逃げた魚は大きい: 7月 2005

Just a note to self

Tokyo Yokohama Asakusa Harajuku Shibuya

I am AHEAD!!! =D

I have finished 7 questions today!!! So! I have only 1 more question to go tomorrow! I'm happy.

I am getting so fat but I can't stop myself from salivating whenever I see food. It's not good man... My body's not doing well. My food resistance level is dropping terribly.. Haiz... What to do?????!!! I managed to stop drinking though. I hung out with my friends yesterday but did not drink AT ALL. =D I'm proud. I ate a lot though.

I took PICTURES! LOTS. But I didn't manage to get a picture of the guy I said was cute cuz all 5 students went to homestay.... Sian.. Maybe Monday or Tuesday lo...

I think I'm confirmed about going to Japan September 2006. If there are no problems with financial aid stuff and my own money, I'm going man. I can't wait to go. My friends said I could do homestay in their houses haha.. Like one week per person haha.. Just kidding. I have a dorm to live in there. It's part of the package. Wanna take at what's covered in the package? Please go to my sidebar and click on where I said ''study abroad in Japan!!'' or something like that. That's the program I'm doing. I've already planned about some of the stuff I'm going to buy. I'm going to buy these weird peanuts in a big pack. I'll upload the photo I took. I ate them yesterday and they were GREAT. Man... I like Asian food. Asian food is soooooooooooo much better than European food. Well.. Some European food are good like French and Italian. Oh well. Asian food is definitely better than American and British food hahaha... I'm going to buy sembei too. おいしい！ And I'm going to finish learning Katakana by.. latest I think September. Yup. Should be more than enough time for me.

TIRED!

Less than 4 days left at the Commons.

I only have 1 and 1/2 more days of food in Commons left haha.. I'm leaving for Niagara Falls next Tuesday. It would be GREAT! But for right now, I've got to fing study for my fing final exam Tuesday morning.................................

Anyways, I had planned to start studying tomorrow so I am 1 question ahead right now! =D Only 7 more impossible essay questions to answer and then memorise! I'm going to take pictures later cuz I'm leaving Commons... Yea.. Wuiting, remember the guy that I told you was cute? I'll take a pic with him later k? Haha.. He looks like a little boy. So cute. The way he acts when I talk to him makes him look even more like a little boy haha... Can't stand it. Too cute.

Oh yea.. I have 2 pictures posted today haha.. It's pathetic I know.. I'll get more taken ASAP. =D

Work.

I went for an interview today for the IEP program. I'm trying to be a student worker in IEP cuz I like interacting with the Japanese people. Learnt lots from them. It went pretty well. I don't know if I'll get the job though and it's minimum wage.

I went to try out for a job as a hostess in Mandarin House restaurant after that. It was pretty good. I didn't have to do much, just check some stuff, wash some wine glasses, clean menus, and show people to their tables. It's not easy though. I guess I just suck at working haha. I'll get better. I hope. I have to say that this job is much easier than the one I had in Panda, and it pays more too. I'm only earning $4 an hour right now cuz it's like training day for me. I'll get bout $6 plus when I officially start working there. Plus, I get free dinner everyday I work there. Is that great or what.

Problem is, my brother is urging me to not work in Mandarin House if I get a job in IEP. I understand, oil's expensive and Mandarin House is kinda far away from where I live. But if I have my own car, I wouldn't really mind spending that money, having 2 jobs, and not have a life. Cuz, I want to work in the IEP stuff and I want to work in Mandarin House too. And I really really wanna earn more money so I can go to Japan and spend money there shopping. I'm greedy. I don't know. I'm still deciding what I should do. I'll talk to my mom..... She'll help me figure it out. Advice anyone?

HATE!! AGAIN!!!!

If yall didn't manage to read my entry about this in May, here's it again.

I hereby declare (again) to ALL white people aged 57 or above living in Mobile, Alabama:

I HATE YOU!!!!

And to those who whether deliberately or not made my mom agitated, be afraid. I could be the one to move your phone to the room at the end of the corridoe when you fall. I'm serious.

That's was my declaration in May, but for this month, I have extra stuff to tell you. Yall look like the picture above!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YALL STUPID IGNORANT BASTARDS.

Alright. What happened this time you ask? Some bloody old man scolded my parents for no fucking reason. Well.. My dog was running around without a leash but that doesn't give him any fucking right to scold MY parentS!! If I was there, I would have tripped him with his dog's leash. Bloody arsehole. I wouldn't mind, my parents wouldn't have minded if he just told them nicely. WTF. My dog did fucking nothing to you and you scold my parents. FUCK YOU MAN. NO ONE treats my parents like that. You better be afraid. I'm going to trip you when I fucking see you in Mobile.

That fucking guy is not the only one who got me pissed off. A few days ago, my mom was at Wal-mart (I think) and she was just reversing out of her parking space. Suddenly, an old, fuckinly old couple came in, used, their car to push the fucking trolley and the fucking trolley hit my mom's car. Fuck that couple man. Bloody fuckers. I hope that a trolley would for no reason smash into their car so they had to go repaint it or something man.

Mobile's old people are so fucking stupid and irritating and disgusting. They think that they are really smart but in actuality they are fuckingly ignorant and dumb. They look down on Asians when they are the fucking ones who deserve to be looked down on. They think that they are like. EEYER I hate them. They pretty much suck really badly. Bloody Fuckers. I was having a good day. Man I know someday I'll regret saying all that but I'm so angry now that I dont give a fucking damn.

I'm sorry for this long paragraph. I tried to separate it so many times but blogger's not my friend right now..

.

I kicked my cupboard today. Ok not cupboard. Cabinet. Gosh. What's the difference? And I hurt my foot very badly. I can't walk properly now. I'm so stupid. Why did I kick the cabinet? I was angry cuz the dye came out of one of my red shirts and stained 2 other white shirts. I wouldn't have minded but both shirts were only partially pink. And I don't know what happened to the washer in my brother's apartment but my shirts became fuzzworlds. Full of fuzz all over. Dang.

I went swimming, which was good, but alone. It sounds kinda pathetic but it actually feels good cuz I swam more than when I usually do with my friends around.

Yea. Friends. I don't think I'll ever be able to find close friends like the ones I had in Singapore again. It sucks terribly. The whole group went to some river or something today. And left me alone here. Well, not the whole group, but most of them, and my good girlfriends went to. And they told me yesterday they had to STUDY. Study shit in the river la. I was terribly disappointed but I don't think I'm going to let them know of my disappointment. It's ok man. Just leave me alone, friends.

Well I think, cuz I'm different. I mean, the whole group's Japanese. I guess I'll never be able to blend in yea. I'm moving out of the Commons soon. The Tuesday after this one to be exact. Ah.. I don't know. I really want to feel like how I felt when I was in Singapore. I had close friends who cared. Maiko cares, I think. Maybe not. I don't know. What's wrong with me? I'm having problems following my motto nowadays. It sucks horribly.

What I really really wish for now is the impossible: To go back to how it used to be. How life was when I was back in Singapore. When I was ignorant yet happy at the same time.

Dreams

I had the weirdest dreams last night haha. The first dream is weird but I can't really remember. Haha.. But I can remember the 2nd dream. Remember Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The oompa loompas in the movie? Haha.. I dreamt that I met the guy who played them and he was small in real life too. Not as small as in the movie (duh..) but shorter than me haha.. Imagine that! And I asked him to take a picture with me and he took 2. Haha.. And then I saw my friends. I can't remember if they are my friends from Singapore or from here but they are asians haha.. And I can't remember anything anymore. Dang. What a weird dream.

Anyways, I swam lots yesterday! I've gotten a lot weaker now though. I can't really swim butterfly for more than a lap and that lap is SHORT. My arms got really tired. That's why I'm doing pushups again. I was going to go swim again today but nobody's free... =( Maybe I'll go on my own...

I think that it is really difficult to choose where a person really wants to stay for good once he or she leaves his or her hometown. Each country has it's good and bad sides. I don't know. It's difficult for me to choose where I want to live in in the future. I don't want to desert my friends but I don't want to get all boxed up in Singapore either. It's just different. I like Singapore very, very much. It's my favourite country in the world. But I want to experience living in places like Britain, Japan, New York, Frisco, etc. Cities. I like cities.

Anyways, I'm planning to get internships and maybe I hope be able to study abroad in Japan. Many people had encouraged me on that but it is kinda really expensive haha.. Just the round plane ticket would be like US$1500. I may be able to get financial aid..... I don't know. I'm trying to find out more. I would only be able to start planning for study abroads after I get financial aid, which is after I get my Visa again, which is next May or June when I will return to Singapore again. =D December and June! just half a year and I'll be able to see my lovely friends again!

For right now, I'm trying to bid an mp3 off ebay haha... But I'm not old enough so I gotta get help from my friends......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!!! ♥

Today's DANIEL RADCLIFFE's Birthday!!!! He is now 16 years
old!!! I'm 16 years old too!!!!!!!! WHAHAHA.... =D HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL RADCLIFFE!! あなたはちょかっこい！！！

SO COOL!!!

I'm going to celebrate Mr. Radcliffe's birthday by going swimming! =D It's been sooooooooo long since I last swam. I'm happy.

So many people's reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince I'm jealous. I feel so left behind. I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But stupid me wants to wait till Book 7 comes out and then buy the whole set in a set. Know what I'm sayin? I'll go borrow from the library or from my friends. I love Harry Potter. It's one of the really really really few books that I truly enjoy reading.

I ate the Nissin Curry Flavoured Cup Noodles that I bought from Atlanta today. It was おいしい！！！ And Hello Panda too haha.. But it's much more expensive than in Singapore I think. I forgot how much I bought it for but I know it's not cheap. I'm going to get a whole carton of Hello Panda from Singapore this Dec. MMmmm.... Delicious.

Sian... I wanna go swimming now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should leave now.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

School was boring today haha.. I couldn't stay awake (again..) cuz of yesterday I think. Hehe.. Anyways, I was really afraid that I would have nothing to do today. =P I hate being bored. But I did something! I went to Mandarin House, and it is confirmed that that will be my workplace come next week! =D I'm excited. I'm going to be a hostess! What I do is just wait for people to come in and bring them to their seats. That's all! So simple, and I get paid $4 the 2 days that I will be learning from my lao da. And when I officially get the job, I will be paid a little more than $6 an hour. Maybe $6.25,35, or 75. I didn't quite remember. But it's very much better than my previous job! Get paid only $5.25 an hour for doing so much. So.. Yea!!!! I'm glad!

I ate dinner as usual... Then after that, I accidentally heard that 3 of my friends are going to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It has Johnny Depp in it, so, I went too, of course. It was GREAT!!!!! Johnny Depp is a TERRIFIC actor. He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!! I would see it again when the DVD comes out. OMG. Johnny Depp is so cute. He's a little baichi in the movie but still REALLY CUTE!!!! I'm forever his fan. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a cute story. ^^

I really really hope that Seiji would bring me to go play golf tomorrow. I REALLY WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to wait till Seiji returns and ask him to bring me tomorrow. I really really want to go. I'll go pick an outfit for tomorrow first.

Atlanta

I woke up at 4:15a.m. today haha. Just the right time cuz the guys knocked on my door just finished preparing. Drove 2 hours to the airport... Not me of course. Seiji drove. It was kinda sad when Joanne was leaving. She was crying.. Her sister was crying. We were all hugging around and stuff. I kinda felt the pain she was feeling cuz everything reminded me of the day I left Singapore 2 years ago, except my whole class was there when I left. Yea I felt this wham in my heart. It was sad. It was like experiencing it all over again except that I'm not the one leaving.

After that was FUN. We went to Lenox Square.. I brought my camera but didn't quite use it except in the airport where I took like 1 picture. Anyways, I bought 4 shirts. That's all. Dang it's getting harder for me to find clothes that I like. My favourite shop was Victoria's Secret. The one that sells underwear. I'm just kidding. They are famous for their underwear but they sell other stuff too like fragrances, sleepwear, etc. I bought a shirt there and got a free Victoria's Secret's pink doggy toy. I think that shop's really cool. Their stuff are nice. Unfortunately though, I saw an asian old man standing in the middle of the shop just looking at all the underwear. I'm not saying that he's uh.. yea but it's kinda weird cuz I didn't see any old asian women in there so.. ^^

I'm REALLY tired. And hungry. I didn't eat much. I shouldn't. I have a tummy now. I'm going to eat dinner soon so I shouldn't start eating.

Oh yea. I went to a Japanese shop in Atlanta too. They sell Japanese stuff (duh..). Japanese food, magazine, etc. The cashier talked to me in Japanese and I couldn't understand. It was kinda embarrassing haha.. But they have nice things there. I skipped my classes today. It was cool. Haha...

Lots of tall buildings in downtown Atlanta, which reminded me of Singapore. シンガポオルはこいしくて。。。

The nothing-much-to-do-except-wait period of my life.

Yup. It's here again. Come August I will be moving out of the Commons (going to Niagara Falls too). This little college town will come back to life again in August. I'm going to learn more Japanese in August. I'm going to live with my brother in August. I'll see a lot more people and hopefully make more friends in August. Everything August. Right now my life is like, study and wait till August.

My friend, Joanne, is leaving for Japan tomorrow. Man I'm jealous. But anyways, I went to one of my friend's house and they are all like either graduated or just 2 more years at most to graduate. So they were all like, wa, 4 or 5 years ago.. Like nerd. Then this and that and this and it's kind of sad noe. I thought about like only 2 or 3 years ago when I was a nerd and Wanhua and Valerie and I would always hang out. How we turned into 'ah lians'. Diao here diao there. How we turned nice again. We were great sisters [S.H.E. ne!]. So close and always there for each other. And the time I became close to the band girls. How we used to hang out all the time. Had so much practice in the hmm... not really nice... band room. When we went to the concerts. We were always there when any one of us needed any help. I still remember that last concert we went to. On the MRT, the guy asked to be friends and he had his tongue pierced. It was really funny and great. I remember when we would always eat at the coffee shop opposite our school before band. Hang out in Tampines mall.. I remember we would play basketball and practice together. I remember once we were playing and it was getting dark and we started playing with shadows and someone said not to do that.. I remember the time I got hit in the face with a football. I remember... wa.. everything. Was getting teary-eyed. Those were the days. And I MISS THEM A LOT. Ya. Some of my friends are going to Atlanta to send her off. If they are going shopping after that, I'm skipping class and going. I told my mom about it and she trusts that I know what I'm doing. I've been a really good student showing up everyday in class even though it's not mandatory to go to class everyday.

Dang. I miss Secondary school life terribly. All the great friends I made. And all the brothers and sisters. And I can't believe I wasted so much time on boyfriends when who I really needed was just my friends. I WISH I could go back in time. Really really wish. Sometimes I thought about what if one day I just wake up, like from the time I got into secondary school till now was just a dream. It would be GREAT. I wouldn't mind experiencing everything again, well uh.. maybe I may change some things but overall. I love my life then. I like my life now but hey things that were not treasured then seem more precious now. Know what I'm sayin.

Alright. Confirm I'm skipping class tomorrow. =D Go SHOPPING!!!!

Test is OVER! =D

YES! The test was more difficult than the first one I took cuz I kinda slacked.. while studying hehe.. I hope I did well though cuz I did spend quite a lot of time finding the freaking answers and listening to the monotonous lectures. Plus, connection here at the Commons SUCKS!!! So I can't really download songs like I used to (like at least 10 a day..) .

Anyways, I JUST chatted with MAM EVA!!! People from TPMB would know her!! She's like my idol. SO COOL!! And she's really funny too. Wow I can't believe I just chatted with her! It's like chatting with a star or something. Haha.. Cuz she's in Australia and I'm all the way over here. And it's like 4 years since I last talked to her. COOL.

Now that the test's over, I've got to start packing my stuff.. Yea.. I'm leaving the Commons soon. Moving to another apartment to live with my brother. I'm kinda excited but also sad at the same time. Dont really want to leave my friends here.. But when I move there, I'll live closer to my other friends. So.. Yea.. And I'll definitely get better connection there.

The other thing that I'm chewing over is returning back to Singapore. Some of my Japanese friends are going back to Japan in December. Well, most of them. And they leave on the 19th, but I'm in China that day so. I can't do anything about it but I don't know haha.. I'm going to miss them a whole lot.

I can't wait to return to Singapore too! Can't wait to see my friends, kiss them, hug them, and go shopping with them, eat with them, look at them, dang I'm in LOVE with my friends. I mean, they are still talking to me after 2 years of my absence in Singapore. How cool is that? And when I return they can get a taste of my British accent (:S). Haha... I still don't know why... I'm supposed to have an American accent or slang or anything that's American. I'm in America! Lol.. I guess I love HARRY POTTER too much!!

And I gotta stop drinking haha. I'm beginning to have a tummy. Something that I really do not like haha..

My return to Singapore in DECEMBER!!!!!

OK.. My dad has told me the dates.

I will reach Singapore on the 16th. BUT, I would not be staying in Singapore at that time. I'll be on the plane again to China. I'll be back from China on I think 21st or 22nd. I'll confirm cuz I really really hope to see familiar faces in the airport. I'll come back to US i think 1st of January. So.. About 11 days in Singapore.

Can't wait to see my friends. Love yall soooooooooooooooooooo much. :'D I miss yall...

Maiko

Rememer Maiko? She's the one who is a really good friend. But. Today just now at dinner, I was sitting with her and my other friend and Maiko told my friend something in Japanese. I was surprised but I kinda understood what she was saying. I heard names, and Kaz's name, and i heard 'atode', which means later. I learnt it before.. She's going somewhere with the group. I asked her what she was going to do tonight. She said nothing, maybe watch a movie or something. I don't know if I got it wrong or not. I dont know. My friend didn't say anything. She never really talk much, to me anyway cuz she's still learning English.

I don't know. I'm getting like paranoid. I don't know why. I get suspicious at every little thing. Look at Kaz. He did nothing and I was getting my self all worried and sad.

Anyway, I didn't ask more. I shouldn't. She seems trustworthy. Maybe she doesn't want to tell me cuz I told her it's hard for me to not like KAZ anymore so soon. Maybe she's just avoiding the subject so I won't get upset. But she seemed closer to Kaz now than before. Is she trying to spite me? Look at me getting all paranoid again haha... I'm sure she's not. I don't know what happened to my trust in people. What happened? I don't remember!

But I gotta start learning to trust again..

KAZ didn't block me.

OMG this is the second time I've jumped conclusions. Just because he's cool, I kept thinking of him as like so cool he's going to be someone I hate. But in actuality he's such a nice guy. I''ve got to start changing my thoughts about him. If he ever sees this entry and the previous one, he's going to be so angry with me!! Well, at least I would be. He's such a nice guy. Dang I feel so stupid and idiotic and disgusting! How can I think of him as such a self-centered idiotic guy when I am the one who's shit! I'm so so sorry. I'll change my attitude about him from right now. He's the nicest guy on earth!!! What's wrong with me!!!! Gosh!!!! Stupid me!!!!

You Belong in the UK

Blimey!

A little proper, a little saucy.

You're so witty and charming...

No one notices your curry breath

What English Speaking Country Do You Belong In?

Haha.. I do believe this one cuz everyone tells me that I have a British accent. :S Haha.. Anyways, this is the last quiz I'm taking today.. Gotta study for tomorrow's test...

Haiz... I can't help it. I still like Kaz. He's not online in Msn for so long.. I am beginning to think that he had blocked me and I'm kinda sad now.. I don't know.. I hope he didn't block me. He seemed ok with me yesterday... I don't know. I still like him a lot but I don't like what's happening now. It's not easy for me to remain happy when I see him everyday and knows that he doesn't... Haiz..

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

This one is not really true cuz KAZ didn't fall for me!!!! ='(

Quiz!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I took a quiz! Haha.. It's fun I'm going to do more... Actually I'm just wasting time cuz I DONT want to study.....

Anyways, I hate to admit it, but I guess it's not really wrong.

Wow....

Many other malls in Singapore have websites too... I'm so PROUD!!! Wisma Atria... Far East Plaza.. Ngee Ann City.. And a lot more I'm lazy to go find!!!! WOW... I'm surprised!! I don't know why I know I shouldn't be surprised but I'm REALLY surprised and HAPPY!!! WOW..... HAHa...... SO COOL!!!!!!

OH OH!!! And I adopted a hamster today!!!! His name is HAMSTER and he's in the sidebar below my media player. And he is ちょかわいい！！！！！！！！ He's a good pet too!! Play with him!!! You'll like him!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tampines Mall!!

I just found out that Tampines Mall has website!!!! So cool!!! I was so happy. Brought me a step closer to Singapore... Dang I miss Singapore sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!! Friends and shopping and food!!!!! And I missed the Great Singapore sale......... I want to go back so badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, click here for Tampines Mall's website. SO COOL!!! Haha...

Late night fun..

Went to drink yesterday and Kaz was there. He didn't talk to me at all haha.. I guess it's still awkward for us. I got really really sleepy I saw stars haha. The last thing I said before I left is "Kaz, I'm sorry." And he smiled at me.

I hope that my apology had made his day, cuz his smile had certainly made mine.

Farewell Party!

I went to the party! And had fun! Kaz was there. We weren't on the same table thank God. I don't know. I can't help it. I still like him. But I'm trying hard. Anyways, I took some pictures!

だいじょうぶ！

While being a good girl and starting to study for my test on Tuesday just now, I thought about everything that happened. It's not really that bad actually. It's better to know that he doesn't like me than to waste so much time thinking of him wondering if he does. And I actually feel much better now than the days that I try so hard to hang out with him. I know what I want to do. Things are not unpredictable and scary like they were when I liked him. I know what I'm doing and I'm back in control.

I've got a friend who's leaving to go to Japan for a year on the 21st so tonight's her farewell party. I'm going to have fun and take lots of pictures. I'm going to put on makeup too haha. I want to look pretty for pictures.............................. hehe...

I think, for the past few days, I had forgotten what I tell myself to do everyday. Be optimistic! I had been looking only at the dark cloudy sky, forgetting about the bright cheerful sun behind it. But now, I've pulled myself together and I learn. I may not be liking someone for sometime cuz I don't want to 1) waste my time, 2) waste my tears, 3) waste my energy. You never know though. Well, at least, I never know.

I was going to apologise to Kaz yesterday but he didn't open his door when I knocked. I talked to my oniichan and he's really nice and yea. I know it was my fault. My oniichan said that he was proud of me and I'm happy that he is. All I want to do now is ask Kaz if we could forget everything and still be friends. I still like him but I think I would like to like him more as a friend now. I guess my dream of having a Japanese boyfriend will not be fufilled yet. Haha.. But it's ok man.. It's not like I live for guys. I live to have fun.

My oniichan told me yesterday
that Kaz likes me
more like a sister
that he couldn't see me
as a girlfriend
Kaz didn't even want
to see me yesterday

I wanted to be with you ずっと

I hate feeling bad..................

I quit my job today and I feel really bad about it. Boss is bad, but I've made friends there, and they are really nice to me. I don't know. I told them that I would go visit after boss leaves. Not the real boss. His girfriend who I always call boss.

Kaz did study yesterday and he saw my personal message in msn I wrote ''please dont lie to me''. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Maiko told me just now that Kaz asked her if I like him today in the afternoon. I guess my hints were kinda obvious. Maiko said she doesn't know to protect me. She's a wonderful friend. I don't know. I think that Kaz is not really happy with me right now, cuz if I were him, I would be pissed off. I didn't believe him even though he'd never lied to me before. I didn't talk to Kaz at all today. I don't know. I'm afraid that he might not talk to me ever again. If he doesn't like me, and I get to know about it, I would be crushed. Really.

It's stupid. I've just weaved myself out of this job trouble and here I am in trouble again. It sucks big time. Everywhere I turn, crap's being thrown at me.

Kaz is not online now. I think he's avoiding me.. Even though everything that I said I thought was always wrong, I have a feeling that I might finally be right this time. I'm sorry to have so many continuous depressing entries. But I'll try to cheer up. As Crayon SinChan said, Genki o daishite.

Tough day coming!!

I think the stuff in my blog are kinda weird, like they don't go well together haha.. I've been trying to think of a good title but in vain. I found this song by Utada Hikaru today. She's not my favourite singer but this song is my favourite. It's a pretty and sad song. Prettier than sad though. There's an English version of this song but it's not as good. I love this song.

Today's going to be tough for me. I'm glad I didn't have to go to work at 11:30 cuz boss is going to Atlanta. But I have to act like nothing happened yesterday for 3 hours tonight! It's going to be difficult! And then I have to ask for my pay and then tell her that I don't want to work there anymore. I think I'll say I cannot work there anymore. It's easier than 'I don't want'. And then I'll have to say it's a personal reason. I don't even know what's personal in Chinese!! God.. I need help. I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to work there anymore but this is difficult for me. It's a good practice though if I want to be a businesswoman in future, which I do.

I'm still having problems with going to New York. If they don't book the air tickets soon, it'll become extremely expensive.

Maiko came to my room to talk to me yesterday. She's nice. I told her about Kaz. I know it's a small thing and I told her it's nothing haha.. But she told me Kaz is studying hard nowadays so I don't have to worry. Yeah I think so too. That day when I hung out with him, the other Japanese went bowling. I didn't go cuz I said I would hang out with him and he told me he didn't go cuz he promised he would hang out with me so I think he wouldn't really lie to me.. Yeah. I shouldn't worry. I'm going to hang out with him tonight! After quitting my job. I don't know how I'll feel though. I don't want him to think of me as like grouchy.

Wish me luck for tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't lie to me....

I've just returned from my talk with my brother's and my friend, Brian. He's a great guy. Nice and friendly and caring.

Remember the confusing entry yesterday? I've got everything worked out now. =D I'm going to quit my job at Panda. I don't want to be another victim. I'm going to another restaurant tomorrow called Mandarin House to see if they could give me a job. I really really hope that they will cuz I need money to spend in New York. Work kinda sucks at Panda anyways. I had fun but hey I did like everything for... $5.25 an hour? Angela!!! I should have listened to you and looked for another job man!!! My talk with Brian had been enlightening. No way am I going to work at Panda anymore after this paycheck. No way.... I want to be nice but I don't want to be stupid. I went talk to Brian's girlfriend too. Encouraged her to go to Panda tomorrow to talk to miss nice boss. We shouldn't let people take advantage of us. Talking to her made me want to quit work at Panda even more! But patience!!! Gotta go act normal tomorrow too! But it should be quite easy for me. I think.

I went to look at my future apartment too and Brian's apartment and his girlfriend's apartment haha.. I think it's quite ok except I haven looked at the inside. It should be fine.. Should be better than Commons.. Oh ya... i just changed my song to さくらんぼ by 大塚愛. If you go to my photobook you'll be able to see her picture and the middle picture is the sign she always makes in this song when she sings ''あなたとわたしさくらんぼ！".. Haha.. I've changed my title and the description to match this happy song haha.. I'm sorry this entry does not really fit... Tomorrow will be better.

Anyways, the title of this entry is what I really want to say to Kaz today, now. I asked him if I could hang out with him today but he said he had to study and asked me if tomorrow's possible. Of cuz I said yes. But when I returned from my 'trip', I think I heard his voice in Seiji's room. What else would he be doing in Seiji's room besides playing games? No, I don't think I heard his voice. I know I heard his voice. I'm sensitive to his voice always. I mean, if you want to hang out with your friends just tell it to me straight. It's not like it's going to hurt my feelings or something. It's very much better than lying to me and then letting me find out. If he wants to spend a day with his friends and not me it's ok! It's not like I'm his girlfriend or something. Even if I am, I wouldn't mind it if he wants to hang out with his pals for a few days. I'm heartbroken and disappointed.

せつない。

Finally talked to my MEI today!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! It's a good day. I talked to Jeannie this morning and it was fun. I miss her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!! It's been so long..

I hung out with Kaz yesterday. I have no idea whether he likes me or not. I really really want to know. Maybe I should 告白 haha.. I'm just kidding. I know everyone says hints don't work but I really really dropped really really obvious hints. Like there are lots of people there but I pay the most attention to him you know what I mean. And everytime I get food from Panda, doesn't matter if I cooked it or not, I'll give it to him, even though I like the food very much. And I always ask to hang out with him. And I always look straight in his face when I talk to him. Isn't it obvious enough?? Hey if any guys are reading this, isn't this obvious enough??? If not, please tell me what I should do..

Well.. I kinda hang out with lots of other people too... And I do sometimes act like I wasn't paying any attention to him.. And I look straight at everyone's face when I talk to them.. And most of the time when he asks me to hang out with him I stay in my room for like 10 mins before I go.. uh.... hehe...

I don't know............................................. But I'm always happy when we hang out.

Anyways, work was good today but I have to go work again later in the evening. I cooked! Fried rice again haha but I tried to cook chicken with broccoli. It was terrible haha.. I tried for 5 seconds and my real boss took over. Haha.. The wok was heavy though.. I gotta start working out again!!!! I think I stink of oil now.. haha..

This world is difficult to live in.

I feel terrible. I can't explain why. This is going to be a confusing entry.

It's not me, it's really the world. Secrets. Well I'm at fault too anyways haha.. I like to know secrets. I don't tell them to other people, but I like to know them. I guess this is a punishment. Haha.. It's bad I don't know how to say it so I give up.

Promises... Are difficult things to keep...

You know what I want to do now? I want to just sit in front of Kaz and look at him. Until I feel fine.

It's ok. I'll wait. Or I'll go to sleep later hoping that I would not wake up tomorrow. This world is terrible. I think it hates me. It's not like I know a lot. But I know enough to make me feel weird. I don't know which side is true. They are talking about the same thing but it's conflicting each other. Argh... 该怎么办？？？

Guys... I can't understand them.

Alright. Do guys ever drop hints when they like a girl? Cuz if they do, I guess Kaz doesn't like me then. What kind of hints do guys drop? I really don't want to get myself all disappointed over Kaz again!

Remember Maiko? The girl who told me she liked Kaz? We're like really really good friends now. Cuz that day she told me her true feelings. She told me that she felt that ever since she told me she liked Kaz, our friendship seemed to be ruined. It seemed different than before. Then she told me that she really didn't like Kaz anymore, but another guy, who's also really nice. He's an American guy and yeah.. They are going to the movies today I think. Why can't Kaz and I progress like that? Oh yea Kaz doesn't have a car.. But... I'm just.. Envious. Maiko deserves it though. She is a great friend and a wonderful person. Anyway, friends become good friends when they tell each other their true feelings and yea. She's a great friend. We talk about lots of stuff and I like hanging out with her.

I hung out with Kaz yesterday. We were supposed to be studying English. But we only talked. He said he didn't feel like studying. I feel that he looks straight at me when he talks to me now a little more than before. Not like a lot. I'm the one who keeps looking at him. Haha.. But yea. I think he's dropping little hints telling me he doesn't like me though. He didn't say good night to me before going back to his room last night.

It's always me who starts a conversation with him in msn. I never dared to call him but he calls me when he wants to hang out. It's weird. My Taiwanese friend told me yesterday to 告白. Haha.. No way man. I would if I look like Kaela or Sheena Ringo but no I don't look like them. Nowhere near. So. No way would I have such confidence.

I hate it when I like a guy. Want so much to be with him but get all jittery when he's around. He's so cool and cute at the same time! How can anyone be like that! He's like a little child. But he's so cool though. And then I get sad when.. I don't know. I'm supposed to be happy. I'm hanging out with him more than before! I guess that's not enough for my heart.. : S

Does anyone know how I feel? Why do I have to feel like that. Can someone tell me the types of hints a guy drop to let a girl know he likes her? .. or doesn't?

Big D

I went to Atlanta yesterday with my family!! We ate!! And we went to Lenox Square for a while. I've got to go there with my friends someday. It reminds me of Singapore............... =') I LOVE SINGAPORE!!!!! After that, I got to drive for 2 hours back from Atlanta. It wasn't easy driving in such weather. We got caught in the outer part of Dennis. Not devastating but huge gusts of wind and lots of rain. We managed to get back to Auburn well!

Big hurricane Dennis decided to wreck the Pensacola area instead of Mobile like Ivan did last year, which is good for me. I know my house would be safe. I was worried. The house is pretty. I love that house. I should post a few pictures of that house..

School's out today! So I get to hang out with my friends! The only problem is that half of them are still sleeping cuz they stayed up late yesterday. I was out till only 1 and my mom got worried lol.. I'm glad I didn't stay longer.

By the way, I've posted a few pictures of my favourite Japanese Singers/Bands! I'm lazy I just chose 4 of them hehe... I have the links to their webbies in my sidebar under 'little linkies here and there' so.. Check them out!

Hurricane..... Big D.

School's out on Monday cuz of the hurricane! But it's not really that fun.. Rain kept coming and stuff. My parents and little brother just drove here from Mobile. Mama's in my room now studying haha...

Anyways, I talked to Kaz on msn in the afternoon. I taught him a little bit of English pronunciation yesterday and I could see that he really wanted to learn English. So yeah.. We talked and then I said that we should hang out more often and he said "Yeah I want to learn English!" or something like that and I said I want to learn more Japanese too!! And yeah suddenly he put his status as away and I was like... ok... I was cleaning up my room cuz my mom's coming so I just didn't care much. About like 3 mins later someone called me. Guess who?? It was Kaz!! Gosh びっくるしたです！ He asked me if I was free and then asked me if i could go to his room to teach him more English stuff!!! Naturally, I said I was. Of cuz la!!! And it was fun!! He was so funny. And I get to look at him the whole time. He looks sooo cute when he was trying to pronounce stuff.. He told me he's quitting smoking. He's quitting smoking not for Singaporean ah beng reasons like my girlfriend told me to or stuff like that cuz usually when the girlfriend leaves the ah beng would smoke again. He's quitting for himself. It's good. And he told me that in Japan there were cigarette machines that were like drink machines. I was quite surprised haha.. He said those machines were good for him and the other 'illegal smokers' haha..

Kaz and the others are going to New York this August and I really really hope I can go. I am talking to my mom about it now. She trusts me, and I trust myself. I know that I'm not going to be able to get enough money by August but mom said maybe, maybe she'll help me pay and then I'll pay her back when I go back to Singapore cuz I have a small amount in my bank in Singapore. I'm going to try my best to earn as much as possible with the time I have left before August though. New York is like my second choice of places that I really really really want to go. So, I really really really hope I can go. Plus, Kaz is going too. It'll be a great treat for me. Visiting a place that I think I would like with the person I like. It'll be really cool.

My family maybe going to Atlanta tomorrow. I called boss to ask if I skip work in the afternoon tomorrow and she told me that I don't have to go tomorrow cuz she doesn't know if the real boss will have the restaurant opened tomorrow. So I'm lucky. I really really hope that Big Hurricane Dennis would go away away away... Please... おねがい。。。

7 days!!!! Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!!!!!! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired...

I had nothing to do after the test today haha.. Went to work. Ate there. It was ok ok. Haha.. There's a new girl at work today. She's taking over my boss. The lady I call boss everytime is not actually the real boss, she's his girlfriend. Yup. She's leaving to study at Illinois soon so she need a full-time replacement, which of course, would not be me. I don't work that hard. Anyways, this girl's originally from China (大路来的, boss said), but she lived in New York for sometime I believe cuz she just arrived here 2 days ago from NY. I wasn't excited. You know how I feel about Chinese Chinese.. It's not like I'm looking down or something. We are just different you know. HongKongese and Singaporeans are different, but Chinese Chinese are more different from us than we are to each other you know what I'm sayin. She's new, her english is not really good (according to boss), but she wants to tell people what to do and she loves to snatch customers lol.. It doesn't really matter to me much, except boss tells me to make sure she doesn't go to the counter to get the customers. What bugs me is that she wants to order me around sometimes. I was chatting to boss's brother for like 30 secs and I was going to clean the tables, she ordered me to help her. I mean, she can do that stuff on her own. What do I do? Obey lo. I'm nice. Don't wanna make it hard for her. Yeah.. Boss said she's less obedient than I am and you know.. Chinese Chinese... They want to do stuff to glorify themselves. Hey Violet, if you're reading this, you're different ok haha.. Really.

Anyways, I had FUN... I hung out with KAZ today!! We talked and ate dinner together. He's kinda quiet but he's really nice. He's not really quiet quiet, but hanging out with him, I didn't feel as comfortable as hanging out with my oniichan. But it's still fun. It'll be better when we get to know each other better. He showed me some of his pictures from Japan when he had longer hair. Wow he looked great. He looks like a star somehow. The way he dresses I guess. I like him....

I'm going to have fun later.. Hehe... But I know how to control. And I'm going with Kaz later!! Hehe.... I'm excited to be with him.

Test is OVER!!!!!!!!

YEAH!! Just got back! I think I did not bad! Spending so much time to study that little exam. It's worth it!!! I can't wait to see what I got! My history teacher didn't seem bad at all today!! In fact, he smiled at me 2 times! HAha.. Once when he was giving out the exam, and the other's when I turned in the exam. I'm pretty sure it's not the sly kind of smile haha. Maybe he found out that I'm not Chinese but Singaporean, maybe I'm wearing this 'L' size TPMB shirt with a baggy baggy pants cuz I ran out of stuff to wear (all still in my brother's dryer), or maybe he had sixth sense and sensed that I studied a whole lot for this exam. I don't care! As long as a teacher doesn't dislike me, I'm happy. Time in class will pass faster, class will seem less boring. Yup. I like it when teachers like me.

Got Pics?

YEAH!!! I managed to get 10 NEW pictures at my photobook! Just click on the link "lookie at my photobookie" or something like that on the sidebar! If you wanna see the pretty scenery in a bigger window, just click on the picture! Hmm.. and it's better to start from the bottom haha.. I kinda was too excited. Didn't upload them in order.

Fried Rice!!!!!!

Haha... I'm just back from work. I fried fried rice again today at work but this time boss added some roast pork and chicken in it. I was going to have it for lunch tomorrow but I wanted to let some of my friends try it. I saw Sho first so he got to try it first. He said it was good! hehe!! Then Mariko and Ippei came to his room to study so they got to try too! Ippei said うまい！ and Mariko said that I am a good cook!! Haha.. I'm so happy! It's like the only thing I know how to cook besides eggs and instant noodles. That's an improvement!!!

The happiness I experienced from that is nothing compared to this. I wanted to let my oniichan try it too so I called him and guess what???? He was in Kaz's room!!!!! So I went to Kaz's room. Not neat, but not untidy either haha.. Kaz tried it first cuz he opened the door and he said it was good!! My oniichan tried it later and said that I'm a better cook than he is! Haha.. ya right.. He knows how to fry tempura and all those Japanese food........ Anyways, after my oniichan set it down, Kaz ate more haha. He ate a lot more haha... I have like 4 mouths left for lunch tomorrow haha.. But I'm happy!!! He liked it!!! And he talked to me quite a bit today!!! And I'm always happy when he looks at me haha... I'm sooooooooo happy!!!! =D =D =D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is not going to last for long though haha.. I have that stupid history test tomorrow morning at 9:45a.m. But I'm looking on the bright side. I have just 1 more question left to answer. After that, I have to memorize. Lol.... I kinda like working at Panda now. Boss said that I have improved a lot and I get along with my colleagues (the cooks) well now. We talk quite a bit and stuff. It's fun.

Oh ya... A hurricane's coming our way I think. Hurricane Dennis.. I hope Dennis would go away please. I don't like danger. Anyways, I think my history teacher's not so bad anymore. I think. It might turn out wrong cuz I thought I had fixed my photobook but now I can't post anymore pictures so... yeah. But I think I just thought he sucked really really bad cuz I hated his class even before attending it. Yeah.. He's not the best teacher, but he's not the worst either.

Today might be a stormy day, but I'm happy.

I'm pretty pissed right now

Ever since I started World History, I stopped being happy. Why? I have no idea. The teacher sucks but that shouldn be able to stop me from being happy. I seem to have bad days everyday ever since that first day I went to class! Wtf.

I got the questions for exam on Friday. It was supposed to be on Thursday but he postponed it. It doesn't matter. I'm going to fail anyways. The questions are impossible. And I'm not smart. I thought about going to find him tomorrow to ask him for help but.. I think he dislikes me so I don't think he'll help me. Plus, I have to start working afternoons too from tomorrow on. It sucks. I've not been hanging out with my friends much at all. I have not drank for like a week plus. This sucks.

I don't know. I'm just not having a good week.

I tried to put more pictures into my photobook but the fucking thing kept going blank!!!!!! I want to show yall Kaz when he was drunk!!!! It's so cute. My friend put makeup on his face haha.. It's funny.. But. Too bad. Fuck it.

I saw Kaz yesterday when I went to my oniichan's room. He was really nice. His face kinda changed into this kinder, kinda like softer look. Know what I mean? I don't know if that's good or bad. I don't think I have a chance anyway. It's pathetic.

Oh ya I forgot. I went to class today and tried my best to pay attention. I really tried but for like just 3 minutes my mind decided to wander off and my teacher asked a question and called my name. My mind wandered off but I was listening. He didn't say anything about Idealist sia... Wth... The class has like at least 40 people. Why me? I have no idea. I believe that he doesn't like me at all. He said "she's surprised because I called her name and she had no idea that I knew her name.. blah.." or something like that. Hell of cuz I'm surprised. Just keep on picking on me. I won't cry. I'm going to go to your office tomorrow and waste lots of your time by asking you to help me with the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not see Kaz today at all. My oniichan had his hair braided. I'm going to take pictures and hope that the stupid blogger images thingy would work.

つかれた。。。。 I am soooo tired. I'm so not looking forward to that test on Friday but I'm looking forward to drinking. Don't even know if they'll be drinking on Friday.. Ah........ I hope tomorrow will get better. No. I KNOW tomorrow WILL be better. YES. Gotta encourage myself. Tomorrow IS going to be SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!

Pictures

I am finally able to post pictures in my other site. Look at my sidebar and you'll see "Lookie at mi Photobookie" or something like that. Click it and you'll be able to see some of my pictures that I have been able to upload. I think I'll be able to get a picture of me taken a few minutes ago in there so.. yeah. Take a look if you wanna see how fat I have become. And the great job my Jap friends did with my hair.

Happy July 4th!!

I'm back from Mobile again! And today's Independence Day for USA. I was going to go watch fireworks but ahh.. Got lazy haha.. I'm staying in my room to study. I have a freaking History test on Thursday and I can't do bad on it at all. It's like 1/3 of my grade. There are 2 more other tests like it later in the semester. ARGH I HATE history. History sucks. I hate history.

I ate a lot the past weekend. I LOVE my mom's cooking. She is great. Sian.. I'm not looking forward to this coming test at all. Weird I have nothing much to say today.

逃げた魚は大きい

日曜日, 7月 31, 2005

Just a note to self

土曜日, 7月 30, 2005

I am AHEAD!!! =D

金曜日, 7月 29, 2005

Less than 4 days left at the Commons.

火曜日, 7月 26, 2005

Work.

月曜日, 7月 25, 2005

HATE!! AGAIN!!!!

日曜日, 7月 24, 2005

.

Dreams

土曜日, 7月 23, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!!! ♥

金曜日, 7月 22, 2005

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

木曜日, 7月 21, 2005

Atlanta

水曜日, 7月 20, 2005

The nothing-much-to-do-except-wait period of my life.

火曜日, 7月 19, 2005

Test is OVER! =D

月曜日, 7月 18, 2005

My return to Singapore in DECEMBER!!!!!

Maiko

Quiz!

The Keys to Your Heart

日曜日, 7月 17, 2005

Wow....

Tampines Mall!!

Late night fun..

土曜日, 7月 16, 2005

Farewell Party!

だいじょうぶ！

木曜日, 7月 14, 2005

I hate feeling bad..................

Tough day coming!!

水曜日, 7月 13, 2005

Please don't lie to me....

Finally talked to my MEI today!!!!!!!!!!

火曜日, 7月 12, 2005

This world is difficult to live in.

Guys... I can't understand them.

月曜日, 7月 11, 2005

Big D

土曜日, 7月 09, 2005

Hurricane..... Big D.

金曜日, 7月 08, 2005

Tired...

Test is OVER!!!!!!!!

木曜日, 7月 07, 2005

Got Pics?

Fried Rice!!!!!!

火曜日, 7月 05, 2005

I'm pretty pissed right now

月曜日, 7月 04, 2005

Pictures

Happy July 4th!!

taLk tO mE~~!!

MoI piCs!

LiTtLe LinKiEs hEre & thEre..

mOi bRoZ, fReNz & cUzZiNz~!

PrEviOuS pOsTs

ArChIvEs

gIvE mE hUgS!! =D

孙燕姿 - 我不难过

wOLfIe!! pLeAse pLaY wIth hIm!! =D