I am so angry
I am so angry I am so angry. Why am I so angry? I don't know. I don't want to be angry. But to not be angry, I should find out why I am angry and try to fix that. =S
Number 1 is this fucking shitty internet connection I fucking have. MY BROTHER's computer is doing well stealing other people's fucking internet but guess what, mine's fucking not. Owite, mine's fucking sucky and I really really wish that he would go get a provider fer us, which is what he was supposed to do uh latest 2 days after we moved in to this apartment.
Number 2 is my brother's untidiness. It is driving me nuts. I cleaned up this place when we moved in and I haven been in the house much since it was getting me sick.. but it seems that the place gets dirty quite easily. Of cuz it would be! When a person leaves food wrappers laying around after his meal, leaves crumbs all over the floor and carpet, leaves little pieces of chicken in the sink to breed flies...
Why is my brother untidy? It is partly due to my aunt in Singapore, who cleaned up after my brother everyday when he lived with her. OMG. Can someone help change him.
Why else am I angry? I think I'm also really angry with myself. I am such a selfish freak. We were watching the news about that fucking hurricane a few hours ago and Brian asked me why didn't I go volunteer. Haha. Of cuz I wouldn't, I don't do stuff for free noe. Plus, these white people. They all kinda suck noe. That was what I was thinking. I'm so selfish and stupid. Brian said that he donated 500 dollars for the tsunami fund. What did I do when the tsunami striked? Nothing. I didn't even care. People over at my side of the world were suffering and I was pitying myself back in Mobile wondering why I left Singapore. Why am I such a fucking selfish person? I really should start learning from Brian. He's kinda like my mentor now. And he's so caring too and comforting. That's why I like hanging out with him.
Anyways, someone just told me that today's Teacher's Day in Singapore so Happy Teacher's Day people. Jin is so cool. I like him so very much...
I think there's more to why I am angry. I guess it's more of being angry with myself doing all these shit and stuff. I feel so stupid. People around me know so much more than I do. Maybe that's why everyone around me has a lover and I don't. I guess all my ex-boyfriends have new girlfriends now and I'm still fucking single. It's kinda pathetic and very pathetic. I guess I'm just not too happy with myself. I think I don't meet my own expectations of myself.
I really really want a hug and kiss now. I want someone to let me snuggle in his arms and just let me pour out everything noe. But haha.. All I have is my bed and a blanket to try to snuggle in. Snuggle. What a fucking word. And everytime I get angry or sad I cry. I guess it's good as long as it's not in front of people. I'm so weak. Why can't I be strong like I used to be. Man I wasn't afraid of anything.
And I'm so worried about my parents. Fucking Hurricane Katrina had left Mobile with no electricity at all. A tree fell on my friend's house. It's terrible to live without electricity. Man why didn't they just come here. I would gladly sleep on the floor to let them feel comfortable here and I wouldn't mind seeing Kiska again and I wouldn't mind cleaning up when they leave here. I miss them so much. My mom always makes me feel happy and comfortable. Now I really need a hug.
Now that I've thought about everything that made me angry, I'm not angry anymore. =) I'm sad. I'll try my best to change myself and let's hope that things will work out good for me.
hate school..
Just did 2 freaking quizzes on the school web stuff. Sucks so badly. I got 70% for the first one and 40% for the second. Wanna know why? Cuz I haven bought my fucking book and I really need it by today. Going to get it later.
Stupid freaking Hurricane Katrina. You lousy bitch. Hate you so much. So weak and useless. No electricity in Mobile at all but school's not cancelled here at all. Gay ass bitches
JIN IS SOOOOOOOOOO SUPER COOL!!!!!!!!!!
Nuts
No more work till next Friday!!! =D =D =D!!! Working for 3 consecutive days was terrible. My legs are hurting so bad right now can't even walk properly. But as long as I get to earn money, it's fine.
Stupid Hurricane Katrina. Why go so far away? Why can't you come just a little nearer to Auburn to let us have a few days off of freaking school? You suck man. Stupid useless hurricane. I hate school man. 8a.m. class every freaking day except Wednesday, when I have my first class at 9. Not much of a difference.
I'm in such a bad mood today. I feel like kicking everyone in the nuts. I'm just kidding haha. I just don't feel really happy at all man.
Went shopping today with Kyna and Erin. Bought a sweater and tube top in Pac Sun. Wth I don't even wear tube tops. Well I did when I thought I had a good body and was so fucking full of myself. But I don't wear stuff like that anymore man. What the heck was I thinking? Guess I just wanted to spend $$. Why though.
Chantal, thanks for being so caring. I love you man. I really need a friend like you here. Life would be soooo much easier. But sorry I kinda disappointed you in something. You'll know what I'm saying if you remember our conversation and continue reading. I cannot wait to see my friends again in Singapore. I miss yall so very much. I think I missed yall so much that I didn't really make an effort to make new friends here. I don't know. I really wonder how my life would be right now if I had stayed in Singapore.
A guy at my workplace asked me out for lunch tomorrow. I said ok. Wth. I don't know what I'm doing today at all. But I guess it won't be so bad. He seems like a pretty nice guy. I've been so friendly to everyone today even though I feel like kicking everyone in the nuts. Hai hai hai. Why do I feel so terrible.
I've been hanging out a lot with Brian this few days. Don't know why. Guess when I hang out with him I kinda feel protected and stuff. And I'm happy with I hang out with him, most of the time. But I'm going to stop spending so much time hanging out with him cuz I have tons of cufking homework to do and tons of cufking reading to do and tons of cufking housekeeping to do. Man my apartment gets dirty easily man, even when I'm not around. Tsk tsk. Why can't guys be tidier people.
I have to complete this stupid Chemistry homework tonight. It kinda was due last Friday but I gave my professor the most innocent face ever and asked him if I could turn it in Monday. Dang why didn't I say Friday or something.
Anyways, as you can tell, I have changed my blog song to 'Learn Chinese' by Jin, who's really cool haha. Yall gon learn Chinese. I have his webbie in my sidebar so go check it out.
Don't I need a guy just for myself? I've got to get out of Alabama.
Work Day
I skipped a class again today! Music! Was feeling sooooooo tired I had to come home and sleep haha. But mama, don't worry, I'm still the good girl you know. I did all quizzes today and I think I didn do too badly. =D
Bought my Chemistry stuff too. Guess how much it costs? Fucking $138+. Where the hell can you find such expensive texts? In the USA! Stupid people. And that didn include my Chemistry Lab book so I have to spend MORE. Stupid people.
Gotta go work in a little bit. Don't really feel like it cuz I really really feel like slapping someone right now. So freaking hungry but I'm lazy to cook and don't know what I wanna eat. I guess maybe I'll begin to lose some weight if everyday is like today.
I miss Kiska and Mummy and Daddy and Wuiting and Xinzi and Wanhua and Emily and Candy and Sherlyn and Valerie and Rosie and so many more people. Stupid. Why do I have to leave Singapore. If I didn't, I'd probably still have a boyfriend and all my friends would still be around. Sux man. Why do I have to leave Singapore
Wow! 2 entries in a day!
Well not actually since its bout 1:30a.m. now. Went to the Auburn's Japanese Student Organization's Japanese class at 8p.m.. Was hanging out with Brian before going there and we were 'fashionably late'. Haha.. It was fun though. It's like the only class that I have ever truly enjoyed.
Spent the rest of the time in Brian's place. I like hanging out with Brian. He's a cool guy. Chatted with him a lot before coming back here as you can see cuz it's like 1:30. Chatted about lots of stuff. Some cool shit. Making fun of people. Opinions and stuff. Talked about boyfriend and girlfriend crap too. It's nice talking to him. He actually listens you know. And he tells me lots of stuff too. And he's like all sincere and stuff. I really like hanging out with him.
To say the truth, if one day I am going to marry someone, it's going to be someone with a character like Brian. The way he talks to me and stuff. I don't know. It's just different. He knows stuff and is actually very caring. I don't know if I'll ever meet another guy like him.
It's like, for Kaz, it's more of a 'he-looks-really-cool-and-cute-so-I-like-him' thing. But for Brian, to say the truth, if he doesn't have a girlfriend, I would like him. Good guys are always taken in this world. Yea.. And lots of other stuff we talked about. I've not had such a good conversation with anyone for a long time. He actually made me feel not at all lonely for a while.
Life's good. I've got to be happy
School sucks as usual. Who would ever say that school's good? College sucks more than high school cuz lectures are really really really boring and you know practically no one in school. Well, at least I do. Serves me right for skipping grades. I'm such an idiot. I don't know haha..
Been hanging out with my brother's friends more and more these few days. They're really cool people, except when they start to make fun of me, it gets bad. Serves me right for skipping grades. Sometimes it's so bad I really feel like crying out loud man but.. wth. They're cool people to be with.
I need a guy. I need him to hug me and kiss me and protect me and let me know that everything is fine and will continue to be. I want to be loved by him. Why can't I find him? Am I ugly? Do I have such terrible character that no guy wants me? I've been surrounded by couples everyday it's driving me insane.
I've been cleaning up my apartment and stuff. I think it looks good now! Hehe... And I don't know when my brother's going to get internet set up. He's like... ARGH. It's stupid. He has internet and I have trouble with it everyday cuz we have to steal internet from the other occupants here haha. That sucks pretty badly. Yes it does.
I watched Pirates of the Caribbean again yesterday with Brian haha.. I LOVE that movie. And Brian's a cool guy to be with. I wanna go watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory again!!!! Gotta go watch it quick before they stop showing it. That movie's sooooooooooooooooooo good! I LOVE IT SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!! Johnny Depp's the coolest guy on earth! And he's a GREAT actor. And he's wonderfully cute. He's like my only idol. Haha..
Anyway, I've been bulldoodooing this whole entry. Sucks man. Don't even know what I want to do now... I need a guy.
Internet!
Finally! Some connection! I cant find my computer-camera connector so I cant upload photos sorry...
I'm finally settled down in this apartment. My bed's set up and stuff and I'm better with the trains honking. Going to visit Commons later to see how my friends are doing. I'll take a pic of my room here but still gotta find where that connector thingy is.
Oh ya I forgot to talk about my first week of school. It was ok.
I have freaking 220 people in my Chem class and about 100 in my Math class. It's crazy man. This many people = me not goin to do my homework. Sux ass man. So many freaking white people. I still prefer summer.
My parents just went back home today. They helped me clean up and set up my brother and my apartment. I've got my one and only poster up haha.. It's a poster of S.H.E. I wonder where they are now. Do they have a new album or something? someone's gotta update me on these stuff.
Sick and Tired but can't Sleep..
It's terrible. I can't breathe. Don't know why but all these stupid medicines didn't work. It's terrible. I have to endure these horrendous trains going past my apartment and honking and honking getting louder and louder everytime! My gosh. It's like they deliberately honked nearest to where I'm living so they can scare me. I'm scared. I don't know why but the honking is like.. soft.. soft.. a little louder but still soft.. louder.. louder.. loud. LOUD. LOUDER. LOUDEST!!!! and then slowly fade away. My tummy churns everytime at the loudest part.
Hai. I'm so tired and I still have so much to do. So much to unpack and so much.. I don't know haha.. I think it's just pms. Feel so angry and sad for no reason haha..
I finally got my CanCam magazine from Kenzou! The latest one! Hehe.. So happy. He's so nice.
I've been hanging out with my brother's friends more these few days. They are really nice but somehow I couldn't open up to them. I mean, like be how I was and how I still am in front of them. Well, maybe I've changed and can't be how I was anymore.. I dono haha.. But I really hope to be able to become happy like I was before I came to the USA. Sux. Cadana suX more. Lol.. Oh gosh. School starts tomorrow! I'm kinda scared and I'm not looking forward to it..
New Apartment
Dan you know what I want to do most now? Go back to Singapore to hug everyone and look at everyone especially Jeannie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D Where else in this bloody world can I find other great friends like them and such meis like her! 2 years I have spent in the US and I have only 1 kor here, my dear oniisan. He's the nicest and most caring guy in the world! I'm so glad that I got to know him.
Anyways, I've just moved to my new apartment. It's not bad.. Not good but has potential. My mom and I cleaned it out but there was some kind of chemical on the wooden floor that made me beome a true Japanese or a day haha.. My eyes were swollen and my double eyelid was gone haha. It was terrible and painful. Dont have internet yet. I'm using my bro's com right now. His com managed to steal other people's connection but mine.... hai.. So, I can't post pictures yet. =(
Yesterday was Violet's and my cousin, Sue Yuen's birthday. I wish them all the best and I love you 2. A year older, a year wiser! ... Did I say that correct?
I'm doing one stupid Alcohol Education thingy. SUCKS. Have to finish it by tomorrow. This is what I got for procrastinating. Once. F... stupid. It's pretty boring and stupid.
Going out to eat dinner later! Dang I hate spending $$... I think I'm going to ask another guy to be my oniisan and Maiko to be my onesan. Maiko's the nicest girl in the world. I shouldn't risk losing a friend like that so, make her be my sister! Look at my jies and meis in Sg. If they weren't my jies or meis, we probably would not be as close and have as much fun so! Yup! Gotta go concentrate on the stupid alcohol edu! Yea! ..
Tomorrow's moving day!
Yay. My dad rented a U-Haul. I hope it won't be hard. I've been feeling really weak these days. IT doesn't really matter haha.. The real problem is that I'm getting fat. Really fat. I'm trying to get myself to eat less these days and I think that's the reason I'm feeling weak. I'll get used to it.
Nothing much to write today. Haven't been doing much. Oh I went to my high school again yesterday to get my little brother. Saw my friend and talked to her for a little while. I don't know why but when I return to my high school, some kind of weird feeling just comes over me and I become the quiet self that I was when I was in high school again. It's terrible. I'm glad I'm out of my high school.
Really wonder how life's going to be when I move in with my brother. Hope that he'll change his untidy ways. I'm saying that I'm neat, but I'm not untidy either. Hehe.. Well I have nothing else to say except this:
Jies, dis, meis, kors, and other dear friends, please make yourselves free this Dec to go out with me! I MISS ALL OF YOU! =D
Harry Potter
The copy of the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince that I borrowed. I'm the first to borrow it!Why I am talking about thisI have been able to reserve a copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in the Mobile Public Library and YES! After much trouble, I managed to get another copy, a NEW one, back home to read. I finished it in 2 days =D. I'll try my best not to give out any important information for the sake of those who have not read it yet. But I have to tell those people: PLEASE GO READ IT.Harry Potter and the Half Blood PrinceThe book's pretty good. But I CANNOT believe Rowling. First, she let my favourite character die. My favourite character, if you still do not know, is Sirius Black. Dang I spent that whole night thinking maybe Dumbledore would rise him from the dead or something but when I finished the book the next day, I had to convince myself that he's really out of the series. And then, in this book, she let my second favourite character die. WTH!!! I was really sad man. No way man. Omg. I can't believe it. So many couples... I want a boyfriend too.... Is the Harry Potter series going to end at Book 7? I really wonder. Everything's so different now! I can't believe it.Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Movie)The only thing I'm going to talk about here is Cho Chang in the movie. She is not pretty, and she is 18 years old. She is older than Daniel Radcliffe!! Why was she chosen? I really wonder. Plus, my mom told me it was just luck cuz her family was going somewhere when her dad saw the commercial and told her to go try out for fun. No fair...The movie's coming out in November! I CAN'T wait to see it!! =D
This is such a vague entry haha..
I'm moving back to Auburn this Saturday.. Hope that my brother and I will not have any problems when we start to live together.. Went back to my high school yesterday but the vice principal told me she couldn let my in cuz they don't allow visitors during school time but what the fuck. There were so many visitors last year. I didn't really like the school anyway, was going to visit and talk to my friends for a while but fuck it. It's ok. I'll never ever go back there again.
I think that there's a problem with my family. What is it? My dad's fing company. I absolutely detest my dad's company and his colleagues. They are all mfers. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!! I'm so angry. The fing company is transforming my dad into this.. angry person. I really wish that those fucking people would leave my dad alone and try to do some work. They don't even know how to work. Stupid people. All that they do is talk. Talk. Talk. And they don't do anything. Talk and scold. Talk and scold. Go fuck la mfers. I'm not going to name anything or anyone here cuz I don't wanna get my dad into trouble. I love my family but my dad (cuz of his fucking bosses) gets angry really easily, and anger is contagious in my family. I don't know.. I guess this world is really difficult to live in unless you're tough and unmerciful, which is what I'm going to be when I finish schooling.
Oh and I can't believe that I forgot to come online yesterday to type a HAPPY NATIONAL DAY to my dear home country. I hate myself for that. HAPPY BELATED NATIONAL DAY!
Back from NIAGARA!
Firstly, I would like to tell Jeannie mei that I love those peanuts soooo much!! When I go to Japan, I'll buy a pack and send them to you!! And I can't wait for December to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to write all of that in shoutbox but they said that I was spamming. :S
Alright! Oh ya I wanna say that, I don't like Kaz anymore. Ya right. But I really don't like him that much anymore. The more I look at him, the more I feel that we are very very different people. So, I went to flirt with other guys haha...... =D Just kidding. I just took pics with the 5 new Japanese guys that came for the 3-week program. They were really nice. I'll post the pics when I get my laptop back.
Ok! Niagara! It was GREAT! REALLY BEAUTIFUL place. Really, really, really fascinating. Really cool. I didn't take that picture above but I did take lots of pictures of the Falls. I'll post them when I get my laptop back (mata...). Spent about 6 days in Buffalo, New York. The Buffalo Wings were DELICIOUS. Man. I went over to Cadana too for a day. Opps, did I say Cadana? Cuz I meant Canada. That place sucks. People there cannot function efficiently. No wonder Americans always make fun of them. The only thing I like about Cadana is the maple leaf on their flag.
I'm beginning to dislike sitting on an aeroplane. Maybe it's because I wasn't on SIA. SIA is the BEST airlines in the world. If you sit on other airlines, you'll know why. Singapore is COOL. A few problems here and there, but overall, I LOVE Singapore. Many people who had visited Singapore want to go back again. And lots who have heard of Singapore want to go there. I feel so cool to be a Singaporean haha.. I'm proud.
Back to Niagara. I learnt lots of stuff in Niagara too. There are actually 3 different falls in the Niagara falls. And Canadians are dumb. And Indians are very &^##!$*(*. Sorry for stereotyping but look at it this way. People who are made fun of often have a reason why. Know what I'm sayin? Look at the Shi'ite people. Look at the Indians. But Niagara Falls is really really beautiful. Go there for your honeymoon.
My first semester at Auburn University was great. I liked it. I made all As (thanks to my ability to slap the horse's butt [for History]) and though I spent lots of time studying and being sad, everything turned out well. I hope that I'll be able to maintain my 4.0 GPA for my 4 years at Auburn. I hope to get a good-paying job and hope to be able to make my parents proud. So far, I think that my parents are alright with me cuz I really try hard to study and be independent and stuff and I try my best to make my mom and dad happy.
To think that I had a nightmare that I got a whole bloody essay question wrong in my exam haha.. I'm really becoming a nerd man haha..
Hmm.. what else.. This is my first entry in August. Ai. I'll post pictures. OH YA!!! I have FINALLY reserved Harry Potter and the HAlf Blood Prince. I CAN'T wait to get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm going to pick up my dog later... AH!!! CAn't waiT!!!!
