This week has been the worst week I've ever had in my life.
Monday, kana abandoned. Tuesday, kana abandoned again. Yeah. I realised that both incidents didn't happen in one day. Wednesday I didn't feel any better. Thursday, you guessed it, he couldn't go. Friday, I'll explain.
Sitting in Pre-Cal class on Thursday with monstrous butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, I prepared myself to prepare for the worst. I knew he wouldn't be able to go. I just duno why. So, I decided to ask him if he could go to prom with me. I couldn't do it during class. I couldn't even look at him. Yeah, I've never felt so nervous about asking someone to go out with mi, considering I've never gone to prom before. We talked. I love it when we talk. I always feel happy when we get to talk. I duno why. I don't like him that way. Really. But he's a really good friend. Unfortunately for me, I managed to ask him if he was free on Saturday. He said he's not, and asked me if it was about prom. I said yeah and he said he's sorry but he had to work. He said he could try to get back but it'll be too late so I said its ok. I've spent the whole night thinking about what to say when I get rejected cuz I know I would be somehow. So, being prepared, it wasn't much of an impact. I was sad though. Of course I would be. Who wouldn't?
When I reached home, I thought, he would still talk to me tomorrow right? Yeah. He would. He's a really good friend. Well, I don't know about that. I had to wait till today to find out.
I guessed wrong. =) I didn't talk to him at all. Or he didn't talk to me at all. Usually, when he gets to class he would say hey kristy or something. But today he was late, and class had already started, so he couldn't say hi or anything. We get to watch a movie in Spanish "The Incredibles" in Spanish. HAha.. It was supposed to be funny. He said to himself that he would move to a seat in the back cuz everyone's on the floor. He moved to the very back of the row, and I'm way in front. Is he avoiding me? Well maybe he just needed to take a nap. I didn't see him any during lunch.. Sat at the opposite side of the room again I think. I didn't feel really as sad as I was until 2:30pm, right after school.
I was waiting for Violet outside a classroom (I need a ride) and he walked by. I didn't know so I looked up and saw him. He didn't say anything. No His or hey Kristys or anything. He just walked by as if I wasn't there. Yup. Gotta accept the truth Kristy. He's avoiding me, and ignoring me too. Nonetheless, I felt like I was punched in the face. Waiting to get home was the hardest thing to do. I got all teary-eyed and stuff but I didn't want my mom to know. She was already feeling bad after listening to all the bad stuff that happened to me the past few days. And I think she kinda liked Matthew, not that kind of way. Like she kinda liked it that he is my friend. You know.
When I got home, I couldn't hold it anymore. Rushed to my room turned on the radio, and started bawling. Locked myself in my room wallowing in self-pity. I felt like I have just lost a great friend by asking him to prom. I stopped crying for a few times but then thought:"He'll never ever talk to me again," and cried again. Stupid. I guess it's just a bad week for me.
I HATE PROM. And tomorrow's it. I'm going. Try to make myself enjoy it there. I'll get a few pics but don't be surprised if I send you one with a gloomy face of mine in it.
This week has just been a really bad one. I feel like the ugliest girl in the world. I feel stupid. I feel unloved and unwanted.
Depressing entry.. again.
What is wrong with the people here??! Why can't they just do whatever they said they would do? If you can't be sure you'll be able to do something, don't say that you'll be doing it! Fuck!
Yes. I've been abandoned again. And for the first time, Violet's not the only one! Yup. If I could receive a nickel everytime I've been abandoned, I would be fucking rich by now. But... well.... she does pay back for what she did wrong. I don't mean pay back. Kinda like uh.. she does good stuff to get me to forget about the bad stuff. Know what I mean? Now, lets tell the story of my abandonment.
Violet. She told me we could go get a makeover before we go to prom. I thought that it was a great idea! We asked the lady in the department store about it and she said it's free but on weekends we have to buy 2 items to get it free. She gave Violet a card (she thought we were sisters) and told us that it would be better if we made an appointment. So, I asked Violet on Monday if she had called and arranged an appointment. She told me: "Oh Kristy, I'm not doing it anymore." If you're not, then don't say you're going to!!!! I was so fucking pissed. Yup! Abandoned again! Prom's this Saturday! If I didn't ask her about that Monday, she'd most probably tell me an hour before prom! I'm givin' up on her. Givin' up givin' a fuck.
Aha. Now my friends. My ang moh friends. We all agreed to go without dates right? WRONG. I guess I was the only one who remembered it. I rejected and refrained from asking people to go with me because I said I would go without a date BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO. Know what they said today? Blah.. blahh.. "Oh we'd get you to join us in the dancing. I think we would even even spend more time dancing with each other than with our dates!" DATES!! WHAT DATE? THE RED WRINKLY THING WE EAT? I wish. It would be really nice if they had told me earlier that they were fucklingly going with fucking dates. I could have asked that very nice guy from my Spanish class to take me. Now how am I going to face the people I rejected? They'll probably be laughing and gagging when they see me there. alone..
And those 2 incidents happened in 1 day! UNO!!! YI!! ICHI!! Yes.. it was a really bad day. I didn't even eat lunch (which I regretted cuz I became incredibly hungry during English). But I'm kinda glad I didn't cuz that guy in my Spanish class, he came over and forced me to eat some peanuts. Haha.. "Protein," he said. He said that I wouldn't be able to grow if I don't eat. He's really nice.
Anyway, if you do realise, all my friends I'm talking about here are Christians. Yes, I'm stereotyping. But what the hell? They ruined my day more than the world leaders did! I can't believe someone could actually ruin my day! I've not been angry for a long time! No I had been angry for sometime.. But I was FURIOUS that day. I really can't believe I let someone ruin my day.
Today's Wednesday. I thought of an idea yesterday night. I may still have a chance to get that guy in my Spanish class to go with me! So, I asked my teacher if I could still get tickets. I had 2 free tickets from my chocolate sale and he was like.. "Kristy! you have bad attendance and behave terribly in class and blah blah blah! And you keep asking me for special treatment! Now you're asking for special treatment again! When will this stop!?" Haha.. then he told me he was joking. Lol.. And the he was like "I thought you had 2 free tickets? Oh... Kristy's bringing 2 guys, eh?" Haha.. He's the best teacher ever. He told me I could still buy it if I want to. Of cuz, he said that after I explained to him about my giving the other ticket to Violet.
Anyway, I was going to call the guy in my Spanish class... wow that's long. His name's Matthew. I was going to call Matt to ask him but I realised that I didn't have his number. Duh.. Lol.. So I guess I'll ask him tomorrow. I ddoubt he would go with me since its like 2 days to prom but.. oh well.. It's worth a try.. Really really hope that he'll go though.
This world is stupid
Japan apologise to China? Japan apologise to Australia? Germany? USA? What the heck?! This world should apologise to me for being so bloody stupid. War. Hunger. Racism. Heck. What to do? This is stupid man. Everyone should just die and let big Man up there to create a new race. Everybody with the same colour, language, blah, so there wun be shit like this. This is just stupid. I don't believe I'm actually reading the news. Don't try to quarrel la big leaders. They all act like little children. Gosh. This is worse than my little brother and I! Grow up!
My Future
Coming to USA has opened up many opportunities to me. Sadly, I have managed to kinda take advantage of prejudice here. lol.. Teachers like me because I'm like the most attentive person in class(I was day-dreaming). My determination (where did I get that from? my mom? or my dad?) has brought me to places I never even thought existed. And I have finally began to research thoroughly and plan carefully for my future.
Firstly, I have to disappoint some of my friends by saying that I may not be staying in Singapore for good. MAY NOT ok not WILL NOT. I'm not sure yet. I have decided that I will try to go around countries (student exchanges and internships) and check out their work ethics, prejudice, living environments, people, salary, ya.. and stuff like that. Hope to be able to start that in my university years. I think I would like to go into International Business because I really really like travelling around the world and learn about the different cultures and learn how to interract with people of different countries and also, give them a good impression of Singaporeans. And of course, to do that, I have to work really really hard. But if, in the end, I find that Singapore is top in everything, I would stay in Singapore.
But to say the truth.. Chinese from China are kinda taking over Singapore now. My mom even got scolded by a garang guni that time we returned to Singapore. How rude. And its OUR homeland. Not theirs. They should really just leave Singapore. It's ruining our country. And I duno why I'm sharing my plans with the whole world.
Anyways, I also would like my friends in Singapore to know that this does not mean that I'm going to desert you k. So, please dun like, forget me. I really really love all my friends in Singapore. I'll be making plans with yall maybe to meet in a country and we can go tour and have fun together!!
OppS! Gotta go eat dinner, dad's glaring at me. By the way, sorry bout my shoutbox. It's under maintanence. For a really long time now. Sorry...
Feel left out..
I went to the Chinese Fellowship yesterday, yes, for fun. And I felt TERRIBLE. I felt so left out. Violet is of cuz talking and moving around. I hung around 2 girls, trying to get my eyes off the food. I'm trying really hard not to exceed 2000 calories day. Well, the two girls decided to speak in dialect. I only know a bit of Hokkien, which is not the dialect they were using. So, I couldn't understand any fuck they said. I tried to hint them about that, but they're like uh.. hey she's not Chinian. They didn't care. I'm Chinese but not from China, thus the term Chinian ok. I decided that staying there longer would only make me feel more fucked up, so I left early. I'm kinda glad that Jeff and Violet came out and accompanied m for a while. Hmm.. no I'm sorry I'm not happy cuz they were fighting in my car. Drove them to the church entrance in the end and went home. Well I'm glad that they accompanied me for a while. When I reached home, I was going to make a negative entry in this blog about me but I was lazy to turn on the com so too bad..
I feel so much better today. I hmm.. O ya.. my mum's going to teach me make-up later! She told me she used to take make-up lessons but quit cuz she hated make-up. But she's going to help me with it! I'm glad. I like the bond between my mom and I. I reserved 'Finding Neverland' but the letter never came! I'm going to the library later to ask for it and reserve Spongebob movie. Haha.. I LOVE Spongebob. He's the cutest thing.
I really can't wait for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to be released! Its like.. 80 days more? I duno.. look at my link and you'll know! Hehe..
Today's Friday. And I skipped half a day of school to go out with my mum. Don't think that it is wrong. I know it's not right but there wasn't anything left to do in school anyways. It's Friday ok. And the other girls are leaving a little later for the 'Mother-Daughter Tea' where they would be eating with their moms and then listen to people talk bout Christianity, about how lucky they are to have such a loving God. It's not that I think it's stupid. I think it's perfectly ok. I just don't like to do stuff like that. I'm not a good listener.
Argh.. I've forgetten what I was goign to write.
What should I title this as?
I duno. I'm in school right now just finished with computer work so I get to surf the net. It's good. I 've been driving to school since Monday! =D But I only get to drive this week cuz my dad's in Texas. I hate it when my dad leaves. I kinda feel responsible of my family's safety. Haha...
wow.. My principal just walked in. Lol.. Luckily, I had Microsoft Word open. O ya.. I got a compliment from my principal. Yup. He said I am a person who "finds ways to make things happen". "Which is good." He says. Yeah. I hope it is. Anyways.. I nearly got into a wreck yesterday. A bloody arse decided to go into the suicide lane when I wasn't looking. Bloody hell. He's really fortunate that I was in a good mood. I've been packing stuff. Really excited. About what? I can't say. Sorry. I'll write stuff about it when I can.
I got a B for math. Haha.. That time I said that the teacher better change the grades, it wasn't her fault. I didn't do my homework so I got a 50. But my other grades kinda pulled it up. Haha.. such irresponsibility. I have my piano recital this May. I think its the 7th. I'm practising. Yeah. Don't wanna live through last year's horrible nightmare again.
I cannot wait.. I wanna just.. GO!!! HAha.. :S
Funny Song.. Haha..
This song is kinda funny.. It's "Givin' Up" by The Darkness.
My mama wants to know
Where I'm spending all my dough
Honey, all she does is nag, nag, nag
But I won't apologise
I'd inject into my eyes
If there was nowhere else to stick my skag
All I want is brown
And I'm going into town
Shooting up as soon as I'm back
My friends have got some good shit
All I want is some of it
Gimme, gimme, gimme that smack
Well I've ruined nearly all of my veins
Sticking that fucking shit into my arms
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Givin' up, givin' up givin' a fuck
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Givin' up, givin' up givin' a fuck
Getting off my face
There's a dragon I must chase
Honey, I'm the scourge of all mankind
And everyone but me
Is destined just to be
Slaves to the remorseless grind
But I found myself an easy way out
Sticking that fucking shit into my arms
Into my arms
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Givin' up, givin' up givin' a fuck x7
Well it doesn't sound funny here. I think its funny cuz it looked like an angry song but sounded really cheerful haha..
LoNg tIme nO uPdAtE
I am back and sorry fer not really updating much.. I've had a busy week. I bought a prom dress yesterday, yes i did : ), and went to return it today. Haha.. yeah.. It was a cheap one, only $89, but I returned it cuz I had bought one last year and I tried both on and they looked quite the same so I decided to get a refund for this. Ya.. guess the price of the prom dress I'm going to wear?? I'm not going to tell yall the answer first.. Haha.. guess guess!
Anyway, I drove to my piano teacher's house today and was late. Haha.. I'm really really bad at directions.. Turned right at McDonalds instead of left. How stupid can a person be.. haha..
Oh ya.. Went to D.I.M.U.N (Davidson's Invitational Model United Nations) Wednesday and Thursday. We were supposed to act like the United Nations and create resolutions and vote on them and stuff. It was extremely stupid. Here are some reasons why:
1) I didn't see the guy from the test center. (Wonder what sch he's in..)
2) The thing was super boring. We could write notes to each other but.. I didn't write much really.. Was too busy falling asleep.
3) People are so serious and crappy about it, and some others are getting stupid about it.
4) A guy representing China dressed up as a ninja.
5) There are crappy girls who spent the whole time flirting with my friend who happened to sit beside me and was talking to me.
6) People passed a resolution to feed ice-cream and ramen noodles to children in africa. I voted against it cuz of its stupidness but apparently some people ARE stupid.
7) A bloody fucker said this: "We should not be wasting our time trying to get resolutions from the topic 'Development of third world countries'. Why? Because third world countries had caused themselves to be third world countries. It's not our problem. It's theirs."
There are some good points about this event though. The meeting was held in Downtown Mobile so I managed to go to a restaurant called "Spot of Tea". It had the best food, best service, and best tea. I love that place and really really hope to go back there again. I even looked for the waitress so I could give her her tip (I had forgotten to leave it on the table cuz I needed to go weewee.. haha).
Hmm.. Went to the mall with my mum today. It was fun. Children like me are endangered.. Haha.. Moms like mine are too.. Hehe.. =D I love my family.
Haha.. What else........ Well.. Nothing more to add.. I think.... O ya.. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out in July and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie comes out Nov.. Cant waIT! And.. The Darkness is a really good band... Try downloading come of their songs. My favourite's "Friday Night".
Driving with a license
Driving with a license is soooooo different from driving with a permit! Oh ya... It felt really really great today when I drove my family a round and stuff. Haha... I had a great day today, proving that the astronomy stuff in Friendster is quite accurate. It feels really cool driving with a license. It's like, all of a sudden, you're the Man. Haha.. haha.. It's funny. I kinda liked it. Although I used to say i hate driving.
Got my driver's license!!!!
WHaha! I finally received my driver's license! But its only temporary haha.. I'll get the real one in a few weeks. I took the road test again on Thursday, was the first one to take it. The white lady was sooooooooo much better than the previous person. This tester went through the stuff I had to do with me and talked to me in a much better tone. I expected to fail again. I duno why. Guess I'm just preparing myself just in case. But I passed! :D I'm happy. The only thing stopping me from driving on my own is directions. I need someone beside to tell me where I have to turn and stuff. I dun think my dad wrote the letter of complaint but its ok. He doesn't need to do it anymore. I saw my previous tester at the center. I swallowed my pride and stuff. I sooooo wanted to go there and kick her ass but I treated her with much respect. Didn't give her any "fuck you" looks or stuff like that. Told her to help me change my name and stuff cuz someone typed it wrong. I was going to go to the other cashier but she walked away. I think she did it on purpose. But anyway, I think I made that ass feel real guilty for being such an ass and ya. I feel great about it.
Went to the church party yesterday. Had a real nice chat with my long lost friend. Lol.. I'm just kidding. It's just a few months since we saw each other. And.. the house was pretty. They are rich people. What can I say. It's not the prettiest but its ok. I had fun there, ate quite a good meal actually. Oh ya I went to the mall too. I was trying to get a prom dress but got a skirt instead.
Did I say that if I didn't manage to get a prom dress by yesterday I wouldn't go? I decided to take back my words haha.. I have a guy I think I wanna ask to go with me if he doesn't ask me soon. He's not the cutest guy I can find but he's the nicest guy and I'd like to know him better. As friends. The only problem is that he's kinda like the basketball star of my school, always scores the 2nd most points ya not the most... but anyways, so he's really really really really tall. And I'm really really really really short. Haha...
I decided to work harder in Math cuz I was too.. I duno. I can't keep blaming teachers for bad grades. So I finally brought a book home from school! I brought my math book home from school and did some problem sets. I feel great for doing that. Makes me feel hardworking. Lol.. HAha.. its great here.. Imagine not having to bring home any books and still getting As.. haha.. but I really gotta work hard.
I'm still not over that guy at the test center by the way.
Tiredy..
I am soo... tired. I have a Biology test tomorrow but I'm feeling really lazy. I slept in class today. No I didn't I just day-dreamed. Is that a word? I'm not the only tired one in class though. 50% of the students were still slacking around. Our duno what important guy in the school still had to tell us that spring break's over after announcements. I'm really confused. I didn't know spring break was over. Hmm...
I feel really bad. I kept looking around hoping to see his car. It's so stupid. What did I expect? Him to drive by and talk to me? Ya. Dream on. I've got a party to go to on Friday. No. Not the ang moh spiked drinks type. It's the Christian type though I'm not one. Anyway, so dun hold your breath. Gotta go to the library tomorrow.. Stupid high school stuff.. REALLY really hope that these 6 weeks would be over quickly.
OMG.. I got 70 for math. WTH?! Think the teacher went psycho. She didn't even put down what assignments caused me to get such a stupid grade. I'm supposed to get at least a 90. She better change it soon or I'd have skip break and talk to her. WTH!?
I Have a Crush on You..
I'm finally back from school. It's not that bad actually. I got lots of comments on my new hairstyle. Everyone likes it, except some girls who got jealous when guys commented. Lol.. Personally, I think this hairstyle is great cuz I don't have to put up my hair during P.E. or have hair in my eyes when I'm bending down writing or sleeping in class. :p
I don't know why I just can't stop thinking about that guy from the test center. He had to appear yesterday. : ( If he had not, I would've forgotten about him a gazillion years ago. Unfortunately for me now,whenever I walk my dog, I look around for any black cars that resemble his hoping that I might be able to find him again. I even went onto friendster to look for people in Mobile. Going into webbie of any guy with black hair and a goatee. Fortunately, there weren't many of them. Dang.. I really really hope that I would see him again. The next time I see him, I will ask him to go to prom with me. LoL.. really... I really really hope that he would accidentally stumble onto this blog and read about this and tell me in my shoutbox that he is the guy and that he'll be able to meet me again someday. But, that's not going to happen. It would be a miracle if it did. I believe in miracles. :D Hua hua xin... Haha..
I have 6 more weeks of school before summer break. HOPE THAT THESE 6 WEEKS WOULD PASS QUICKLY.
Cute guy from driving test center
OMG! As you know, I failed my driving test. So, my dad and I went practising just now and guess what?!!??!! I saw the cute guy in my neighborhood! OMG! I absolutely hate driving so I usually just stare at the road and cars when I drive. Then, I saw this two guys in the corner of my eye, I was going to ignore and stare at the road but I looked at them and I saw him! I duno what got me to look up. His little goatee, his his cuteness or maybe just becuz he was going to walk on the road but went up onto the pavement when he saw my car... I wonder if he saw me.. LoL.. He was carrying his skateboard. Ooo... skaterboy.. Haha.. I know.. its like 10 years ago Avril sang that song but its really cool. I thought I'd never see him again.
Just saw Johnny Depp on tV! He's sooooo cool...
School starts tomorrow.......
Fast food, candy bars, and chocolate
The 3 things that are best in USA. Fast food, candy bars, and chocolate. I have an enormous increase in my intake of these stuff ever since I left Singapore. Sometimes I just wished I didn't leave. All my wonderful friends, all separated now cause of the different schools they are going to attend. I've forgotten how I used to be in Singapore man cuz I'm really really different now. Really. Haha..
My dog's on the sofa trembling right now. No, she's not afraid of me. She's asleep and dreaming. I wonder what dogs dream about. Looks like she's running in her sleep. SHE'S SO CUTE! aRGh! :D
Tell me you love Johnny Depp and Daniel Radcliffe in my shoutbox! :D
I'm still thinking about that cute guy in the driver test center. He's sooo cute! Haha.. Think I just can't get over tomorrow being the last day of spring break. Gotta go take the driving test again next week though. Hope it won't ruin my day again. It was really embarrassing crying in front of people. It's very different than crying alone.
I'm soooo bored. I'm going to list the 5 things I miss most in Singapore:
1)My friends, especially the closest ones.. you know who you are~
2)Food aHa!
3)Relatives
4)Shopping malls!
5)Public Transport!
O ya.. My family spent $10 buying candy and chocolates today haha.. This explains the number of obese people in the States ya...
April Fools!
Haha.. It's 6pm now and I just realized that its April Fools Day. Crap.. haha..
Nothing much happened today, just happy that my mei Wanhua stopped by here and left a little msg and I received a msg from my auntie in friendster. :D
All my secondary school friends in Singapore are going to different schools now. I hope this would not cause them to drift apart cuz I really really like my friends. I'm really glad that more people could read now after I rejected a few friend requests in my "friends only" account. Some people are just.... Stupid. I said that they could add me in my other account but they like insist that I add them in my "friends only" account when I haven't even seen them before. :S
So today's Friday. Monday - Friday = Saturday and Sunday. I have 2 more days lefT!!!! I don't wanna go to school. Well, I don't really wanna be stupid for my whole lifetime. Hmm.. I wonder what I got for my research paper. Today's boring. No one talked to me. I duno why I became quite rude when my dad called back just now to ask for something. Maybe it's because of a whole week of computer games. Think I'm going crazy. I love my doggie.
