want to procreate and lead a normal sex life," the researchers conclude in the medical journal Fertility & Sterility.
On the other hand, it's unlikely that light drinking would have any significant effect on men's fertility, Muthusami told Reuters Health.
The study included 66 non-smoking men who had sought treatment for alcoholism, along with 30 non-smokers who had never consumed alcohol. On average, alcoholic men had a significantly lower sperm count, but more abnormal sperm, as well as lower testosterone levels and changes in other reproductive hormones.
According to the researchers, these findings likely reflect direct damage to the testicles caused by excessive alcohol. Alcohol, Muthusami said, enters the testicles directly and can both cut testosterone production and harm the quality of semen.
But the potential harm is not limited to men. Other studies, the researcher noted, have found heavy drinking to impair women's reproductive health as well.
It is time to do something
I realized today that I've been wasting my time. I've been wasting days going depressed and getting angry and other stuff like that. It is time I do something about myself. I've forgotten about how I was. I left all my beliefs and my will to meet my expectations back home when I started living on my own (or wit my brother). I have to say that it is abit late cuz there are some things that I have done against what I believed and I cannot go back. However, I'll make the best of what I have now and stop wasting time.
I've made a list for myself so I won't forget. Of cuz, some of those ''rules'' are not really meant to be shared wit everyone so I will list a few that can be. Here goes:
-Spend at most 1 day each week cleaning the house.
I spent too much time trying to keep my house clean before and hmm.. with my brother in the house, it'll never be clean so.. gotta stop wasting my time.
-No more skipping classes.
I skipped a few classes last week cuz I wanted to hang out/play computer games. It was terrible. I regretted that terribly. I went to the library to borrow a book to read for a quiz today. Spent so much time trying to find it but couldn't cuz it was missing and the other version of the book wasn't there either. I was really frustrated and thought about skipping class tomorrow since I'll only be taking the quiz. No. I cannot do that. But man, today's the only day that I went through so much trouble for school and this happened. I was furious, which leads to my next ''rule''.
-Manage my anger (think positive so I wun get all fucked up all the time)
I think what happened is good cuz I was responsible enough to go look for that stupid book.
-No more thinking about having a boyfriend
It's just a waste of time.
-Treat others like how you want people to treat you
This one has been my belief for a long time. I just didn emphasize on it enough in my life.
-No crying.
It's just a waste of time and crying makes me feel weak.
-Spend at least 1 hour everyday to read (online news, BusinessWeek, reading assignments from English..)
Improvement in Number 1. Like my mummy said, no improvement = deterioration.
There are some others but I dun wana continue boring my readers haha..
I need to study abroad. My friend today asked me if I'm going to Japan next year.. I'm really not sure.. I want to but I dont wana waste my time. I'll have to waste 1 semester if I go there cuz the terms there are different from here and I don't wana still be in college till I'm like 25. Haha.. I'm exaggerating. =D
Anyways, when's Jay Chou's album coming out?? Please send me his songs if you have them..!! Thank you!! And uh... S.H.E.. Where are they now..? Anyone knows??
Ohoh.. I watched Naruto episode 101 a few days ago. It's sooooooooo funny!!! It's the episode where they tried to get Kakashi to take off his mask to see his real face. Haha.. I liked that episode A LOT! Haha.. I wonder how Kakashi's real face looks like. Will I see it in future episodes??? Anyone?
Some people are just soooooo miserable.
Man... Something interesting happened at work today.
When I got to work today (at 4:40p.m.), there was already tons of people eating the buffet. It's kinda weird cuz it's only 4:40. People eat that early? Anyways, everything was going well, I was doing my usual sidejobs and saying hi to everyone.. I was going to ask boss if I could eat dinner when I finished my sidejobs but a Meixican woman and her grandchild went to the counter to pay so I was like ok... I'll wait. I was waiting and was like, man.. she's taking a long time and I'm getting hungry so I went to take a look at what's happening. Turns out one of the waitresses/waiters wrote on the check that she drank a soft drink when it was her grandchild who got the soft drink. Boss was sooooo patient trying to explain to her saying it's the same price and all that shit. She got pissed. Haha..... Boss kept trying to explain but she didn't wana listen at all. Boss even said ''Look, I'm trying to explain to you but you're not listening. '' And she was like. Why did they put it on my check instead of my grandson's and shit like that. She took out some money and put it on the counter and walked out. By that time, boss was like ''what's the f- difference? you're paying anyway!'' He didn't really say the 'f-' but I heard him stop himself at the last minute haha..
Well.. I thought that would be the end of stupid shows by weird Mexican women but no. Her grandson came back and told boss that his grandma wants change for her money. Boss was like ok and got the change and SHE came back again! Haha.... She said ''Don't you ask me what's the fucking difference''. Note that she used the f-word first. And they started quarreling again and man it was LOUD. Boss was so angry he was about to hit her and she shouted ''you dare to hit me? come on and hit me!'' Everyone was looking at them and I'm the only one trying to stifle a laugh. That woman was making a freaking fool of herself man. Haha.. The f-word started to fly around. Then she said ''my grandson's over here how dare you use f-word you motherfucker'' And I was like.. hmm.. :S Haha.. Man I was trying so hard not to laugh cuz damn my boss was angry. After a while he invited her to continue outside in order to not disturb the other customers. I don't know what happened outside but boss was still pretty angry when he came back. Man. Some people are so miserable. Stuff worse than this happened to me and my family at other restaurants and we always go ''oh well''. Haha.. Man.. That woman. She's weird. I guess she likes to make people miserable along wit her. I don't think shouting and quarreling like that makes her happy, it certainly doesn't make anyone in the restaurant happy. She's weird. And I had to wait till 8:40 to eat my dinner. Damn that bitch... Haha.
Anyways, haha... The weather's cooling down. =D Lowest 7 degrees highest 17... Hehe... I'm just saying this to make my friends in Singapore jealous haha.. Just kidding. Man. If the temperature in Singapore is like that, Singapore would be the coolest place to live in. Well.. Singapore is really the coolest place to live in. Just, it would be cooler if the temperature is like autumn all year.
I CANNOT wait to go back to Singapore this Dec. I wana get lot's of food. I suddenly remembered MAN TOU today while working. The fried ones, SO GOOD. Ahh.. I can't wait to eat when I return to Singapore.
I miss SINGAPORE!!!!
Went to Atlanta yesterday.. And got a haircut. Man.. I wanted to grow out my hair and I told my hairdresser that.. HAha... I guess... I just have to wait. I am NOT going to cut my hair again for 6 months. Hmm.. maybe I could get hair extensions when I return to Sg... But that'll be a waste of time!! I've only got like 11 days? I've gotta spend all that time wit my family and friendS! Damn.................. Why do I have to go get a haircut?!?! Haha... Well.. I guess it's all good. HAha..
So... I spent Thursday watching NAruto... I think I'm going to play Rise of Nations after this. That game is SO fun! Man.. I wish I could stay longer in Singapore. 11 days. What is that man?? I need at least a month. Even a month's not enough. Remember last summer? I stayed for about 2 months I think and IT STILL WASNT ENOUGH!!! So much to do!! Gotta shop, gotta eat, gotta catch up wit friends, gotta catch up wit cuzzins. Don't even have time to sleep!!! MAN. I think I'm not going to sleep at all when I return to Singapore. I'll just sleep more when I get to China. Damn. I miss everyone so much. I wonder how TM is now. I wonder how Orchard Road is now. I wonder how everyone is now! I wonder if everyone misses me too.. Hehe.
Anyways, I think I'm fine as long as I don't spend a whole day at home. I duno. Everything's so different now. Without my parents here wit me, I've gotten so much lazier. I do study and stuff.. But.. I duno. Oh ya, that reminds me, I have math to do. And the way I eat, man it has changed a lot. I'm not eating enough veggies an fruits. Always eating meat or ramen noodles. And I'm not controlling the amount of food I eat too.. HAha. MAN. Ima go play games now.
iono how i'm supposed to feel
I've been so stupid. I'm taking so many things for granted everyday.
I have my parents. The two people that love me the most in this world. I miss them so much.
Why am I so weak? I cry even more than Sakura does. For no reason too. I think something's wrong with me. I get angry for no reason. And after I get angry, I become sad. And then I cry. After that, I'll stare blankly into space. What's wrong with me. And this doesn't happen just once or twice a month like pms or something. It's nearly... everyday. Days that I stay at home and lock myself in my room. What's wrong with me?
I have such a great family. I have great friends. I even have a cuzzin that keeps a constant lookout for me all the way at the other side of the world. I have everything I need. I have more than everything I need.
Im hungry.
Naruto..!!
True true. I remember being sooooooo happy before I started having boyfriends..
Anyways, gotta work today. I DO NOT like working. It is so super boring. And I'm always hungry when I'm working cuz the food there's pretty good and I can eat anytime I want to as long as I keep an eye on the entrance of the restaurant. This means... I'm getting fatter. I think I'll bring an issue of BusinessWeek to work later so I can read when I'm bored. Hehe.. As long as I don't get carried away, (which I will not be cuz it's BusinessWeek man) I'm ok.
I took a picture of the Naruto poster I bought. And A few pictures of Kiska. Please go take a look(click on link in sidebar)!
I think I spend too much time thinking about useless stuff. I've gotta stop wasting my time and make the best out of life. I should spend that time thinking about my future and stuff like that. I'm getting better at managing my time now.. I think. I write down on a piece of paper everything that I need to do for that day and try my best to accomplish it. I also wrote down all important dates and stuff. Gotta start studying early for my tests.
Anyways, Naruto is soooooooooooooooo good. I love that anime sooooo much! Here are a few of my thoughts about the characters:
Kakashi is the coolest of them all.
Naruto's pretty cute and he's sooooo funny.
Sasuke's the best looking.
Gaara is scary.
Orochimaru makes me sick.
Konohamaru is kinda annoying.
Hinata's the coolest of all the girls.
Sakura cries a lot.
Shikamaru's kinda like me except he's very much smarter.
I like how the Second Hokage looks.
Kiba and Akamaru is so cute together.
Gai and Rock Lee makes me laugh.
I'm hungry.
Yuen Yuen's the best cuzzin anyone can have.
I miss Singapore sooooooooooo much.
i am bored..
Today's Wednesday. I don't feel like doing anything but I gotta go work later.. I'm confused.. I duno what to do... I feel like hanging out with Brian but I.. dun feel like walking and I have to work later.. I have a little homework to catch up on too. I'm going to work hard to get good grades. I've already disappointed her by failing my math test. HAha.. it's kinda funny. I didn't expect myself to do so badly. I guess I'm not very smart haha.. I'm confused.. I duno which study abroad I should go to.. I told all my Japanese friends that I'll be going to the Japanese one.. But I wana go to Europe too..
MAN IM BORED. I feel like going to six flags. Rollercoasters are fun.
MAN IM BORED. I wana have a boyfriend so I can spend all my time with him and not feel bored. Haha.. That sounds like Kiska. I spent all my time on her when I was in high school. Too bad she's not here now. I MISS HER SO MUCH. That face she gives me when I wake her up to play with her haha... The scratches she always gives me. That stinky mouth. That soft fur.. I MISS HER SO MUCH. Man, if I ever have another boyfriend, I'm going to treasure him sooooooooooo much. I learnt from all those mistakes man. I'll give up everything for him. I'll try my best to understand him and try my best to be a good girlfriend.
I need a haircut. It's been quite a while since my last one. Maybe I'll get it when I go to Atlanta. Gotta redye my hair too... It's growing out and becoming ugly.
I know what I can do now! I'll go play worms!
My mummy's here today!! And I'm so happy! Kiska is sleeping on my bed now!! And I'm so happy! I love it whenever my parents are around. Why? Cuz I love them SOOOOOOOOOOO much! They are the bestest people in the world. Kiska got me a little pissed today cuz she kept eating oily stuff on my bed on the floor in my room. But she's alright. I love her SOOOOOOOO much too. She makes me happy. Looking at her sleep makes me feel so relaxed.
My Kensington mouse that I bought online just ran out of power today. It's a 72214 and so it's battery cover is so freakin hard to remove. I've been on it for a while already. My thumbs are starting to hurt a bit so I'm taking a break right now.
My house's all messy again haha.. Gotta clean everything up tomorrow and do some homework. It's time to work hard. No more messing around.
I wan a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooooooooooooooooo tired!!!! I think I have a problem man. On weekends, even though I'm so tired, I'm never able to sleep more than 8 hours. Like, sometimes, I sleep at 3 a.m., and I'll wake up at 11 a.m. (last Sat..)! And I'll not be able to go back to sleep.. I think it's my brain.
I have soooooooooooo much to do too!! Mummy's coming here this Saturday! I CANNOT WAIT!!! I miss her soooooooooooo much! I'm going to try to cook for her. I cleaned the bathroom yesterday and will clean the rest of the house by Friday. I have soooooooooo much homework too so... aye...... Gotta finish them first. The lights and stuff are not fixed yet. The electrical guy came by and took a look and told me he'll get me in touch with a professional electrician. :S Haha.. But he's really nice and he's doggy is sooooo cute! I miss Kiska! She's coming this Sat too!!! Can't wait to hug her!! And the filter at my place, I was told that I have to change it myself! 8O It's soooooo dirty! With cig butts and stuff in there! I was thinkin of getting my bro to do it but... Hm. Haha.. It's always me who cleans the house!! Hai. I can't change my brother. Let's wish his future wife good luck. Haha.. I'm so mean to my brother. My brother's a nice guy. So I should stop haha.. He's might be untidy, but he's nice. He's not a bad brother too. Yup yup.
Sooooo hungry!! I went to Atlanta on Sunday and spent more than $100.. I spent $500 last month. Terrible huh. I gotta stop spending and start saving. I want my mummy to be here for my graduation in 4 years. Gotta save up for her plane ticket.
I cannot wait to go back to Singapore!!!!!!!! I'm going to get soooooooo many clothes and jewellery and all that stuff!! I'm going to have to save up to spend money in Singapore. Gotta save!!!!!!! I'm goin to get soooooooooooo many Naruto stuff too!!! And I want a hug from EVERYONE when I get back to Singapore. The most important few are: Jeannie, Yuen, Chantal, Candy, Xinzi, Emily, Valerie, Sherlyn, Ivy, Jason, Jun jie, ... ... And I wana eat when I get back! I wan nasi lemak, laksa, char kway teow, mua chee, that chicken rice from that far away place, uh.. and everything else I see. OH......... BAKWA........................................... That thing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goooooood. Cant wait cant wait! I guess I gotta try to slim down so I can eat that much in Singapore. And I'm going to buy lots of twisties so I can eat them here.
I wan a hug!!!!!!!! Cant wait till Kiska comes so I can hug her!!
Welcome to my bullshit life
Sorry. I feel terrible and I'm going to pour my heart out in this entry. If you do not wish to read bullshit, please click the red button with a cross on it in the top right hand corner.
I told my mummy today that I wana go back to Singapore even though I know it's impossible and things will only get more difficult if I do. Life's like a roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and downs, right? But I have to say that my life right now has been at the down side for a really, really long time and I'm really wondering if it would ever go up again. And for the first time since Jimmy broke up with me to be with Celeste (I'm sorry being angry with you girl it was never your fault.), I feel like dying, just leaving everything behind and sleep forever. The only thing stopping me is my love for my mummy.
I hate my life. It's been so terrible for such a long time now. Is it karma? Maybe it is. My life started to suck after I broke up with Lloyd for no reason. I'm so sorry Lloyd, if you ever manage to read this. I hope you've forgiven me. But I guess you're all happy now with your girl and maybe you'll feel even better cuz I guess I got my punishment. I was so selfish. I thought I was important. But I'm not. I'm not important at all. I'm not important at all. I feel so weak. I feel like giving up. Man I feel like forgetting everything. Just lie down and die you know. Don't have to worry about anything anymore. No hurt, maybe tons of pain the moment when I die but nothing else to hurt me after that. Nothing to make me cry. Nothing to make me sad. Just nothing. No worries. No nothing.
I miss you a lot Jeannie and all the others. I'm so sorry that you have such a weak friend. I thought I was strong. I thought I was everything. I guess I fooled everyone including myself. And now, I'm everybody's fool.
I don't know what else to say. I thought I could pour out everything but I guess not. Just keep crying. Maybe someday it'll all go away.
Of all the people I've loved in this world, only my mummy has never, ever let me down. She's never made me angry or sad. She's always there for me. She cheers me up whenever I'm down. She cheers me up even when she doesn't know that I was sad. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to survive if she leaves America and returns to Singapore. My mummy is the most unselfish person I've ever known. She sacrificed everything for me. I've let her down so many times but she never gave up on me. She kept sacrificing. She kept supporting me. My mummy is my number 1. Nobody else can beat that. No fucking guy can take her place. No little doggy can take her place. I love my mummy so much. I'm going to work hard for her. I'm not going to cry no more. I'm going to make her proud. I love you so much mummy. I'll do anything and everything to protect you and make you happy.
